Gonzales v. Truth

Alberto Gonzales says "You're Fired."


Just a brief note on the currently brewing fight in Washington about Our Most Favoritest Attorney General Ever, Alberto Gonzales, his puppet-master Karl Rove, and their odds of testifying before Congress. For those of you living in a cave, or in Texas (where the news is limited to rodeo results and terror threat level updates), there is currently a controversey brewing over the firing of 8 U. S. Attorneys. Every reasonable person with any knowledge of the facts surrounding these firings has come to the conclusion that they were politically-motivated. If anyone wants to dispute me, cite the U. S. Attorney in question and I will respond, in the comments, with his or her CV, job reviews, and career highlights. I will also put you in a rhetorical headlock, give you debate noogies, and make you cry argument uncle. And then I'll strip you naked, paint you blue and throw you in the girls' locker room.



Anyway, not surprisingly, people who aren't big fans of corrupt government, nepotism and the placing of incompetent horse judges in places of power (paging Brownie.....) have taken exception to the firing of a number of good civil servants. And those people (read: Democrats) have asked the AG and the White House to explain why 8 good public servants have just been pink slipped. The White House has responded that it is happy to make Albie and King Karl available to give "testimony" to Congress, but only (1) in private, away from television cameras that might create an irrefutable record about what was said, and (2) not under oath.



Okay, take another second and read that last sentence again. Why doesn't Bush just tattoo the words "We're going to lie" on Albie and Karl's forehead and send them out into the world? Even the room-temperature-IQ crowd who voted for Bush the first time (49%, at any rate) and the second time (50.5%, including misrecorded votes in Ohio) should be capable of discerning that THE ONLY REASON ONE WOULD ASK TO TESTIFY IN PRIVATE AND NOT UNDER OATH IS IF ONE WERE GOING TO LIE HIS FREAKING ASS OFF.



I worked for 2 years at the U. S. Attorney's Office in Minneapolis, so I know that these people are political appointees who are subject to being dismissed for any reason at any time. Just like me, Bling, the Midge, and every single one of you who doesn't belong to a union. That being said, that's not really how it works. Good USAs can expect continuing employment. Just like me, Bling, etc. What we have here, instead, are people who were brave enough to stand up to Bush/Rove, and have lost their jobs as a result. Someone should answer for this. Under oath. In front of the cameras. And if the Administration had a good reason for what it did, it would be willing to do so. The fact that it is not is telling.



By the way, one of Albie's assistants is going to take the 5th at a hearing he has been compelled to attend. Constitutional niceties aside, let me note that everyone who can spell their name consistently knows that the 5th Amendment's text reads "I am guilty as shit, and am therefore not going to answer that question because I hear they anally rape WASP Republican lawyers in prison." Stay tuned for more details. Hopefully, we can reunite Albie and Rumsfeld in the near future.