Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Click here to have your eyeballs fucked. And not in a nice, loving way, but in a prison-gang-rape way.
Is there any wonder why the film industry is shot to shit? And is there any wonder why children are as messed up as they are when things like this pass for 'family entertainment?'
This is a pretty simplistic and representative example of what Christmas decorations are like in the suburbs. Icicle lights were cool, back in like 1972. I have to give them credit for not overdoing things too much. As you will soon see, there are a lot of jackasses out there with more money to pay electrical bills and buy gawdy decorations than common sense.
I see crap like this all over the place. Some of them are even animated to make it look like the damn things are eating. As if these satanic reindeer spawn aren't scary enough on their own. I hear there's a guy in Alabama who makes pigs like this too, but we won't talk about this since it's a family webpage.
Did I just take acid? Either these people own the power plant outside of town or no one has told them that the number of lights you have on display outside your house has nothing to do with intelligence or the size of your penis. Next year why don't you just add a giant frosty the snowman giving birth to baby Jesus, since that's the only thing I can see that's missing from this suburban atrocity. This guy's neighbors probably wish they lived across the street from Morman drug dealers instead of his phony ass during the holidays.
Now, this display is pretty damned cool. Spelling Happy Hanukkah in lights inside a bunch of dradles is top shelf. If I were Jewish, I would get a similar display to display at my house that said FUCK YOU BILL O'REILLY YOU GIANT ANTI-SEMITE DOUCHEBAG with a giant Star of David at the end. If you know where I can pick something like this up, please let me know.
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Is that bad? Bad enough to get get arrested (those involved were, by the way) Well, it's certainly stupid, because I bet the market would bear a much higher price than $40 for a naked lap dance. Maybe they were just under-valuing services through the "start-up" phase of the new business. They were selling "alcohol", although we have no information regarding for how much. Maybe that's what made it bad...because we all know that it's reprehensible to collect money for alcohol without getting permission and giving some of it back to the local government.
But, how about morally speaking. Some would say THAT'S why it was bad. But, was the whole thing SO bad? Let's compare it to another activity that takes place at football stadiums: Namely, ticket scalping. I've participated in "scalping" transactions that left me feeling like I'd been bent over and had my protstate examined by a non-professional medical person. Sort of in the same genre as a $40 naked lap dance, don't you think? However, it's much more expensive and much less pleasant. However, it seems that for years I have seen ticket scalping occuring at stadium entrances overtly and apparently almost unabated, despite laws against it. I think one could argue that both the lap dancing and the ticket scalping involve people exchanging money, during their leisure time, for a form of entertainment. Yet, one is almost an institution and the other gets the slap-down put on it. Officers confiscated $2,000 from the enterprising adult entertainers. $2000???? I've heard of scalpers getting more than that for 1 pair of tickets to popular concerts. $2000 is baby shit. I think the last time I went to an establishment where you could get lap dances, a group of 4 or 5 of must have spent close to $2000...And those lap dancers weren't naked!!! I exaggerate, of course, but still, $2000 seems like a pretty small-time operation.
But wait...Isn't Tampa where they caught the two Carolina Panthers cheerleaders having allegedly having sex? (one of whom has a really big nose) Is this creative form of tailgating SO bad compared to that?
Maybe this latest bust was part of some new NFL "no tolerance" policy relating to sex and football. I guess we'll have to wait and see.
In related news, Minnesota Vikings players, distraught over the fact that they played the Bucs in Minnesota this year, have apparently begun circulating a petition among the team asking the owner to relocate to the Tampa area or at least to arrange to play both Carolina and Tampa Bay on the road next season.
Monday, November 28, 2005
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
Monday, November 21, 2005
The pointless battle against music piracy continues to get more pointless and annoying. Media giant Sony BMG recently implemented software on some of their albums that attempted to limit the number of times that an individual CD could be copied. Sounds simple enough, except that the "security" software in question leaves huge security holes in users' computers and can be circumvented with a piece of scotch tape. Lawsuits and general internet pandemonium ensue.
The people that run the major record companies in the US are not exactly known for creative, forward-thinking solutions to the problems they face. All the truly innovative technological advances in how we obtain and listen to music have come from companies outside the music industry, such as Apple and Napster. Record companies continue to beat a dead horse, by sticking to the same technology (CDs) and delivery model (you go to store to pay $15 for a new CD, most of which completely sucks).
This model has been incredibly profitable for record companies, which is why they've been so slow to abandon it. Record companies and their trade association, the Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA), continue to cling to the same 1984 delivery model, while people are swapping music, ripping CDs, and podcasting all around them. Despite the public relations nightmare that is Sony BMG's latest attempt to preserve elderly technology, the RIAA released a statement in support of Sony BMG's efforts, nevermind the fact that Sony BMG's technology compromised the security of thousands of people's personal computers.
RIAA has been quick to blame consumers and technology, but it's not the responsibility of the consumer to stand by and wait for the recording industry to accept that they've been left behind. I shouldn't make blanket statements about the recording industry, as many within that umbrella continue to develop cutting edge products and ways to market their music with new technology. However, this recent development sends a clear message to companies that think they will be able to control their product with a nearly 30 year-old delivery model: RIP motherfuckers.
Worst part about it is, I have to work tomorrow, and it's gonna be KILLING me to have that sitting at home, waiting for me. Fortunately, thanks to a link posted by Kotaku, I know how many systems this particular store is getting, so I'll know when I get there if I'm getting one or not. The link has since been taken down, due to legal threats by Best Buy, so I assume that they had the right allocations posted.
Mmmm. High-definition gaming. I'll be back tomorrow with an update, for the two of you who care...
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
Now, I don't know about you, but in my mind, there's only one way to pronounce that name. I've seen some weird stuff in this industry (and I don't even get to buy porn) ... but this takes the fuccon cake.
Apparently, this Japanese show is a sit-com starring ... wait for it .... mannequins. I'm a big fan of Asian cinema, but I'll be the first to admit that I don't get a lot of their culture. I'm still trying to get my mind around Katamari Damacy, for Christ's sake. However, I'll try to withhold final judgment on this show until I get a screening copy. Stay tuned...
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
With apologies to those who thought of this earlier and do a better job of it, The Angry Midget Blog hereby presents CowboyLaw checks his email.
Subject: CONGRADULATIONS YOU
My first email is from the “UK Lottery.” The “UK Lottery” tell me that “We are happily announce to you the draw (#994) of the UK NATIONAL LOTTERY….” You would think that English people would be better at english. But that’s another issue. The email goes on to tell me that the big prize “is yet to be unclaimed and you are getting the final NOTIFICATION as regards this.” At first, I thought this was another typo, but now I think it may be the author’s attempt at dark humor: it’s literally true---the prize is not “unclaimed.” The email also notes that “Our European agent will immediately commence the process to facilitate the release of your funds as soon as you contact him.” Okay, I’m ready to contact your European agent. What’s his contact information? “Mr Luis Santiago, Phone number: +447031917254, Fax number: +447092867268, Official Email: email@example.com” Okay, now I have a question: why is the British national lottery’s official email address a HotMail account? I know Microsoft is taking over the world, but this seems a bit silly. Maybe in a follow-up blog post, I’ll call Mr. Santiago and find out what he wants from me. My suspicion is that he merely wants my bank routing number so he can wire funds to my account.
Subject: Where are you?
Sender: Ralph Myers (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Yes, this is one of those emails that attempts to trick you with an ambiguous subject line. I get these all the time: “Why don’t you respond to my email?” “I saw you the other day” “I know it’s been a long time” “We’re suspending your account for fraud” “Your mom is sick” “Your mom is in the hospital” “Please come visit your mom during her final days” “Your mom’s funeral is Saturday”. I mean, really, I’ve seen them all. Also, I don’t know many Dutch guys (P.S.: the one Dutch guy I do know is a former World’s Strongest Man contender. Ironic, no?). Once Ralphy lures me into his email, he gets straight to the point: “Are you readyy for nastyy hoousewivves?” Apparently, Dutch people like to use a lot of unnecessary consonants, vowels, and sometimes-vowels (by the way, WTF is up with Y anyway? Pick a side, Y! No more namby-pamby, Swiss-style neutrality). Ralphy’s website, http://www.tejaxorery.com, is…..actually not that bad. But it seems to be named after some combination of
Subject: Microcaps can equal Mega gains
Sender: Cornelius A. Castaneda (email@example.com)
This email did answer a burning question I’ve had for awhile: does anyone still use Lycos? Also: does anyone still name their child Cornelius? Anywho, Corny wants me to buy a lot of shares of HLV Trading, Inc. Corny tells me that, as of the day of his email (November 15) HLV Trading is selling for $0.028, and that Corny’s company, Tip Top Trading (I’m not making this up) projects a “2 - 3 Day Target Price” of $0.055. Wow! 5 and a half whole cents a share! Today (Nov. 15) 323,000 shares of HLVC were traded. If I bought as many shares as were traded today, and the stock performed as Tip Top Corny said it would, then in 2 or 3 days, I could sell that boatload of shares a realize a profit (before trading commissions) of $9,690. Assuming I could find anyone interested in buying 323,000 shares of Donkey Dung Trading Ponji Scheme, Inc. I think when Corny said that Microcaps can equal Mega gains, he was mostly thinking of his gains when he sells me his shares of Mom’s Basement Fictional Trading Enterprise, LLC. Stay tuned for updates regarding the performance of Running Cadillac Stock Brokerage and Pimpery, LLP.
Friday, November 11, 2005
Sales of the Pontiac Firebird have been hot in France
As the flames turn to embers in the outskirts of Paris, the overanalysis is already beginning as to how such civil unrest can occur in an otherwise civilized country. Conservatives, wanting to avoid discussions about ethics and CIA leaks and torture, have turned to blaming "liberal French politics" for the riots. Mona Charen tries to make the case that: "American liberals are equivalent to European socialists. And French socialists have set the table for the current crisis."
A pretty huge conceptual jump, in my opinion, but I'll bite. The assertion that liberal philsophies and policies are to blame for France's economic situation is a highly simplistic viewpoint of the situation. It's akin to blaming United Airlines for one of their planes flying into the World Trade Center on 9/11, which is similarly asinine. The economic situation in France has no doubt been affected by some ridiculous government policies, including one which is designed to protect employment by making it incredibly difficult to fire people, but has only decreased utilization of temporary labor.
To say that such policies are the only factor at work in the situation ignores France's long-term issues with their economy, which stretch from long before the age of Jacques Chirac. Unemployment in France has ranged between 15 - 25% over the past 10 years. Anyone trying to link such trends to liberal philsophies should only look as far as our own recent recession during the Bush Presidency and with Republicans at the helm in Congress. Obviously conservative philosophies aren't exactly a solution for unemployment as emperically proven here in the US since 2000.
Sadly, instead of making an effort to understand what happened in France so that perhaps we can help to prevent future rioting, pundits want to place blame across political lines as if their gross oversimplification somehow justifies their viewpoint. And we wonder why there isn't a contstructive political dialogue in this country...
Thursday, November 10, 2005
Where's President Bush?
First, thanks to everyone for visiting the site. Feel free to post comments until your fingers fall off. I am compiling some classic hate mail to share with you sometime at the end of this week or weekend. It shows how people who voted for Bush should surrender their right to bear children.
Tomorrow is Veterans' Day here in the states. Listed below are some of our political leaders and their military service. Thanks to ER for sending this to me.
* Richard Gephardt: Air National Guard, 1965-71.
* David Bonior: Staff Sgt., Air Force 1968-72.
* Tom Daschle: 1st Lt., Air Force SAC 1969-72.
* Don L "Sky Cop" Overstreet 1st Lt Servced in the Air Force 1954 -58
* Al Gore: enlisted Aug. 1969; sent to Vietnam Jan. 1971 as an army journalist in 20th Engineer Brigade.
* Bob Kerrey: Lt. j.g. Navy 1966-69; Medal of Honor, Vietnam.
* Daniel Inouye: Army 1943-47; Medal of Honor, WWII.
* John Kerry: Lt., Navy 1966-70; Silver Star, Bronze Star with Combat V, Purple Hearts.
* Charles Rangel: Staff Sgt., Army 1948-52; Bronze Star, Korea.
* Max Cleland: Captain, Army 1965-68; Silver Star & Bronze Star, Vietnam.
* Ted Kennedy: Army, 1951-53.
* Tom Harkin: Lt., Navy, 1962-67; Naval Reserve, 1968-74.
* Jack Reed: Army Ranger, 1971-1979; Captain, Army Reserve 1979-91.
* Fritz Hollings: Army officer in WWII; Bronze Star and seven campaign ribbons.
* Leonard Boswell: Lt. Col., Army 1956-76; Vietnam, DFCs, Bronze Stars, and Soldier's Medal.
* Pete Peterson: Air Force Captain, POW. Purple Heart, Silver Star and Legion of Merit.
* Mike Thompson: Staff sergeant, 173rd Airborne, Purple Heart.
* Bill McBride: Candidate for Fla. Governor. Marine in Vietnam; Bronze Star with Combat V.
* Gray Davis: Army Captain in Vietnam, Bronze Star.
* Pete Stark: Air Force 1955-57
* Chuck Robb: Vietnam
* Howell Heflin: Silver Star
* George McGovern: Silver Star & DFC during WWII.
* Bill Clinton: Did not serve. Student deferments. Entered draft but received #311.
* Jimmy Carter: Seven years in the Navy.
* Walter Mondale: Army 1951-1953
* John Glenn: WWII and Korea; six DFCs and Air Medal with 18 Clusters.
* Tom Lantos: Served in Hungarian underground in WWII. Saved by Raoul Wallenberg.
Republicans -- and these are the guys sending people to war:
* Dick Cheney: did not serve. Several deferments, the last by marriage.
* Dennis Hastert: did not serve.
* Tom Delay: did not serve.
* Roy Blunt: did not serve.
* Bill Frist: did not serve.
* Mitch McConnell: did not serve.
* Rick Santorum: did not serve.
* Trent Lott: did not serve.
* John Ashcroft: did not serve. Seven deferments to teach business.
* Jeb Bush: did not serve.
* Karl Rove: did not serve.
* Saxby Chambliss: did not serve. "Bad knee." The man who attacked Max Cleland's patriotism.
* Paul Wolfowitz: did not serve.
* Vin Weber: did not serve.
* Richard Perle: did not serve.
* Douglas Feith: did not serve.
* Eliot Abrams: did not serve.
* Richard Shelby: did not serve.
* Tim Hutchison: did not serve.
* Christopher Cox: did not serve.
* Newt Gingrich: did not serve.
* Don Rumsfeld: served in Navy (1954-57) as flight instructor.
* George W. Bush: failed to complete his six-year National Guard; got assigned to Alabama so he could campaign for family friend running for U.S. Senate; failed to show up for required medical exam, disappeared from duty.
* Ronald Reagan: due to poor eyesight, served in a non-combat role making movies.
* B-1 Bob Dornan: Consciously enlisted after fighting was over in Korea.
* Phil Gramm: did not serve.
* John McCain: Silver Star, Bronze Star, Legion of Merit, Purple Heart and Distinguished Flying Cross.
* Dana Rohrabacher: did not serve.
* John M. McHugh: did not serve.
* JC Watts: did not serve.
* Jack Kemp: did not serve. "Knee problem," although continued in NFL for 8 yrs.
* Dan Quayle: Journalism unit of the Indiana National Guard.
* Rudy Giuliani: did not serve.
* George Pataki: did not serve.
* Spencer Abraham: did not serve.
* John Engler: did not serve.
* Lindsey Graham: National Guard lawyer.
* Arnold Schwarzenegger: AWOL from Austrian army base.
Pundits & Preachers
* Sean Hannity: did not serve.
* Rush Limbaugh: did not serve (4-F with a 'pilonidal cyst.')
* Bill O'Reilly: did not serve.
* Michael Savage: did not serve.
* George Will: did not serve.
* Chris Matthews: did not serve.
* Paul Gigot: did not serve.
* Bill Bennett: did not serve.
* Pat Buchanan: did not serve.
* John Wayne: did not serve.
* Bill Kristol: did not serve
* Kenneth Starr: did not serve.
* Antonin Scalia: did not serve.
* Clarence Thomas: did not serve.
* Ralph Reed: did not serve.
* Michael Medved: did not serve.
* Charlie Daniels: did not serve.
* Ted Nugent: did not serve. (He only shoots at things that don't shoot back.)
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
Now, there are two ways one can interpret the results of this study. First (and more patriotic), one could surmise that Senators, who are usually briefed daily on the current status of this nation and the world in general, simply know more about the current events that influence stock prices, and therefore gain their performance advantage fairly. Bush administration officials, please note: I have advanced an innocent explanation for this. Please don't put me on your enemies list. Second (and lest patriotic), one could surmise that Senators, who are in daily contact with the members of the capitalist uber-class, including CEOs and directors who are (1) in possession of insider information and (2) interested in gaining favor with people like United States Senators, are privy to information that the rest of us don't have, and are leveraging this information to make themselves a boatload of cash.
I'm interested in hearing your reactions, which will either prove that (1) I'm a cynical SOB who believes the worst about people, or (2) that I'm a realist in a world that makes cynics of us all through bitter experience.
Sunday, November 06, 2005
In order to win the Supreme Court debate with any Republican, you need only remember two words: Richard Posner. Posner is a judge in the 7th Circuit Court of Appeals, and was the chief judge of that circuit for 7 years. Widely regarded as a brilliant jurist, Posner has been called one of the most influential judges in the last 20 years. No one has ever accused Posner of being an "activist" judge. And Posner's writings on the relationship between economics and law would comfort most big businesses. And yet, 2 generations of Bushes have passed over Posner in favor of, in order, the brilliant Clarence Thomas; John Roberts; Harriet Miers; and now Sam Alito.
Any rational person would ask "Why, in the name of your Protestant Born-Again God, have you not given this man a chance?" And the answer is both simple and telling. Posner is Pro-Choice, and he's an atheist. Now, Bush II said he wouldn't use abortion as a "litmus test" for judicial, nominees, and Bush II never lies, so we must assume that had nothing to do with Posner not being nominated. And the Constitution, which both Bushes are such fans of, mandates a separation of church and state, so Posner's atheism can't have anything to do with it. So, if what we really want here is the best qualified person for the job, why has Bush II not nominated Posner?
If you can find a Republican who can answer that question, let me know. I'd like to meet them.
Friday, November 04, 2005
I'm getting tired of all the yellow ribbon magnets on cars, that weren't even made here in this country. Empty gestures do not support our troops. Don't just buy a magnet (in some weak attempt to 'belong' to a group). Try actually doing something that supports our troops. Does your neighbor (or coworker) have a son or daughter serving? Send them a care package. Make a donation to the USO. And for God's sake, take that magnet off of your vehicle. Yeah, I know. You support our troops. So does 99.99 percent of this nation. You're not special, and you don't belong to some group.
That's right, it isn't free. It costs $1.05 And that magnet was $4.99. Do the math.
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
As some of you may know and other may find it hard to believe, I enjoy reading other sites, particularly if the writer(s) of those sites have opinions that may differ significantly from mine. That's how that whole World Debate fiasco got started in the first place. In my search to understand the other side, today was not unlike any other day, until I came across this blog.
The basic premise is that the site is incredibly boring, even predictable. As I read through the site, I was overwhelmed by cliche after cliche. I couldn't have made some of this shit up if I were John-fucking-Mayer. He's a self-proclaimed neo-conservative. His hobbies include poker (which last time I checked was EVERYONE'S hobby that didn't have a real hobby before ESPN started broadcasting Texas Hold'em every God damned night) and listening to the band Phish.
I'll be honest that this intrigued me a little bit. A Republican who likes Phish. It's almost good enough that Fox would build an animated Sit-com around the idea. Don't worry, that is absolutely the only interesting thing about this guy. If you continue down through his profile, you'll get the idea.
As an aside, listing Catcher in the Rye or something by Ayn Rand (Fountainhead, in this case) as some of your favorite books does not make you an intellectual. Everyone loves Catcher in the Rye just as much as everyone who listens to shitty music likes to listen to Phish, and how every Tom, Dick and Gary likes to play Texas Hold'em all of the sudden in the last 6 months. Catcher in the Rye is a good book, but also probably the number one sign of a person who hasn't read a book since high school English, when we ALL had to read Catcher in the Rye. The only thing missing here is that his favorite movie wasn't Good Will Hunting (although one them was Pulp Fiction, which is also EVERYONE's favorite movie of all time, except me, I like The Grudge with Sarah Michelle Gellar).
As you can tell, I was getting a little fired up after reading this, so I went to this post on his website and posted the following comment: (Check back to his site to see if he responds)
Wow. Such an original concept. A blog supporting President Bush. I've never seen anything like it.
Do you see the irony in claiming that you will write what you want to write, and then telling Aaron not to excercise his freedom of speech?
Then again, if you admire the President, you're probably one of those people who agrees with the 1st Amendment only for white, Christian, conservatives who won't say things that you find offensive.
The sad thing is that you're probably a really intelligent and interesting guy who has a lot to say, but instead you're going to spend all your time and creative energy writing a blog about how much you'd like to make out with President Bush.