Monday, June 12, 2006

Looking to Assert your Individuality: Try a Barbed Wire Tattoo

It's the most individual, unique tattoo I've ever seen....

I play in a sand volleyball league on Monday nights, which is essentially a cover for drinking beer on a work night. The league that we play in is like the G League, as in A league is the best and as the letters go, well, you get the idea. Our league is for people who do not wish to compete, they simply want a way to have their habitual drinking during the work week to seem more socially acceptable. I was sitting there this evening, drinking a beer and examining my surroudings, when I started to notice the newest trend among blue collar males: a tattoo of barbed wire around the upper arm. I've never seen anything so original in my entire life.

It's so rare and cutting edge, that I had to take the above picture of a guy's arm in my league, just so that I KNEW that you all would know what I was talking about. It's not like you can just type barbed wire arm tattoo in Google Images and get like 540,000 results. I knew if I said, "I saw several guys with a barbed wire tattoo around their arms in my volleyball league.", you would have all been like "I can't even wrap my mind around something so tough and unorthidoxed. Ryan must be full of shit. No human being is so crazy and out of the box that they would even think of doing that."

At first, I will admit, I was completely intimidated by these individuals. Does the barbed wire tattoo mean that their arm might cut me in half during an impromtu game of Red Rover? Or does it mean that this individual is SUPER FUCKING TOUGH. Just like a roll of barbed wire?

I would think that this might become incredibly popular among very mean and strong people. Almost like a calling card that says "I am someone who is not to be trifled with. My arm has barbed wire on it, which can only mean that cattle and other livestock, as well as prison inmates, cannot cross my bicep muscle." I am still in awe that so many dudes in my volleyball league have done something so original that it says "I want to assert my individuality with others, who are different like me."

I'm not sure if I'll even be able to go back and play next Monday night. I get goosebumps just thinking about those pasty white arms and black lines of ink. I thought about getting my own barbed wire tattoo, but I am such a creature of conformity, that I couldn't possibly do something like that. And my arm might explode the next time I flex my bicep.

Something has to be done, or the next thing you know, every plumber and journeyman electrician will have a barbed wire tattoo, and those of us without one will be left alone, while our girlfriends and wives flock to these obviously superior individuals, like lemmings into the sea.

3 comments:

Lord Bling said...

Thank Raptor Jesus! At first, I thought that picture you posted was YOUR new tattoo.

Miles said...

That picture looks just like the shaft of my cock!

Matt W said...

People with barbed wire tattoos should thank their freakin' lucky stars that the tramp stamp became the "in" thing to rag on and drew attention away from their lack of originality. Excuse me while I go confirm my manliness with a barbed wire tat above my ass crack....