Saturday, June 17, 2006

A day in my life

When one gets an office job, one of the so called perks you get is to listen to the radio. This is ironic for me because I have been avoiding radio probably for the last 8 years or so. In fact I can’t remember the last time I was driving and I listened to anything other than a CD. So with this disposition of mine, I was not entirely educated on what the radio had in store for me. In fact the biggest surprise for me was what hadn’t left the radio since I turned my back on it so many years ago.

I was dumbfounded when I realized that Hootie and his blowfish were still in regular rotation on the radio. I know what you’re thinking, that Burger King has re-released the tender crisp cheddar bacon ranch sandwich. However, this is not the case. It turns out some radio station is helping Hootie live out his glory days, the days before he had to dress up like a flaming cowboy and sing about sandwiches. Although I kind of prefer the burger king song to the other Hootie music.

If anyone ever tries to tell you that it is impossible to fit 10 Lbs of douche in a 5 lbs bag, set them straight by pointing out the band Savage garden. That’s right, those ass-clowns are still in heavy rotation on the radio. I really can’t think of anything that was more worthy of fading away than these guys. It was pure hell for me trying to get through hearing them 3 (true story) times in a day. “Was” is the key word, now I can handle it. Normally I can change the words of a crappy song and make it enjoyable for myself. For example, a terrible song by Rob Thomas “I don’t want to be lonely no more, I don’t want to have to pay for this” easily becomes “I don’t want to be lonely no more, I don’t wanta have to pay for sex” A simple change makes the song so much better. Then I laugh and everything is ok. I was unable to do this for savage garden, No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t change their lyrics enough to make me entertained. My testicles had nearly withered away as I sat listening to Savage garden for the 3rd time that day when it hit me. I could just change the meaning of the song. So now every time I hear “oh I want you” I imagine that the guys are talking about putting a gerbil in their rectum for the first time. I laugh uncontrollably in my Dilbert hole when I hear them say “I don’t know if I need to but ooh Id die to find out”. Try it yourself, you’ll see what I mean.

Another musical bowl movement that is still Plaguing me is “Life is a highway” by some guy. This song sucked when it was released and it still sucks now. Why are these songs still on? I wish the DJ knew how physically painful he makes my day.


Ryan the Angry Midget said...

Here's one for Savage Garden that gets me through their song everytime:

I want to crap on you in the ocean.
I want to piss on you in the sea.
I want beat off like this forever.
Until the police come to arrest me.

Miles said...

Is it 1996?

Anonymous said...

Out of curiosity what people use the phrase can't fit 10 lbs of douche in a 5 lbs bag. And really a gerbil and rectum comment...


Ryan the Angry Midget said...

People with a sense of humor.