Eat ME!I had some requests today to post a link to last year's Happy Thanksgiving post regarding the injustice that is Tofurkey. As you will soon agree, Thanksgiving is one of the greatest holidays we celebrate in this country. Also, Happy Birthday to CowboyLaw, who is probably celebrating as I write this with his annual coke and whores fandango.
Thanksgiving kicks ass for a lot of reasons, and I will outline a few for you right now:
1) Not a religious holiday - I have nothing against religious holidays. But Thanksgiving is a holiday for everyone, except Jehova's Witnesses. I am not sure what Jehova did or why all these people were there to see it, but apparently, it was something that ruined every holiday for all of eternity. Like when you see Mommy kissing Santa Claus while your Dad is passed out on the front lawn. I guess some vegans and animal rights activists probably hate Thanksgiving as well, but they can go fuck themselves.
2) 3 day work week/4 day weekend - Most of us are lucky enough to only have 3 days of work this week. Those of us who aren't lucky enough, need to find a better job with more vacation. This is the one week a year, Americans get to appreciate what it would be like to hold a full-time job in France. Whatever lazy pilgrim decided that Thanksgiving would ALWAYS be on Thursday is Ok in my book. Too bad Jesus and George Washington (or whomever decided what day the 4th of July should fall on) couldn't have taken a hint from that guy.
3) Gluttony - There are 7 deadly sins, and most of the major holidays give us a chance to celebrate each one. Christmas is about Greed or Envy. 4th of July is about Pride. Valentines Day is about Lust. Thanksgiving gives us a chance to celebrate my favorite deadly sin by gorging our faces with 800,000 calories and winding up watching Happy Thanksgiving Charlie Brown with a decent beer buzz.
4) Turducken - In a touching tribute to People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA), Turducken offers a way to consume 3 different animals in one dish. Aside from deep fat frying a turkey in your driveway, it doesn't get much better than this.
5) Day After Thanksgiving Shopping - Don't get me wrong, I hate going shopping on Thursday nights when all the assholes are at home watching Survivor or Lost or another show that highlights our obsession with people getting stranded out in the middle of fucking nowhere. What I enjoy about Day After Thanksgiving Shopping is watching how mild-mannered people will kick the living shit out of each other for a $25 mp3 player that won't even be working this time next year. I'll be at Best Buy on Friday morning with a lawnchair and a beer, ready to see a couple complete retards fight it out over a Garth Brooks box set.
As you can see, the reasons to enjoy Thanksgiving are as plentiful as the number of skanks that I have met in my life. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving.
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