You don't really understand what socialism is do you, Joe Six Pack?

During the election last year, one of the easiest ways to tell if you were talking to a complete troglodyte was when McCain supporters would throw around accusations that Obama was socialist as matter of fact as if they were saying he is black or cool. Turns out he's black, he's cool, but a socialist he's not. What I thought was simply a baseless attack during the election continues to be repeated like fact, particularly now that we're actually figuring out that having millions of people without health insurance is ridiculously expensive. Health care, even under a program where all of the health care costs are paid by the government, is not socialism. Not even close. To make this statement is to simply provide an example of how little you actually know about socialism or about how to operate Velcro shoes.

Let's walk through the logical fallacy involved with thinking that national health care is equivalent to socialism. It is absolutely true that most socialist governments provide government-funded health care programs. But, providing government health care for all is not the defining characteristic that makes these governments socialist. To believe that because something shares one feature with something else that they are the same thing is idiotic and simplistic, and would lead to a lot of confusion in life. Particularly when you discovered that despite the fact that female humans, badgers, and wolverines all share the characteristic that they have vaginae, but are not equally suitable sexual partners.

It turns out it takes a lot more than providing universal health care for a government to be considered socialist, and having a cool, black President doesn't turn out to be one of them. For one, the government owns and/or regulates all business activities within a socialist country. We're not even close, even with the government bailouts and stimulus packages. If you think the type of regulations we have on business are anywhere close to what they would be under socialism, you probably also believe that Utah and Amsterdam have similar drug enforcement policies. States would not have the freedom to make their own policies and regulations on things like gay marriage and decriminalization of drug use under a true socialist regime. I hope you're starting to appreciate how ridiculous it is to even suggest that we are anywhere close to socialism.

Yeah, I know what today is.

Jesus H. Christ. It's not like anyone could forget what today was. Take one look at the calendar and it jumps out at you. And yet, I go to Facebook and every other person is trying to look all 'reflective' and 'honoring'. 'Look at me! I CARE.' It's as if they all went to Starbucks and got caught in the middle of a moment of silence, and since it ruined their morning, they're 'reflecting' it back to the rest of the world. Just another reason why I don't drink coffee.

I'm not turning on the news, not even for a minute. I remember what happened that day; I don't need to be reminded like I'm a four-year-old. And I certainly don't need to be shown the footage again. It's already seared into my brain.

Of course, this isn't meant to slight anyone specifically. I just hate the self-importance that comes with this date every year. We ALL remember; you don't have to wave it around to get attention. By the way, we still haven't found Osama Bin Laden. Do you remember him? However, even when we do eventually track him down, it won't matter because the damage has been done. The Middle East hates us more now than they ever did before. Electing a black president helped our appearance to other parts of the world, but to most Muslims, we're still 'the problem'.

Our world changed eight years ago today. We all know it. Survivors live it every day. They don't need to be reminded. In a way, we're all survivors, if not physically, then at least psychologically. By 'reflecting' on it, you're not helping anyone, other than yourself to feel like you're doing something. So why don't you actually DO something today. Go outside and play with your kids. Go to a movie. Go shopping. Or, to really prove the terrorists didn't win, drive through a Wendy's in your environment-raping Hummer and order a Baconator.

(Disclaimer: This website is not affiliated with Wendy's or General Motors, nor does it condone raping the environment, or shoving mass amounts of fried pig into your arteries.)

Are you READY for some FOOTBALL

That's right! It's that time of year again. I, for one, cannot wait for the season to start. I look forward to watching my donkeys getting pounded harder week in and week out more than Jenna Jameson on a 5 day meth bender. Not only do we have the second biggest INT machine since Ryan Leaf, but we also have mini Belichick. Upper extremity injuries, cut off sweaters and asshole news conferences. I think he actually spends time thinking of ways to not have his own identity. Thank god my Rams beat the buffs this last weekend, GO RAMS!!! Oh well, this is will be my excuse to get drunk for the next 16+ Sundays because we all know that's the only way we will make it through this season. All I ask is that we beat the Raiders twice and break Philip Rivers 90+ million dollar leg. That would make for a good season.


Over and out,
HCP

Video of the Week -- College football is back (and it brought the LULZ)

Oregon and Boise State. The first college football game of the season! And both are nationally ranked teams too. Also, it's the 'Good Sportsmanship' game, and it started with a ceremonial handshake. Probably just a press stunt, but still...

/a couple of hours later

WHAT THE FUCK?!?



Blount should give Dana White a call. Especially since he won't be a college student much longer. I guess worst case, he can always play for the Miami Hurricanes.

Bling is back (and he brought Bible LULZ)

Somehow, I survived a week of Las Vegas AND Mexico City. Did you miss me?

No?

Okay, so you're mad at me for being gone. Well, maybe I can make up for it by posting THIS:

11 Things The Bible Bans, But You Do Anyway

I love their point about Christians who ignore the Old Testament, but then throw around Leviticus 18:22 as a justification for their homophobia. Can't quote that and wear tattoos or a poly-blend t-shirt.

I found this article by following 'almightygod' on Twitter. Just seeing that 'God' isn't capitalized should tell you enough about His posts.

P.S. I'm not traveling for a couple of weeks, so I'll be back.

What's bugging me?

Excuses are like assholes, I know. But, if I had as many assholes as I do reasons for not updating the site on a regular basis, I'd need the world's best proctologist. I figured since I had a little time today, I'd update you on what's been driving me nuts lately. If I am linked to a homicide, consider these catalysts:

1) People who use the word "delish" to describe food or anything else. Rachel Ray and her legions of followers have taken food snobbery to an entirely new level. I don't dislike Rachel, and I think some of her recipes are quite good, even if they require a list of 80 ingredients that you can only realistically obtain if you work for the Food Network or live in Tuscany. The word "delish" itself is not all that annoying, but the people who routinely refer to everything from French Onion soup at Panera Bread to those inflated corn starch-based packing pellets as "delish" certainly are. You know who you are. Yeah you, the lady fumbling through boxes of Velveeta trying to find your prized parmigiano-reggiano cheese for $800 an ounce.

2) People who don't have jobs or work part-time and complain about how busy they are - People who need to work and don't have jobs because of the economy have plenty to complain about. People who don't have to work or only have to work part-time have nothing to complain about. I'm sure finding 20 hours or less during your busy life of medical dramas and shows where people spend too much money designing rooms for their home that look like shit is killing you. If you are lucky enough to be in this position, I don't want to hear you complain about anything. You have no reason for negativity. Please don't prove that you have no perspective by not recognizing how good you have it.

3) People who compare everything President Obama does to Hitler or Socialism - Using the word "delish" or complaining about how complicated your life is working part-time or not at all certainly make a person look like an idiot. What trumps both of those things in terms of demonstrating stupidity is comparing attempts by the President and Congress to fix a healthcare system that is completely fucked wins the Summer of '09 award for best public demonstration of idiocy. When you say something like "Hitler supported national healthcare" or "Obama's got us on the road to Socialism", the only thing that you're proving is that you don't fully understand Hitler or Socialism or healthcare or how to tie your shoes without velcro. The healthcare proposals that have been suggested by the President and Congress are expensive, and not particularly creative or likely to reduce costs, which is what any decent solution would need to do to be sustainable. These limitations don't make it Socialism or the extermination of Jews. Visit an actual Socialist country or read a book about Hitler. You'll stop saying things that make you look like you are in a special education program.

Video of the Week -- Wall of Death from last weekend's Mayhem Fest

Wow. This is a LOT of idiots:



Moshing? I get that. Running full speed into someone else who's running full speed into you? Not smart. They call it the 'wall of death' for a reason.

It was a great festival though. Saw lots of death metal, bought a cheap Black Dahlia Murder t-shirt (only ten bucks at their merch booth!), laughed at all of the wanna-be goths / Marilyn Manson fans, stayed hydrated with $4.00 bottles of water, and wore out a pair of earplugs.

What sucks now is, I don't have another concert to look forward to until November. The Miles is coming down from Kansas Shitty for this one. Anyone else wanna make the trek?

Omaha Citizen of the Year = Meth Addict

This is what happens when The Angry Midget is allowed to vote for anything:

http://www.ketv.com/news/20431026/detail.html

BTW, I know I said I was gonna post pictures from last Saturday's Mayhem Festival, and I did ... but not here. If you're a friend of mine on Facebook, then you've probably already seen them. If you're not a friend of mine on Facebook, but you read this site, then you're probably not ON Facebook, which sounds like a personal choice / antisocial stance. Good luck with that.

Is the summer over already?

Hey everyone. I'm back from two weeks of work travel, and thought I'd stop by to share some random bitching and introspection.

It seems like I blinked, and it's already mid-August. I'll be at the Mayhem festival tomorrow, which is gonna rule, but it's also going to feel like the last hurrah for the summer. Pretty soon, I'll have to start driving 20 miles an hour through the school zones in my neighborhood again, but the temperature will still be in the high 90's. I don't know about you, but that's just cruel.

So, what did I do this summer? I took vacation on Memorial Day to see friends in Seattle, and that was a lot of fun. A friend came down from Amarillo to hang out with me at the 'Legends of Kung Fu' event, which was a good time. Otherwise, I've been buried in home repairs and work travel:

Electrical issues
Phone / fax machine issues
Pool leak repair
Pool pump repair
Lawnmower repair
Sprinkler system timer replaced (and a valve is still broken as I write this)

It seems unfair to complain about traveling for a job, but when you get four or five hours to yourself out of four or five days of work, it hardly makes it worthwhile. I was in L.A. for the E3 convention, which sounds cool, but I spent almost the entire time at my company's booth, in meetings. People asked me, 'So what was the coolest game you saw at the show?' and I've had to answer, 'I didn't really see anything other than my company's stuff'. Quite a difference from being a buyer, and seeing everything (but no, I'm not in a hurry to become a buyer again). But, I also got into an exclusive DJ Hero party, and got pictures taken with a ton of celebrities, so I guess I can't complain too much.

The same can be said for a recent trip to Mexico. Two days of non-stop meetings, but somewhere in there, I shoehorned in some time at the beach, and I went club hopping in Playa del Carmen on my last night there.

So what's my point to all of this? Enjoy what you have while you have it, and make every minute count. We're not on this earth very long, so try to find a few minutes every day to take for yourself. Even if it's just to step outside and walk around the block to clear your head, don't hesitate. No one on their death bed ever says, 'I wish I'd have done more home repair' or 'I wish I'd have worked more hours'. And if anyone ever did, they're idiots.

P.S. I'll post a few pics from the Mayhem festival this weekend.

Conservative Zombies

I know at least a few contributors to this blog have read the book World War Z, which is why I hope you'll enjoy this post from the blog OpenLeft by David Sirota. For those of you unfortunate souls who haven't read World War Z, it's a science fiction book about the war between zombies and humans. Sirota makes some stellar comparisons to the type of thoughtless, idiotic statements being made by conservatives recently, and how this lack of critical thinking has led to a group of zombie-like followers of people like Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh. Much like zombies, these people don't realize how stupid they look asserting that Barak Obama is not a citizen of the United States or attacking Sirota's (correct) statement that Bush did not win the popular vote in the 2000 Presidential Election. Unlike some issues in politics which can lead reasonable people to disagree (abortion is awesome vs. abortion is murder), issues like whether or not the President is a US citizen and the fact that Bush was only elected because the Supreme Court stopped the recount in Florida are facts that anyone with access to Wikipedia can verify for you. I liked the book, but I like the comparison of this type of behavior to zombies even more. I'm greasing up my chainsaw and sawing the barrel off of my 12-gauge, double-barrel side-by-side just in case this turns out to be more than just an analogy.

VOTW -- new Behemoth video

Did someone say 'good new music?'

Behemoth "Ov Fire And The Void" from Metal Blade Records on Vimeo.

Nightmarish, violent, haunting. I wish more metal bands made videos like this. Behemoth has a new album out this Tuesday, and I'm gonna see them at the Mayhem festival in a week. Can't wait.

EDIT: The version I posted earlier is the 'alternate' (i.e. 'censored') one. I've now updated it with the original, uncensored version. Enjoy!

So rrrrruuuunnnn!!!!

You know something, I saw the Midget's recent request for some good new music and I realized that there isn't any. So for the video of the week, I decided to go a little old school. Enjoy.

Sweet nectar of the Gods!

To those that don't know, live in a hole, or don't know what good beer tastes like, it's Guinness's 250th birthday. So here's to 250 more years of Guinness!

-My friends are the best friends
Loyal, willing and able.
Now let’s get to drinking!
All glasses off the table!

...And now for the more hardcore!

I need a Morphine drip...

Since the Bling is currently figuring ways back across the border, I figured I would try and put up a decent vid of the week. Enjoy...

HCP trying out for the UFC!

Good luck dude!

NAILED IT LORD BLING!!!

And you thought your high school senior pick was lost forever! Found it!

Video of the Week -- the greatest music scene in cinematic history

BTW, unless someone else wants to do it, there will be no Video of the Week for the next two weeks. I'll be on the road for work.

A Bridge Too Far?

I think that I speak for a majority of writers on this blog in saying that we were all excited, and greatly relieved, to have Obama elected as president. I think that I can also say that we all recognized that he was the type of politician that only comes around once in a 30 year span. The kind of smooth operator that makes you feel like you're not getting rammed in the ass, even though you still are. To preface what I am about to say, I am greatly appreciative of the kind of campaign that Obama ran, and that I still believe that he is doing what is best for this country.
However, I am beginning to wonder if he was bestowed too great a task for any one person to tackle on his own. I have been, on the whole, okay with what he has been doing to this point. But then I see this and it gets me to thinking. Have we set ourselves up for the big let down before we truly fix anything? Here is the real concern: have we, the most voracious of supporters, set him up to fail before he gets out of the gate? George W. Bush left a lot of shit to fix, I see that, but has there been so much left to fix that no amount of political capitol can get anything passed? And when that political capitol is spread so thin, do any of us get what we wanted? Peace of mind or prosperity?
Maybe here is the real concern. I see his "approval" numbers dwindling and worry that the everyday Joe "Shitpack" doesn't pay enough attention to see every hurdle and roadblock set up by every two bit jag off with an "R" next to his name that the next election swings back in the direction of those greedy little swine fuckers. Maybe the overriding concern isn't agenda, but attention span. Maybe we get the America that we deserve, but as for me, I guess it's eventually back to Mexico.

Odelay Vatos,

HCP

Video of the Week -- Lamb of God, smooth jazz style

Do you like Lamb of God?

No?

Okay, how about now?

UFC 100: The Redcoats are Coming!

I can't improve upon HCP's great post below, but I did want to share a great picture that someone sent to Dan Henderson, and he hosted and Twittered it:


I liked Bisping on his original TUF, but he's gotten really cocky, especially for someone who's had almost every single pro fight in his backyard. I hate him almost as much as I hate Lesnar, and that's saying something. Now if you'll excuse me, fuck you all, because I have to go drink a Coors Light. Not a Bud Light, because they don't pay me nothin'. And I might even get on my wife tonight too.

All hail King Douche Bag!

I'm not quite sure how many of you like watching MMA, more specifically the UFC, but I love to watch these fights. Guys that get to train all day to beat each others brains. It isn't the sweet science, for sure, but is entertaining nonetheless.
All that being said, I don't know how many of you watched the fight last Saturday, but the heavyweight fight between Frank Mir and Brock "Still riding the coattails of my WWE career" Lesnar was sub-par to say the least. The fight was good if you like watching guys basically hug it out. Lesnar won. No big deal.
But then, the worlds biggest nut sac proceeds to not only to taunt his fallen opponent, but to give the finger to the entire crowd in the Mandalay Bay event center; moreover, he proceeds to talk trash about sponsors and how he is going to climb on top of his wife later. All fine for a WWE event, but not worth a shit at a UFC one. He was already the most hated guy in MMA for the special treatment Dana White showed him coming in. (It's a business, and Dana needed a big name in the heavyweight division.) I just think this set the sport back more than it already was since it's seen as a low brow sport to begin with.
I hope that Dana can get his shit together or it's gonna be real tough to watch UFC events with this chode as a belt holder. Oh well, I guess there's always bum fights.

Adios,
HCP

Video of the Week -- Makin' It Rain

I don't really know what to add to this, other than a facepalm picture.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Thanks to the Yard Gnome for sending.

EDIT: Apparently, the guy was just goofing off in this video. There are other videos of him on YouTube being normal. Still though, it doesn't make the word 'umbrerra' any less funny.

R.I.P. Billy Mays

Apparently, some famous people died in the last week or so. However, the only one that I was even remotely saddened about was Billy Mays.


His schtick consistently made me laugh. Apparently, I'm not the only one who appreciated it:



After watching a couple of episodes of 'Pitchmen' on Discovery, I saw that he's just a regular guy who is capable of turning that schtick on and off. He wasn't full of himself, and he didn't have any delusions of grandeur about what he did. And, he also had a lot of good-natured fun with his producer and fellow pitchman (Anthony Sullivan) while making their infomercials:



Back in February, Billy and Anthony were on the Adam Corolla show and after a caller mentioned the ShamWow, Billy challenged Vince to a 'Pitch-Off'. It was mostly in fun, as you tell from the audio:



Continuing on the fun, Billy posed for this picture, and it started making the rounds online just a couple of weeks ago:


After seeing that picture, I'd hoped it would be enough to get Vince to agree to a pitch-off with Billy. Vince makes me laugh too, but I'd have been rooting for Billy, all the way. However, now I just hope that Vince has enough class to not show up at the funeral service for a similar photo op.

Now why didn't I think of that?

Nearly Naked Fireworks?


The guy who came up with this is a genius! Even if his name is dangerously close to Ricky Martin.

http://www.thenewstribune.com/331/story/797704.html?storylink=omni_popular

Video of the Week -- Don't let your kids play World of Warcraft

Temper temper!

See more funny videos and Technology Videos at Today's Big Thing.

Thanks to 'DIRTY GMR' for sending.

Chicago Cubs Cemetery?

As a Cub fan, I couldn't let this one go without some commentary:

http://www.cnbc.com/id/30306234/

This is a HORRIBLE idea. We're almost at 101 years straight without a championship. "I know! Let's go to the Cub cemetery, and see the graves and ashes of a bunch of people who didn't get to live to see them win a World Series!"


Sweet Lou was a sweet two years old the last time this team even participated in a World Series. And with the injuries they've had this season, and with the free-swingers like Soriano and Bradley whiffing like they're trying to cool off the fans in the bleachers ... ugh. Unless something changes quickly, I'm already saying 'Wait 'Til Next Year'. Or rather, 'Wait 'Til Who Knows When?'

Props to warm_machine for sending this article.

Why home schooling doesn't always work out

Maybe #3 should have been a little higher?

I also like the other sign "Be the hammer, not the nail!". I think that's the rapist's creed.

VotW -- Summer Slaughter 2009

I shot some video from the Summer Slaughter festival in Dallas (at the House of Blues) last Sunday. Here is one of them, a solo from a Necrophagist song:



Sweep-picking FTW.

I also shot an entire song from Dying Fetus. This style of music may not be your thing, but it's hard to deny the talent and stamina it takes to play it.



Finally, here's part of a song from Suffocation. I liked the intro speech (about old-school pit etiquette):



And I took a few pictures and made them wallpapers. This first one is the vocalist from Suffocation, in the middle of a headbang. The unintended motion blur actually worked really well in this picture. My dad said it looks like it's from a horror movie. Considering their lyrical content, I thought it was fitting.


Here's a wide shot of Necrophagist on stage:


Lastly, here's a mosh pit during the Dying Fetus set. Again, I didn't intend for the motion blur, but it works.


Eight hours of death metal. Yeah, it ruled.

VotW -- Siskel and Ebert's review of 'Billy Madison'

Who looks for things like character motivations in a film like 'Billy Madison'? Apparently, these two did:



So, Adam Sandler can't carry a movie? Roger, I think the public proved you wrong on that one, just like they did on The Usual Suspects and Fight Club.

Now, let me qualify this post by saying that I owe Roger Ebert a huge debt of gratitude. When I was in college and looking to feed my expanding love for cinema, his annual review books were a great tool. I found that I agreed with his opinions a large majority of the time. He wrote his reviews with a passion that most other film critics didn't possess, and it earned him a Pulitzer (still the only film critic to have received this award). And without him, I may have never tracked down masterpieces like Fellini's 8 1/2 or Ali: Fear Eats the Soul. But one place where I know not to trust his opinion is with stupid comedies. He, and most other film critics, fail to recognize that sometimes we just want to see people get hit in the balls for no reason. 'Billy Madison' is exactly that.

Stop looking at me swan!

Like Bill Frist with Terry Schaivo, I ain't letting this bitch die without a fight

I realize it's been a long time since I posted anything here, and for that I apologize. Thankfully, Lord Bling has managed to keep something novel up here during the past few months, while I spin further and further into the downward spiral that is my career and PhD program. One particular topic has pissed me off enough that I figured it was time to post again.

We all know Oprah, and the power that she wields over the opinions of soccer moms across the nation. Newsweek recently published one of the first major pieces of criticism about Oprah that's been made by a major media outlet. Oprah gets plenty of criticism, but hardly ever from mainstream media sources. In particular, the Newsweek article criticized Oprah for giving air-time to ideas that have seriously questionable scientific validity and promoting them as though they were viable medical treatments.

Oprah responded in the way that she always does, stating that she tries to give equal time to competing ideas, and has featured the opinions of doctors and researchers on health issues in addition to quacks and celebrities. Katie Wright, who has appeared on Oprah to discuss her experiences as a parent of a child with autism, defended Oprah on Age of Autism using the same "equal time for both sides" rationale and that Oprah doesn't endorse one side or the other, and lets viewers make up their own minds based on the "evidence".

The problem with the idea of "presenting two sides and letting people decide" is that it starts with the faulty premise that different viewpoints are equal in terms of their validity. Using the do routine vaccinations cause autism in children example that Oprah has presented both sides of on her program as an example, the two competing viewpoints are:

1) There has been no established link between autism and vaccines in any of the numerous scientific studies that have looked at this issue. Nearly 20 studies looking at thousands of children have concluded that there is no link between these two things.

2) My child manifested the symptoms of autism within hours of receiving routine vaccinations. Therefore, all of the previous research on thousands of children must be invalid.

The problem with presenting competing viewpoints here is that one of these viewpoints is substantially inferior to the other. Not because one belongs to a parent and the other to a physician or scientist. Rather, the idea that the opinion of a small but very vocal group of parents is anywhere close to on par with blinded, multiple randomized controlled trials is asinine. On Oprah, both viewpoints are presented as though they are equally likely to be true in the interest of fairness, even though there's way more evidence to support one versus the other.

If you're having a political debate, opinions from both sides can be informative when reasonable people disagree on issues. That doesn't also mean that unreasonable and illogical opinions deserve the same amount of attention as those with more data behind them. You'll notice that not even Fox News invites the KKK Grand Wizard to share the stage with Ann Coulter when discussing Obama's job performance, although lately it's not been clear that their opinions would be all that different.

I refuse to let this site die

With Cowboylaw working 90 hours a week, and the Midge trying to get his PhD, the responsibility of keeping this site alive has fallen squarely upon my shoulders. But rest easy, blog fans! I will answer the call, by posting random thoughts and stupid Videos of the Week, like this one!

If there was ever any doubt about Bo Jackson's abilities in Tecmo Super Bowl, let them be forever squashed by this video:

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

I will return soon with more random brain diarrhea. Until then, keep one foot in the gutter, and one fist in the gold.

Electronic Entertainment Expo 2009

I'm gonna be at E3 this coming week, so the rest of you are gonna have to step up and hold down the blog fort while I'm gone. Midge, HCP, Cowboylaw ... I'm looking at YOU! Who will step up and end this long streak of Bling blog dominance?

Video of the Week -- Carlton, Breakin' and Poppin'

I don't know what I can add to this, so let's just roll the tape:



Thug life.

Don't buy an old house.

I've had it with my house. It's about 30+ years old, and something is ALWAYS going wrong with it. When I got back from vacation on Sunday night, there was a problem with the circuit breaker box. One of the switches wouldn't stay on, so a part of my house has no power. Apparently, the box is out of date, as the company who made it has been out of business for a long time, and replacement parts are no longer made. So, I have an electrician coming this afternoon and I'm guessing he'll have to replace it (which will be around $3,000, IF I'm lucky).

Then, last night around 2:00 a.m., my girlfriend woke me up to tell me she heard a loud noise in the front yard. Now, she's paranoid, and does this from time to time, and it's usually nothing. It's almost become a routine: I get out of bed, (sometimes with my gun, if I've been playing too much Call of Duty), walk around the house, and find nothing. But this time, she was awake and in the living room, and when the noise happened, both of our cats woke up and ran away scared. So, I got up (sans gun), turned on the porch light, and found that a huge chunk of one of my trees had collapsed. Here it was this morning:


Luckily, it didn't hit my roof or break any windows. There was a thunderstorm last night, but it was probably due to the fact that the tree is in rough shape. Multiple professional feedings haven't helped, and it's probably on it's last legs, so to speak. So, my morning has been spent breaking the tree apart and dragging it to the curb.


As if that wasn't enough, my afternoon will probably be spent bending over and 'accepting' a new circuit breaker box. Guess it's back to the pharmacy for more lube...

UPDATE: Electrical repairs only cost $270. Hoping it holds up.

Video of the Week -- 'Oldboy'

You people really grind my gears. I've been screaming 'SEE OLDBOY!' from the rooftops for years now, but some of you still haven't. It's on IFC every other week, and has been on DVD and Blu-Ray for a while. Still, too many of you haven't taken the two hours to witness its brilliance. Well, here's a trailer, so you can see what you've been missing:



And here's a clip, from what I think is one of the greatest fight scenes in years. Yes, it's all one take.



What are you waiting for? SEE IT NOW, YOU MORONS!

Conference call hell

Have you ever been on a two-and-a-half-day conference call? I'm about to, and I'm wondering which level of Dante's Inferno I've stepped into. Granted, it could be worse ... I could be in San Fran with the rest of my co-workers, trapped in that room, so there's that. I can at least open my office window and get some fresh air. However, they're two hours behind me, and so I'll be on the call until 8:00 each night, IF I'm lucky.

There is light at the end of the tunnel though. The reason I didn't go out to corporate for this quarterly meeting is because I'm taking some vacation, and am flying to Seattle late Wednesday night to see some old friends. I would've only been in SF for 24 hours, so they decided to have me conference in.

Still though, I'm gonna have massive brain drain by Wednesday afternoon.

A good action movie not 'Taken' for granted

'Taken' came out on DVD and Blu-Ray yesterday, and if you like action films, you should at least give it a rent. Luc Besson ('La Femme Nikita', 'Leon - The Professional') wrote and produced it, so that should tell you what you're in for. Plus, the director (Pierre Morel) also made 'District B13', another kick-ass film about which I made one of the first Video of the Week posts. Here's one of the trailers, where Liam Neeson gets to show off his 'particular set of skills':



I've seen it three times now, and it's been enjoyable check-your-brain stuff each time. Neeson brings a good paternal instinct to his role, and he's more than capable with the fight scenes. I do have one question though. What does that girl get her dad for Father's Day? It's not like he's Josef Fritzl. 'Thanks for traveling to a foreign country to kill tons of people in order to save me from being a sex slave. Hope you like this tie!'

Video of the Week -- Motherlover

It's the follow-up to 'Dick in a Box'...



Thanks to Miles for the heads-up.

More on Joe the Plumber....

.... Moron Joe the Plumber.

"I’ve had some friends that are actually homosexual. And, I mean, they know where I stand, and they know that I wouldn’t have them anywhere near my children."

'Friends?' Like, bowling partners? Or fuck-buddies?

"I like Sarah Palin a lot, actually. I just don’t know if that’s where God’s leading her. I just know the Republican Party’s done its best to blackball her. I don’t know what her agenda is. If she ran, would I vote for her? Absolutely. John McCain was the lesser of two evils."

He doesn't know what her agenda is, but he would 'absolutely' vote for her. Wow. And it's nice to know that he feels strongly enough about lesser evil to campaign for it.




But wait! There's more!

"I would love to hear our leaders actually check with God before he does stuff."

Joe, I introduce to you, Epicurus. Also, 'he'? We have women who are leaders too.

"Not right now. God hasn't said, 'Joe, I want you to run (for public office).'"

If he were elected to our highest office, and God told him to push the nuclear button, would he do it?

I hope they keep putting a microphone in front of this clown. People like this need to be allowed enough rope to hang themselves.

EDIT -- There's a great opinion piece about this over at the Huff.

There Will Be Blood (starring Ahnold and Dubya)

Arnold Schwarzenegger in Oscar-nominated THERE WILL BE BLOOD

Video of the Week -- Rap Chop

I may have posted a video link yesterday, but THIS is the true, official Video of the Week. It's also another example of why I love the internet:



Epic.

MEXICO.

Swine flu. Earthquakes. I picked a fine time to go to Mexico, didn't I? Well, it's not like I picked it, as I'm going for work, but still.

Since I'm gonna be out for a while, I'll go ahead and post a link to my Video of the Week. This is a clip from an episode of the first season of Wonder Showzen. I thought it would be fitting, since this episode was sponsored by MEXICO.

EDIT: I'm not going! Our corporate executives cancelled all travel to Mexico until this blows over. So, you got your Video of the Week a little early.

Video of the Week -- Shawshank in a Minute

Don't sleep on the skills.



Props to the Amberglar, all the way across the pond in Germany, for sending this to me today.

Using your morality as an excuse not to do your job

The recent Supreme Court decision in Iowa, which recognized that denying people the legal rights associated with marriage is unconstitutional, has brought forth an issue that is one of my biggest annoyances. Mostly in small communities around Iowa, county recorders are using their personal religious objections to gay marriage as an excuse not to do their jobs on April 27th, when the state will begin recognizing same-sex unions. The article suggests that gay marriage opponents have been attempting to influence recorders to refuse to file paperwork on behalf of gay couples as an act of civil disobedience.

The idea that you can abandon certain job responsibilities that you feel are against your moral code is not a new one. Medical professionals don't have to perform abortions, if they choose not to. The problem with this type of exception in the case of gay marriages is that it's essentially based on discrimination. The county recorders apparently have no problem marrying straight couples who have a 50% likelihood of remaining married after 5 years. Gay people, however, do not deserve the same protections spouses receive legally, apparently.

I think there's a huge difference between marriage for legal purposes and marriage in your church. If your church wants to deny gay people the right to be married there, I'm fine with them keeping their hypocrisy and "sanctity of marriage" crap to themselves. The idea that straight people uniformly respect the institution of marriage is laughable, but if you also happen to believe that Zombie Jesus came back from the dead for your sins, believing that straight people have respected the sanctity of marriage really isn't that big of a stretch.

Legal marriage is a whole other ballgame. To say that because your church doesn't agree with gay people getting married, that your state shouldn't let them is using your own distorted morality to dictate what people who may or may not believe the same thing can do. And if you tell me our forefathers were Christian one more time, I'm going to slap you upside the head with a history book. They were deists, who wanted anything but religions running the government. Look it up.

As for the recorders in Iowa, I hope anyone who denies gay people the right to be legally married gets fired. Why should gay people have to pay taxes to support the salaries of people who won't do their jobs and want to deny them rights?

Video of the Week -- The Best of Clarence Boddicker

Two posts in one day? Crazy, I know, but I had to get a VotW in here, and it HAD to be this one:



Nothing tops 'Bitches, leave!' NOTHING.

Ow! My spine!

I tweaked my neck last weekend while doing some landscaping in the yard. So I went to a chiropractor, who took some x-rays of my back. Here's one of them:


You don't have to go to chiropractor school to know that this isn't the ideal spine shape.

On another note, I finally got the gold cross in Call of Duty 4!


I'm sure the two events aren't related, right?

Spotted on the entrance at a CVS pharmacy in my neighborhood

Now that the Midge has been through my neck of the woods, he can vouch for the fact that I don't live in a complete ghetto. However, someone didn't tell my CVS Pharmacy that:



That's not a joke. I took the picture last night. I understand that if the person at the register sees someone walk in wearing a ballcap, hoodie, and sunglasses, they might flash back to some security camera footage they saw on TruTV. But I'm not taking off my fucking baseball cap to pick up some Claritin. How is that for MY safety? Is the cashier going to shoot me because I haven't washed my hair that day, and didn't want them to see how messy it is? And don't get me started on cops wearing sunglasses indoors. They do it all the fucking time, like each one thinks he's Jack Nicholson at a Lakers game.

HOLY SHIT, IT'S A ROBBERY! Jack, put the gun down!

That CVS sign is almost as bad as this one:


Now, that sign IS a joke, but I don't think it's that far removed.

Seriously though. Would you take off your baseball cap to buy some deodorant?

Don't.

I disagree with one part of this. I thought 'The Wicker Man' was HILARIOUS.



Wait, what? 'The Wicker Man' wasn't a comedy?

The Midge on the Gilley's mechanical bull

Had I known he was gonna ride the bull, I would've brought my digital camera for better quality video:



Once his shoulders got hunched, it was over. Epic dismount though. Ankles skyward, just like that time in county...

Video of the Week -- classic Ric Flair

Continuing on the 'non-political' theme, I'm making this Video of the Week about one of the best entertainers of the 1980s: Ric Flair. No television personality made me laugh harder when I was growing up. His arrogant showmanship was obviously an act, but he had a gift. There was no pro wrestler who could talk like he could. Here's one of his better YouTube clips, where he talks the talk, and then walks the walk:

Dallas, look the fuck out

The Angry Midget is going to be in Dallas this week for a conference. It'll be the first time he and I have been able to hang out since his wedding, so this city had better look the fuck out.


Much alcohol will be consumed.

Many liver cells will be deformed.

Many donkeys will be raped.

Video of the Week -- Zero Punctuation reviews Resident Evil 5

If you can't tell by my posts these last couple of weeks, I'm not in much of a hurry to talk politics. I'm gonna continue that trend with the Video of the Week. Yahtzee is a British video game programmer who lives in Australia, and decided one day to make a funny review of a game (with Flash animation). It was a huge overnight hit, and so he made a couple of others to show that he wasn't a one-hit wonder. Then, online magazine The Escapist bought his show (titled Zero Punctuation, due to how fast he talks). Over the past year or so, it's aged like a fine wine, and here is another winner, just posted today, where he talks about Resident Evil 5 (bear with the ad that runs in the beginning; it's short):



Couldn't agree more. It's a pretty game that has a dated control and inventory scheme, and goddammit if your AI-controlled partner doesn't worthlessly burn through ammo (and try to heal you) at every turn.

Can't wait to see if he reviews MadWorld. It's like The Running Man meets Itchy and Scratchy.

Video of the Week -- the heaviest thing you'll hear all day

Hey everyone. Here's my pick for Video of the Week. It's a music video from a band called Cattle Decapitation. So right there, you probably know what kind of music you're in for. This video is for a track called 'Regret and the Grave.' You can probably tell from the video that they're vegetarians. I'm not, but the irony in the video isn't lost on me.

Cattle Decapitation - New Music - More Music Videos

I'm a big fan of death metal, and no, I can't tell what he's saying in this song, so here is a sample:

"Wolves use their cunning and stalk in the night
We hide like cowards, with machines to magnify our sight
They've only the skills ever evolving to kill
We hide behind the steel and are slaves to our will

You, the consumer now consumed..."

Dubya to write coloring book

Seriously.


The president who doesn't know how to read is writing a book. Look the fuck out.

The Game of Life has a 'gay agenda'?

Ultra-neo-uber-conservative website WorldNetDaily has an article about how The Game of Life on the PC 'pushes same-sex marriage.' Then, in a brilliant journalistic moment, the very first sentence says, 'includes an option for players to choose homosexual marriage and child-rearing as a way of life.' So, 'pushing' and 'allowing choice' are now the same thing?

"Shortly thereafter, the game invites players to choose a spouse, regardless of the potential spouse's sex."

"WND followed the mother's example and played a game as "Jennifer," who chose to marry another woman."

CHOICE. They let people choose who they want to be in the game. Just like you could 'choose' to put two male (or two female) pegs in the front seat of the car in the board game.

And don't get me started on the advertisement worked into the story for a brainwashing book that the website sells. 'From Crayons to Condoms?' REALLY? Yeah, that's why Johnny can't read. In the immortal words of Jon Stewart: Fuck you.

Video of the Week -- How is Jim Cramer not in jail right now?

I'll admit it. Sometimes, when I'm flipping through the channels at night, I occasionally stop on Jim Cramer's Mad Money. The guy's entertaining. It's annoying that he yells every word at the top of his lungs, but he's either really smart about the overall stock market, or has a great short-term memory. Plus, he hits a lot of funny sounding buttons!

Well, it seems that he and Jon Stewart are in a bit of a feud right now. Gotta say, even before watching this video, I was on Stewart's side:

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Basic Cable Personality Clash Skirmish '09

Daily Show Full Episodes
Important Things With Demetri Martin

Political Humor
Economic Crisis

And if you're not on Stewart's side yet, watch this interview with Cramer from 2006:



Yes, you really DID hear him say such things as:

"You can't foment. That's a violation... But you do it anyway because the SEC doesn't understand it."

"When you have six days and your company may be in doubt because you are down, I think it is really important to foment."

"What's important when you are in that hedge fund mode is to not be doing anything that is remotely truthful, because the truth is so against your view. It is important to create a new truth to develop a fiction."

How has this guy stayed out of prison, much less have a popular TV show?

NEWS FLASH: McCain's daughter is not a righty (also not unattractive)

Meghan McCain is for gay marriage, voted for John Kerry in 2004, and just today, she publicly trashes Ann Coulter? No wonder her dad kept her out of the spotlight last year. She may still be a righty, but she's an independent thinker, and that's something I'll always give kudos for.

My scanner still works

Nels asked me to send him some of the pics from the second Bronco Super Bowl party, so I broke out the scanner. I also scanned a bunch of other masterpieces, and they're on Facebook, so if you're a friend of mine there, enjoy. I didn't include a few of the more 'drunk' pictures, since I know FB has plenty of employers on it, as well as others who may not be willing to accept the fact that we all like to throw down from time to time.

Like a good dealer, I'm gonna give you a free taste here:

Postcards from the Edge

Just some random thoughts for the blog since we've kind of fallen off the wagon in regards to current events due to money, drugs, and women. Unfortunately, the money we don't have anymore, the drugs are the lamest of prescription, and the women are now required by law to see us naked. Be that as it may in no certain order:

-Jay Cutler on the trading block in Denver. What a load of horseshit! Sorry he may be the goofiest looking QB in the NFL, but he's more fun to watch than Jake Plummer and is more qualified to run a McDonalds than Matt Cassell will ever be, let alone the quarterback position. I'd rather watch a gunslinger go down swinging than simply running the clock out to get to the next game. So it's in the best interest of McDaniels to remember he's in Mile High and not New England.

-A little over one month since the Obama administration took over and the "Right" wing of the republican party has called it, or is calling for, a failure already. How is this possible? I will give them credit, they have the market cornered when it comes to obstructionism. Get in line or get the fuck out of the way. Just quit voting all together and let the Democrats do what they think is best. If it fails, we'll own it, but when it works, we'll own that too. I will also take to gloating and slapping the babies of Republican mothers in public. I may even break bones and laugh, we'll see.

-Rush Limbaugh is the new leader of the Republican party. While I initially laughed my ass off at the shear thought of this, I find after the Douche-PAC convention this weekend that he certainly must be, but here's the thing about Rush. He's big in his own mind and I believe that the Republicans have allowed a monster to operate unfettered for far too long, and if they lose this next election cycle, I hope his own party has the sense to bury him for good. All human kind may depend on it.

-Bobby Jindal...never has mediocrity been so painful to watch. Like the Daily Show put it, you are the Mr. Rogers of the Republican party, without the range of character. If you are in fact meant to resurrect your party, we'll see you guys in 2024. That should be enough time to get your shit together.

Do not take my post the wrong way, I have no doubt that the Republicans can, and will, bring it in the next mid-term especially if they finally find someone to speak up that isn't a complete fucktard. I look forward to that day. By the way, Steele was in no way a pander towards black people. No one saw that one coming. Governor Gidget really brought the female vote to the Republicans this last cycle so I'm sure that black people are stupid enough to just vote for the party with the "brotha." Good luck shitheads.

-HCP

Video of the Week is early this time

Thanks to The Miles for sending this. It was too good not to share here with you all. Can't describe it ... just watch: