Did you hear the news? Make sure you're sitting down for this one. The excitement might just knock you on your ass. We all know that Ashton Kutcher is so CLEVER. To add to his long listof accolades that includes Punk'd and uh....Dude Where's My Car.... and uh anyway, he's making a sitcom about a young guy that marries and older woman. Where does he get this solid gold material? Maybe I should write a sitcom about a midget genius with tons of charisma and a special talent for wooing the ladies.
I'm sure you're all very upset to hear about Nick and Jessica's apparent break-up. Forgive me if I have a hard time feeling sorry for him. It's not like he's going to miss having those frequent intellectual conversations with her. Don't get me wrong, his music has sucked from the time the clock struck 0:01 on 98 Degrees first album. His SoulO (how fucking clever is that, he must totally have soul) album is no Dark Side of the Moon, either. As far as I'm concerned, Nick should be the happiest guy in the world. He got to bone Jessica Simpson for a couple years, now he gets out just in time to land a gig with ESPN College Game Day. Touring college campuses each week, surrounded by thousands of college girls. If Ashton needs an idea for a sitcom, that would get my vote.
NEWS FLASH - Paris Hilton is a dirty skank. She has no talent or value to society, aside from the occasional home video. That's something we can all agree on. Talk trash about her all you want though, because any straight man out there would crawl naked through barbed wire just to touch one of her granny boobies. Any man who tells you otherwise is a complete liar.
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