Tuesday, October 18, 2005

The entire city of Houston gets owned



Father, it's been more than 30 years since my last confession, mainly because I'm not Catholic, but I have to confess now ... I'm a Cubs fan. So of course, I'm not too excited about the White Sox making it to the World Series, but I'll admit, it's out of jealousy. I don't want Chicago's first World Series championship in almost 90 years to be brought by the South Side, to their meth-addicted mullet-wearing Neckcar fans. My team was five outs away in 2003, but they couldn't shut the door against the Marlins. I'm not about to blame it on
some poor schmuck, because frankly, if Alex Gonzalez hadn't booted the soft grounder hit to him right after that incident,
people would remember the name 'Bartman' the same way those of us raised in the 80's originally did. In the face of adversity, the 2003 Cubs didn't have the heart of a champion. Hurts to admit it, but it's the truth. Almost as painful is that I live in Dallas, Texas, and have to hear all these fair-weather Astro fans (who were Ranger fans until September) run their holes, as if they actually care about anything other than how ugly the Cowboys have been winning right now.

Having said all that, how on earth could Brad Lidge throw that 'slider' to Albert Pujols last night? It wasn't even a slider, it was an 'er,' cuz it had no 'slide' to it at all. David Eckstein could've hit that pitch out, much less a world-class masher like Pujols, and with that whiffle-ball left-field, well .... let's just say that the ball Pujols hit still hasn't landed. If you watched the game last night, you probably noticed how amped up the crowd was at Enron Field ... until that underhand sausage was put on the plate by Houston's 'closer.' After that, it sounded like the entire city gasped. And of course, I couldn't stop laughing. Mainly because it's not my team getting owned (for a change).

Father, it's been two minutes since my last confession. I'm spiteful against the Astros because I took a weekend trip to Houston this summer to watch two Cubs/Astros games, and watched as my Cubs got pummelled both games. Yeah, yeah, I know the drill, cuz I've watched enough movies. Five Hail Marys, five Our Fathers. Got it.

P.S. Yes, I know it's technically called Minute Maid Park, but only Astros fans and sportscasters call it that. The rest of us remember. And yes, 'Pujols' is pronounced 'Poo-holes.'



huh huh huh huh huh huh

Monday, October 17, 2005

MEDIA PANDEMIC!!!!!



Readers of this page can tell you, I'm no fan of the news media. Many people despise the mainstream media to the point that it's almost become a hip cliche, paricularly among bloggers. However, I'm not one of those individuals who has the inflated sense of self-importance to believe that somehow what I'm doing here is better than what Anderson Cooper or Brit Hume does. The difference is that I don't have the responsibility to provide the correct information. The media does have this responsibility, but fails miserably in supporting it.

Example? Bird Flu. Every major mainstream media outlet has frontpage coverage of Bird Flu. MSNBC.com even has an entire subsection of the website dedicated to the latest information about Avian Influenza. A common theme in the media coveraage is the use of the word "pandemic" and headlines like "Dire outlook for bird flu." "No nation prepared for bird flu."

However, if you look at facts provided by the World Health Organization, it paints a stark contrast to what we're seeing in the media. Much like the SARS coverage from the last few years, the mainstream media has taken a health issue, and created unjustified paranoia. If you read the above link from WHO, you'll learn, among other things:
  • Avian Flu is common worldwide, and has been for years.
  • Avian Flu generally infects only birds and pigs.
  • A previous "outbreak" of Avian Flu occurred in Hong Kong in 1997 infected 18 people, and killed 6. Healthcare workers who cared for infected individuals did not have severe symptoms.
  • 60 people in Asia have died so far in this most recent "outbreak".

Nevermind that approximately 63,000 people die every year from People Flu. Forget the fact that worldwide, nearly 3.1 million people die from AIDS annually. The mainstream media wants you to be worried about Bird Flu. Or Shark Attacks. Or What Danger Lurks in Your Home. Think I'm just being a dick? Enter What Danger Lurks In Your Home into Google and browse through some of the 340,000 results that you get, and how many of them are news reports about things that probable are neither dangerous nor in your home.

The point is that Avian Flu, Shark Attacks, and Danger that Lurks in Your Home are worth worrying about. But, it's apparent from our little excercise that the media distorts the relative importance of these issues. I was going to make a bar graph comparing AIDS deaths to good old Human Flu deaths and Avian Flu deaths, but your computer screen is not large enough to get the scale right. The Avian Flu deaths would be the thickness of Dick Cheney's weiner and AIDs deaths would be the length of mine. Question what you read, see, and hear, even from this site, since you never know when I'll be pulling your leg.

Ask about it at work


This interesting news item grabbed my attention earlier today. Reader's Digest Version: Company (AFLAC) has strict moral conduct policy for employees. Employees engage in immoral behavior, as employees tend to do, at least in every job I've ever had. Wife of employee engaged in said behavior also company employee. Wife sues company for failing to uphold own moral policy after pictures of said immoral behavior circulate among fellow employees.

Call me a liberatarian, if you wish (I've been called worse), but what the hell is a company like AFLAC doing having a policy governing what their employees do outside of work? The whole business of circulating sex pictures of an affair through the place where both you and your wife are employed is obviously deplorable, if not sophmoric. The two idiots in question would likely get the boot in any employment situation, not just one with an annoying duck as their spokesperson and some policy that their employees must not engage in immoral behavior. You see, my friends, circulating sex pictures at work is sexual harassment, no matter how much you want your coworkers to see how well your girlfriend does the reverse cowgirl.

AFLAC is not the only company on the block who tries to hold their employees to higher moral standards. The problem with moral standards, particularly with vague policies like AFLAC's, which reads: associates not engage in "conduct involving moral turpitude, dishonesty, fraud, deceit (or) wilful misrepresentation." is that moral turpitude is not a standard concept. Such policies can be used against any employee who's lifestyle doesn't meet the company moral standard, whatever that may be. It could be used to discriminate against gays, transgendered people, and even midgets, since we all know how midgets have a penchant for immorality.

Employees don't need morality policies since any behavior that occurs on the job is likely governed by other policies created by lawyers and everybody's favorite department at work, human resources. Not only has AFLAC's case shown the uselessness of such policies, but they aren't even enforcing their own high moral standards. I've had a lot of jobs, and I've never been lucky enough to have pictures of two of my coworkers fornicating passed around the office.

I hope that AFLAC loses the case, stops trying to (ineffectively) regulate their employees behavior, and drops their ridiculously annoying ad campaign, which only increases the likelihood that I will eat a duck for Thanksgiving this year.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Vote for your Favorite Post of the Last Year

Believe it or not, this website is almost one year old. In celebration and recognition of the event, we will feature the top 3 posts from the past year. You have almost 150 to choose from at this point. Click on the Angry Archives on the sidebar to find your favorite. Then email me your choice for favorite post at ryanthenangrymidget@hotmail.com . The winner will be announced on our first birthday, November 4, 2005. We will also be naming the least favorite post, so if you have an opinion along those lines, feel free to share that with me via email as well.

Monday, October 10, 2005

Belated Welcome and Rants About PETA

Their love was strictly forbidden by state law...except in Arkansas, where this photo was taken.
Let me first take the time to welcome Mister Bling to the fray. He's been a constant contributor to the site from day one, and I figured I might as well add another perspective to the site. If you're interested in becoming a contributor, show us your skills in the comment section and you might find yourself writing here.
I have ranted about People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) for as long as I have been able to rant. With all the problems that we face in the world today with war, genocide, lack of healthcare for children, child abuse and the like, here is a group of people with screwed up priorities. An organization that wastes millions of dollars every year trying to keep me and other Americans from using their canines.
On Friday, something happened that was completely unexpected and hilarious. I have meetings on Friday, so I almost always have to grab a quick lunch. On Friday, I chose Kentucky Fried Chicken. They have these new flavors of sauce for their wings that are all out of sight. Two very saucy thumbs up, but I digress.
Pulling into the drive through at KFC, I was cutoff by an asshole in a Ford Explorer, who was in such a hurry, one had to wonder if he had diarrhea or something. As I sat in the drive thru waiting for my order, the guy hops out of his Explorer, and is wearing a chicken suit. I think "Wow, KFC has a really great idea for getting people's attention."
I continue through the drive thru and pick up my order. As I wait for the attendant to get my change, I notice a group of people at the front of the drive thru holding signs that say www.kentuckyfriedcruelty.com with pictures of dead chickens on them. This is the point where I KNOW that this is not a marketing campaign for KFC. I also see the guy from the SUV sitting in a wheelchair, portraying what I can only imagine is an injured chicken. I start thinking about how the chicken I'm about to eat will NOT need a wheelchair when I'm done with them.
As I start down the drive thru, a million thoughts cross my mind: 1) Yell 2) Throw your wings 3) Point out that thousands of animals are killed when you harvest soy beans to make tofu. I'm obviously nervous, and as I approach the end of the drive thru, a women descends on my car with a sign bearing the image of a dead chicken that says "Chicken is Murder".
Do I say something witty or offensive? Nope. All I can muster as she tries to hand me a pamphlet is "Chicken is good." In my moment of truth, face to face with those I despise, the best thing I can come up with is "Chicken is good"? Needless to say, I wanted to go back through the drive thru again, and replay the encounter, but it would have lost it's punch, so to speak. Next time, however, I will be prepared.


Thursday, October 06, 2005

Know your audience!



Before I begin, I wanted to say 'hello' to all of you who visit this site. You may have seen my name in the comment board once in a while. As it turns out, the Angry Midget got tired of my posting there, and tried to ban me from his blog. However, he did not know that I have 1337 Haxxor skills, and cracked the 15,809 bit encryption on his page, so I now can post entire topics here (Cue evil laugh ... muwhahahahaha)! When I feel like ranting, I'm going to hack in and post, and there's nothing Ryan or any of his angry midget pirate army can do about it!

So for my first rant, I want to talk about the woman who got kicked off of a Southwest flight for wearing a t-shirt with a picture of Bush and Cheney on it that said 'Meet the Fuckers.' Message boards are already lighting up about this, but for political reasons, like, "Southwest are a bunch of fascists!" Folks, let's get something straight. This was not done for political reasons. Take the picture of the president and the vice president off of it, and it's just a t-shirt with a swear word. If you're going to go into a public place wearing a shirt with an obscenity on it, you're running the risk of being kicked out of that place. That's a pretty basic fact, but apparently that woman was sick the day they taught common sense in school.

When I was at the Sounds of the Underground tour earlier this summer, a kid who didn't look old enough to vote had the very same shirt on. But since 90 percent of the bands who performed at that festival use swear words in their songs, I'm sure no one cared. The moral of the story? Know your audience. Sounds like common sense, right? Here's another piece of free common sense advice: don't wear a racist shirt to school, especially if people of other races go there. In fact, don't wear the shirt at all, unless you're in a big hurry to get your ass kicked.

Now, having said that, I feel like I have to come clean about something. I like death metal. A lot. Ask the Angry Midget. Most of the music in my collection is even angrier than he is. But some of it is very lyrically positive as well. Some of the bands I like are (GASP!) Christian. Personally, believe what you want. I don't care what you believe, and I'd appreciate it if you didn't bother yourself with what I believe. As long as your music rocks, the lyrics mean very little. But for the sake of full disclosure, I'll share a moment from my life with you. I went to a concert last year where a few Christian metal bands performed, and I wore THIS shirt:


I didn't get kicked out of the venue. In fact, I got major props from a guy there. Granted, he was wearing a Slayer shirt, but that counts, right?

If I wore this shirt on a plane flight, I might get a dirty look or two, but no one could kick me off the plane without getting a call from my lawyer twenty minutes later. I'd have to flip a coin to decide which Constitutional Amendment I wanted to invoke. Technically, there's nothing offensive about the shirt. Don't believe me? If you took it to the MPAA, they'd give it a PG rating. But the main reason I wore it? I like fucking with people, especially if I know they're not going to do anything about it. Unlike our current president, most Christians believe in that whole 'turn the other cheek' thing (even the metalheads), so I wasn't expecting anyone to approach me about it (and I was right, no one did). And even if they did, I'd just take a page from Bill Hicks's book, and say, "Well, you're a Christian. Forgive me." Works every time.

Know your audience.

Monday, October 03, 2005

Who is this frightening old woman?

The reason pillowcases were invented.
President Bush named his choice to fill Sandra Day O'Connor's vacancy on the Supreme Court this morning, long-time advisor and legal council Harriet Miers. Because little is known about Miers and she has no judicial record, having never been a judge, the only thing that's a certainty at this point is that Ruth Bader Ginsburg will be the most physically attractive woman on the Supreme Court, once again edging out Justices Scalia and Thomas.
The amount of sheer speculation surrounding Miers in the media is incredible. Bush may have selected her simply because she has no judicial record by which to be evaluated. From a strategic and political standpoint, however, Bush could have nominated William Bennett, even after last week's comments, and probably gotten him confirmed by the Republican Congress.
Miers may eventually turn out to be an under the radar conservative voice that Bush needs to swing the Supreme Court. The problem with that thinking is that Bush didn't have to do that. Republicans control Congress by enough votes that Bush could have nominated someone with an incredibly conservative judicial record and unless they rape and murder babies in their spare time, they could probably get confirmed.
One good sign is that some conservative Congressmen and right-wing groups are already voicing their concern regarding Miers' nomination. These groups and individuals, however, may just be searching for assurances that Bush's nominee would consider overturning Roe v. Wade.
I doubt seriously that President Bush would nominate someone to the Supreme Court who was Pro-Choice and not completely conservative. The lack of information on Miers may be exactly what the President wants in a nominee, because less ammunition exists to be used during the confirmation hearings. Stay tuned in the coming days to see what we new details we learn about Miss Miers.

Friday, September 30, 2005

William Bennett is NUTS

As you've probably gathered over the past year, President Bush and I don't agree on many things. I wonder sometimes if there are things outside of politics, such as flavors of BBQ Sauce or favorite brands of beer, where old W and I might find common ground. Perhaps Bush also enjoyed the movie Billy Madison, as I did. One particular news item this week, gave me particular hope that the President and I might actually agree on something related to politics.

That something is our judgement of comments made by former Secretary of Education and Virtue Guru William Bennett. I have included as much of his comments as I can find below, so that we don't get accused of taking Bennett's interesting perspective out of context (article):
“But I do know that it’s true that if you wanted to reduce crime, you could, if
that were your sole purpose, you could abort every black baby in this country,
and your crime rate would go down,” said Bennett, author of “The Book of
Virtues.” He went on to call that “an impossible, ridiculous and morally
reprehensible thing to do, but your crime rate would go down. So these far-out,
these far-reaching, extensive extrapolations are, I think, tricky.”
Bennett later said that his comments were taken out of context because he was not actually suggesting that all black women be forced to have abortions in order to lower the crime rate in this country because that would be immoral. No kidding?

The problem with Bennett's comments is not that I believe he was ACTUALLY suggesting mandatory abortions for all blacks as a policy. Not that such a position coming from him would surprise me. Rather, the problem with Bennett's comment is that it implies a favorite thesis of conservative morons that somehow black people are to blame for the crime problem in this country.

It's far too deep a topic to discuss in this format, but if you're interested in a well-written paper on the subject check out this paper, which discusses the differences in incaceration rates between whites, blacks and hispanics, and how those should not be used as measures of actual crime, as they often are in the mainstream media. Rather, the fact that poor and minority individuals often can't afford legal representation or don't understand the legal system might have more to do with who is in jail than who pulls the trigger more often.

Where Bush and I agree is that Bennett's comments are ridiculous. It's a little scary that it had to come to something this extreme for us to see eye to eye, but I'm glad that the President isn't so loyal to his former cronies that he would try to defend Bennett's statements. I was afraid he might try.

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Without DeLay

Way back in April, you may recall a discussion on this very website about GOP House Majority Leader Tom DeLay and an impending investigation into the legality of campaign contributions that his Political Action Committee received from corporations. In Texas, it against the law for political candidates to receive money from corporations. DeLay and other GOP members in Texas took money from corporations in order to pay for their political campaigns. Seems pretty clear cut to me...

Finally this week, DeLay was indicted for his role. The GOP response has been interesting. First, the GOP responded angrily calling it a political game. DeLay himself categorically denied any wrongdoing. After all, the Prosecutor in Texas, Ronnie Earle, who is bringing the indictment against DeLay is a DEMOCRAT, which apparently disqualifies him from prosecuting criminals like DeLay, who don't share his political views.

While only time will tell about the outcome of DeLay's indictment, some interesting events have already transpired. Republicans have started to return money that was received from DeLay's PAC. Boy, isn't that interesting behavior from a group who apparently doesn't believe the charges levelled against their leader? If Republicans are giving back money, chances are they are doing so only to avoid indictments themselves. After all, if the money was obtained within the law, why give it back? The only thing Republicans love more than keeping abortion legal to be used as a political tool is money, so this is a pretty significant sign of what we're dealing with here.

DeLay's court date is set for three weeks from now. He should have plenty of time to prepare, since he's stepped down as House Majority Leader.

If you want a litmus test for your friends who are Republicans, to see if they are good people who happen to have different beliefs than you or crazy assholes who would defend President Bush if he ate a Jewish baby, see how they react when DeLay is convicted. If they admit what he did was wrong, you know you're dealing with a reasonable individual, despite their unenlightened view of politics. If they're still defending him after he's convicted, suggest that they seek professional help to get Bush's cock removed from their ass.

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

The Blame Game

I have to say that it's been quite entertaining to hear some of the crap that comes out of the mouth of ex-FEMA cheif Michael Brown since the debacle that was his agency's handling of Hurricane Katrina and the aftermath. If you recall, Brown initially blamed the poor and disabled people of New Orleans for not jumping in their cars and fleeing the city after a mandatory evacuation order was placed before Katrina made landfall. It was at that point that I realized how much of an asshole this guy really is.

Today's Congressional Hearing offerred an opportunity for some other wonderful quotes from Brown, and some downright awesome exchanges between Brown and members of the comittee:

"And while my heart goes out to people on fixed incomes, it is primarily a state and local responsibility. And in my opinion, it's the responsibility of faith-based organizations, of churches and charities and others to help those people." _ Michael Brown, former FEMA director.

While there is no doubt that churches and faith-based organizations have provided more than FEMA did in the wake of Hurricanes Katrina and Rita, that is a FRIGHTENING quote from a guy whose job it is to coordinate federal management efforts after natural disasters. Would he suggest that churches should have gotten together and put out the fires and rounded up the terrorists after the World Trade Center bombings? Given the number of people without food, clothing and shelter in the aftermath of Katrina, churches and faith-based organizations are obviously not equipped to handle this sort of thing without additional support.

In the words of Rep. Gene Taylor, D-Miss:
"What part of the FEMA plan envisioned that the first responders in Hancock County and much of the Mississippi Gulf Coast would have to loot the local grocery store and loot the local Wal-Mart in order to feed themselves, would have to loot the local Wal-Mart in order to have a change of clothes?"

The irony behind all of this is that one the same page discussing the hearings on Capitol Hill there are still thousands of people affected by Hurricane Rita who don't have access to basis services. Wasn't our response supposed to be better this time? I guess we're too busy trying to figure out who to blame to fix anything. While the President rides around the country burning jet fuel and reminding all of us to conserve gas, I guess anything is possible.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Why I am tired of Fiscal/Economic Conservatives

The President's less than stellar job approval rating among Americans has provided an opportunity for me to have some pretty interesting discussions lately about the President. Recall that I live in the conservative homeland that is Nebraska. While it's not as far gone as say Utah or Wyoming, Nebraska isn't exactly a haven for progressive individuals like myself. The one benefit is that I have plenty of crap to write about on this website.

With the President's job approval rating so low, it means that it can't just be the usual Bush-haters that don't approve of his abysmal policies and wait and see approach to hurricane relief. Even conservative die-hards are starting to voice their dissent. In a bar last night, I encountered one such individual, a self-proclaimed fiscal/economic conservative and social "moderate". Aside from a difficulty setting on Mortal Kombat 3 for Sega Genesis, I have no idea what moderate means. I think maybe it means "I am a conservative who wants to be perceived as compassionate."

This individual complained that he is unhappy with President Bush, despite supporting him less than a year ago in the election of 2004. Why? His continued ignorance regarding the reality of how long we will have troops in Iraq? Nope. The bungled response to Hurriance Katrina? Keep guessing, this list could keep going for a while. This guy is unhappy with Bush because of his out of control government spending.

This is not an uncommon sentiment among "true" conservatives. By "true" I mean those of you who would sell your first-born child for an unchecked free market economy or the elimination of the estate tax. I think it's hilarious Bush is even allowed to consider himself a conservative, given the fact that he still hasn't outlawed abortion or controlled spending, despite the fact that it's been well within his power to do so. The best part about this is that conservatives have no one to blame but themselves.

You can't blame to Democrats in Congress, since they would need the Republicans there to vote through any spending packages. Bush has yet to veto any spending packages that have crossed his desk in 5 years. Could it be that all the conservatives out there who thought they were voting for a true conservative were duped?

The scariest part is that these fiscal conservative assholes had to wait through thousands of innocent people being killed in Iraq, before they finally got upset about Bush's out of control budgetary policies. What's even worse is that there are still some people out there who think Bush is doing a great job. How self-righteous does a person have to be for them not to be able to admit how horrible this guy has done as our President? Is it that important to be right that you're willing to put your own righteousness ahead of the well-being of fellow American citizens?

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Hurricane Katrina

I think it's a huge mistake to play political games with a national tragedy like Hurricane Katrina. However, in a situation where federal policies and the response of federal agencies was so inadequate that people's lives were lost as a result of that incompentance, something needs to be said. Molly Ivins said it much better than I could have in the Chicago Tribune:

Molly Ivins: 'Why New Orleans is in deep water'

AUSTIN, Texas -- Like many of you who love New Orleans, I find myself taking short mental walks there today, turning a familiar corner, glimpsing a favorite scene, square or vista. And orrying about the beloved friends and the city, and how they are now.

To use a fine Southern word, it's tacky to start playing the blame game before the dead are even counted. It is not too soon, however, to make a point that needs to be hammered home again and again, and that is that government policies have real consequences in people's lives.

This is not "just politics" or blaming for political advantage. This is about the real consequences of what governments do and do not do about their responsibilities. And about who winds up paying the price for those policies.

This is a column for everyone in the path of Hurricane Katrina who ever said, "I'm sorry, I'm just not interested in politics," or, "There'snothing I can do about it," or, "Eh, they're all crooks anyway."

Nothing to do with me, nothing to do with my life, nothing I can do about any of it. Look around you this morning. I suppose the National Rifle Association would argue, "Government policies don't kill people, hurricanes kill people." Actually, hurricanes plus government policies kill people. One of the main reasons New Orleans is so vulnerable to hurricanes is the gradual isappearance of the wetlands on the Gulf Coast that once stood as a natural buffer between the city and torms coming in from the water. The disappearance of those wetlands does not have the name ofa political party or a particular administration attached to it. No one wants to play, "The Democrats did it," or, "It's all Reagan's fault." Many environmentalists will tell you more than a century's interference with the natural flow of the Mississippi is the root cause of the problem, cutting off the movement of alluvial soil to the river's delta.

But in addition to long-range consequences of long-term policies like letting the Corps of engineers try to build a better river than God, there are real short-term consequences, as well. It is a fact that the Clinton administration set some tough policies on wetlands, and it is a fact that the Bush administration repealed those policies--ordering federal agencies to stop protecting as many as 20 million acres of wetlands.

Last year, four environmental groups cooperated on a joint report showing the Bush Administration's policies had allowed developers to drain thousands of acres of wetlands.

Does this mean we should blame President Bush for the fact that New Orleans is underwater? No, but it means we can blame Bush when a Category 3 or Category 2 hurricane puts New Orleans under. At this point, it is a matter of making a bad situation worse, of failing to observethe First Rule of Holes (when you're in one, stop digging).

Had a storm the size of Katrina just had the grace to hold off for a while, it's quite likely no one would even remember what the Bush administration did two months ago. The national press corps has the attention span of a gnat, and trying to get anyone in Washington to remember longer than a year ago is like asking them what happened in Iznik, Turkey, in A.D. 325.

Just plain political bad luck that, in June, Bush took his little ax and chopped $71.2 million from the budget of the New Orleans Corps of Engineers, a 44 percent reduction. As was reported in New Orleans CityBusiness at the time, that meant "major hurricane and flood projects will not be awarded to local engineering firms. Also, a study to determine ways to protect the region from a Category 5 hurricane has been shelved for now."

The commander of the corps' New Orleans district also immediately instituted a hiring freeze and canceled the annual corps picnic. Our friends at the Center for American Progress note the Office of Technology Assessment used to produce forward-thinking plans such as "Floods: A National Policy Concern" and "A Framework for Flood Hazards Management." Unfortunately, the office was targeted by Newt Gingrich and the Republican right, and gutted years ago.

In fact, there is now a governmentwide movement away from basing policy on science, expertise and professionalism, and in favor of choices based on ideology. If you're wondering what the ideological position on flood management might be, look at the pictures of New Orleans--it seems to consist of gutting the programs that do anything.

Unfortunately, the war in Iraq is directly related to the devastation left by the hurricane. About 35 percent of Louisiana's National Guard is now serving in Iraq, where four out of every 10 soldiers are guardsmen.

Recruiting for the Guard is also down significantly because people are afraid of being sent to Iraq if they join, leaving the Guard even more short-handed.

The Louisiana National Guard also notes that dozens of its high-water vehicles, Humvees, refuelers and generators have also been sent abroad. (I hate to be picky, but why do they need high-water vehicles in Iraq?)

This, in turn, goes back to the original policy decision to go into Iraq without enough soldiers and the subsequent failure to admit that mistake and to rectify it by instituting a draft.

The levees of New Orleans, two of which are now broken and flooding the city, were also victims of Iraq war spending. Walter Maestri, emergencymanagement chief for Jefferson Parish, said on June 8, 2004, "It appears that the money has been moved in the president's budget to handle homeland security and the war in Iraq."

This, friends, is why we need to pay attention to government policies, not political personalities, and to know whereon we vote. It is about our lives.

Monday, September 05, 2005

How time flies....

I have to apologize for not posting for almost 3 weeks. A lot of interesting crap has happened since that last angry post about VD. Here are a sampling of email that I have received:

"Did you die in Hurricane Katrina?"

No. I live in Nebraska. If I did die in Hurricane Katrina, would sending me an email tell you anything?

"I am glad to see you've finally stopped posting crap on this page. You must have gotten the message that people don't like to read crap. I bet you got sick of having like 2 hits a week. Blogs suck, and yours sucks hardest of all."

You wish, dicklicker. I'm back with a vengence. I made it very clear in the beginning that if I didn't have something to write, I wouldn't waste your time. Time is something I haven't had a lot of lately, but things are starting to settle down. If my site sucks, don't read it. For the amount of time it took you to write that email, you could have donated money to the Red Cross, mentored a child, or jerked off a donkey. This site may suck, but the fact that you're reading it says more about you than it does about me.

"I'm surprised that you haven't posted anything on Hurricane Katrina. The feds are fucking this up badly. People are starving to death. Doesn't that piss you off enough to write SOMETHING?"

The situation with the Hurricane was simple. I was feeling like complete shit about it in the first place. I have friends in New Orleans, who are thankfully safe, but I have to say that I was really disgusted with the media coverage of the whole thing. Except Robert Siegel of National Public Radio, who took Secretary of Homeland Security Direction Chertoff to task about the lack of federal response on air. If everyone had been like Robert Siegel, the government might have felt compelled to do something aside from fly over the scene in Air Force One.

"I usually check your site once or twice a week to see what has been written, but lately you've been MIA? Is this the end for the Angry Midget?"

No. As long as people continue to read this and I have something to write about, it will continue. Once people stop reading it or I start to sound like a broken record, that's when it ends. Plain and simple. Let's not read too much into this. I would much rather spend time writing profanity and talking about pirates, than I would analyzing how often I post to this damned site.

Thanks for your concern, and for continuing to write when you think I may have been swallowed by a Hurricane or sold to a Latvian Circus. Happy Labor Day.

Thursday, August 11, 2005

So, I'm just looking on the internet for news, minding my own business, when...

Have you considered HERPES, you dirty skank?
Maybe sleeping with half of the men's rugby team at your local college or university was a bad idea after all. If the purpose of advertising is to grab a person's attention, the folks at Novartis Pharmaceuticals have that shit down. Exhibit A is the internet banner ad listed above that links to this site with information about everybody's favorite incurable STD, genital herpes.
For a while, GlaxoSmithKline, the makers of popular crowd-pleaser and herpes destroyer Valtrex were banking their ad campaign on the idea that people with Herpes can go wind surfing, mountain bike in the Mojave desert, paint a picture in a meadow in soft focus, and do all the things the rest of us who aren't spreading our legs for every hobo with a $5 bill do every day.
Novartis has obviously taken a different approach aimed at people who don't know that they contracted an incurable STD during that one-night stand with the lead singer from that Whitesnake cover band that played at their local tavern. I guess I am surprised that this segment of the population actually exists. I guess I look at my neck, where I frequently get razor burn, and I don't understand how you can confuse razor burn with Alabama Crotch Rot. Unless you're shaving every inch of your genitalia, which introduces a whole different set of problems entirely, you have no excuse for thinking that your itchy rash is due to shaving.
Next, I suppose that the makers of antibiotics that are used to treat syphillis and gonorrhea will have ads featuring a guy saying "I thought the firewater coming out of my dick was from all the orange juice I've been drinking. But now I'm not so sure. What else could it be?"

Monday, August 08, 2005

Thank God for the Energy Bill

Gas prices continue to flirt with record high levels again today. Some people are blaming the President for this, which is one way you could look at it. I won't argue with the fact that the President has done very little in terms of a real Energy Policy, unless you include felating the petroleum industry a policy. If giving out blow jobs to oil execs with an ice cube in your mouth is a policy, that makes foreign policy a whole hell of a lot more interesting and just about completely explains Condoleeza Rice.

But do you know who is really to blame for high gas prices, aside from the President? You and me. Americans. The reason gas companies are charging $2.30 for an average gallon of gas is not just because they're a bunch of greedy assholes, but also because we will pay it. If people stopped driving their cars or could not afford to, gas prices would decrease. We need to own up to this, because, pardon my English, Bush ain't gonna do shit about record high gas prices and record high profits for his buddies in the oil industry. You need to stop watching so many episodes of the Care Bears, if you think differently.

Thursday, August 04, 2005

'Cause I'm A LIAR!

Future Stars of Perjury Collectors Card
What's that called, when you lie under oath to Congress about abusing steroids? Perjury, which is what is often described in the legal professional as illegal. I was surprised that Congress took a break from their vacation to address such an important issue. After all, 10 millions children have absent or inadequate health care coverage, US Soldiers are being killed for the future of Iraqi democracy, and Congress needs to spend time evaluating whether or not Palmeiro lied about taking steroids when he said "I did not take steroids, period." and then tested positive?
It doesn't take Deputy fucking Dog to crack this case. I'm not sure what a less ambiguous situation for perjury would be, aside from Canseco actually injecting Palmeiro in his ass while testifying in front of Congress that he's didn't use steroids.
Palmeiro is a liar and a cheat. If we put him the Baseball Hall of Fame, his statue should have a needle sticking out of its ass. How stupid is this guy? Baseball implements a new, albeit inadequate, steroid policy. You testify in front of Congress and it's covered live by ESPN. The next logical move is NOT to continue to use steroids. Seems like maybe a good time to take a break from that crap, eh? Not if you're the smartest man in baseball, I guess.

Friday, July 29, 2005

Guns 'N Ammo

Congress, you read this, is considering legislation that would prevent victims of gun violence from sueing gun manufacturers by granting the gun manufacturing industry liability protection. Surprisingly, this has become a bipartisan effort in the Senate, where even Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) is supporting the measure.

Let me make very clear that I am not a proponent of gun control. I have yet to come across a single suggested gun control policy that I feel would curb gun violence. Gun control advocates, in my opinion, have an incredibly simplistic view of the factors that lead to gun violence. Licensing guns, trigger locks, banning certain models of guns don't really solve the problem. Many guns are obtained through theft or illegal means, making any legislation difficult. If we've learned anything in our country's history, please let it be that banning things is never a good idea be it pornography, drugs, alcohol, or guns.

However, there is no safe middle ground in this debate. For on the other side of the issue, you have the National Rifle Association, probably the craziest of the powerful political lobbyists outside of the Right to Life folks who kill abortion doctors. With statements like "From my cold, dead hand" the NRA has managed to eliminate any hope of support from reasonable people.

The NRA views every legislative issue as a slippery slope, which is the "See Dick Run" of logical discourse. If you support the NRA, you seriously should consider steralization or at least surrendering your right to vote because you're either a complete moron or so incredibly self-absorbed that your political agenda continues to paint regular gun owners as a bunch a hillbilly mental ward patients.

The most depressing thing about S. 397 is that it creates a precedent where a manufacturer has no liability for the product they produce. Big tobacco tried this too. Because gun manufacturers are the origin of all these weapons, they are our only hope for progressive solutions to this problem. Giving them a free pass to avoid lawsuits, also provides no motivation or incentive for the gun manufacturers to self-regulate the products that they produce. Write your state Senator using the link in the right column, and share your opinion on this issue.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

I'm PROUD to be in Nebraska!

That big building right over there is where pedophiles hang out.
If this story isn't national news by tomorrow, it will be the best thing ever to happen to Nebraska. It's hard enough living in the Cornhusker state. It's not THAT bad of a place to live. It's definitely not as bad as Utah, and so much better than either of the Dakotas.
And yet, some hillbilly has to go down to Kansas and marry a 13 year-old (whom he got pregnant). We're never going to live it down. EVER. We'll always be remembered as that state where 12 year-olds who got married in Kansas go after the fact to mate.

Monday, July 25, 2005

A thought for the day.....

No Oprah is Harpoon spelled backwards.

Monday, July 18, 2005

Scientology is a Cult

A few weeks ago, Tom Cruise sparked an instantaneous controversy while being interviewed by Matt Lauer. We've all known for a long time that Tom Cruise is about Scientology like Fiddler on the Roof is about Jews. In that interview with Lauer, Cruise made some controversial comments about post-partum depression, psychiatry, which he is assuredly quite familiar with, and the use of medication to treat chemical imbalances that lead to mental illness.

As far as Cruise's comments go, I can't say I give half a crap what the guy who starred in Top Gun thinks about the treatment of mental health problems. It's like asking Carrot Top for a neurology consultation. If people take him seriously, they're morons for not recognizing that having your ex-wife play a doctor in a NASCAR movie doesn't qualify you to provide medical advice.

Which brings me to this weekend. I was having a discussion with a group of people about Tom Cruise, some of whom were very upset at his comments, but one in particular was defending him. So, I made essentially the same statement of indifference that I did above, without the clever Carrot Top analogy. What followed was one of the most troubling discussions about religion that I have ever had.

The person who defended Tom Cruise, it turns out, was actually a Scientologist. I didn't know there were Scientologists in Omaha, NE. They must be meeting in someone's basement, because if you use the Church of Scientology Cult Locator on their website, there isn't one within 100 miles of Omaha, NE. Omaha is looking pretty good now isn't it?

In general, I try to keep an open mind about other people's religions, because generally, I learn something new as a result of that strategy. For example, I learned that Mormons believe that Jews, Africans and other people with dark skin are "bad souls", and thus, received a darker coloration from God. The Scientologist refused to have a civilized discussion, and hence, I learned very little.

I don't have a problem with anybody's religious beliefs. There are some religions that believe that people can rise from the dead, Jesus in particular, which I don't think is any more contentious than what Scientologists believe. If you're actually interested in what Scientologists believe and you don't want to buy the book you can get more info here.

My problem with Scientology is that it's essentially a racket. In order to be a good little Scientologist, you have to go to special Scientology psychotherapy, which they call auditing. Cost estimates vary considerably, but in order to get beyond peon status, you must spent between $300,000 and $500,000 on this auditing stuff. It makes it a great religion for Hollywood-types, since they can buy salvation, while still making statements like women who suffer from post-partum depression "need to get out and exercise."

I haven't seen War of the Worlds, but the last movie that I saw where Tom Cruise was worth a shit was Minority Report. Since then, regardless of his religious beliefs, he's really started to go downhill as an actor, but that's just my opinion. This latest case of verbal diarrhea was brilliant self-promotion and idiotic all at the same time.

Any religion that requires it's participants to pay for services connected with salvation, whether it's Scientology or Christianity, should be questioned. Support your church in any way and to whatever degree you wish, but if there are fees that are required for your participation, you're being had.