The Top Ten things I learned from 'A Christmas Carol'

1: Ebenezer Scrooge started the War on Christmas.
2: Jacob Marley was way too uptight. He should've smoked a Bob Marley.
3: The Ghost Hunters would've had a field day at Scrooge's house.
4: The Milk of Human Kindness tastes best when drank from a pimp cup.
5: If you can't afford to feed your family properly, maybe it's time to stop rutting.
6: If you haven't had a raise in eight years, perhaps it's time to hit up Monster.com.
7: Poor people have more fun than rich people.
8: Scrooge's future is a lot like ours: No flying cars!
9: Seeing a tombstone with your name on it can be life-changing.
10: If England had universal health care in the 1800's, Tiny Tim wouldn't have needed Scrooge's trickle-down guilt money.