Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Paging Uwe Boll .... Uwe Boll ... you have a telephone call at the front desk...

Yeah, it's a shitty MS Paint picture. E-mail me with donations so I can buy Photoshop, and the next one will be better.
It hasn't been long since my last post, so I'll be brief with this one. I saw the film 'Doom' at a press screening last night. The Mister Bling capsule review? Piece of shit. It wasn't even 'funny-bad,' it was 'boring-bad,' which is the worst kind of 'bad' there is. Extremely low-budget, the Rock was under-utilized, and there's hardly any gore in it. They go through all the usual action movie cliches, including my personal favorite, when the good guy and the bad guy put down their guns and fist-fight to the death (never mind that the Doom game is a first-person shooter, not a first-person puncher). And speaking of first-person perspectives, the film has about three minutes towards the end where it mimics the video game. Only problem with this is, it had multiple edits, so it didn't look like the video game. How hard would it have been to make it in one take? It was all CGI anyway. This hack director (whose previous masterpieces were Cradle 2 the Grave and Exit Wounds) couldn't even get that right.

I sat next to a newspaper critic in the screening. He mainly writes video game reviews, so I can't wait until Friday to see what he thought. Then again, he didn't take a single note during the entire film, so I'm guessing he'll agree with my take. The rest of the crowd seemed to.

It's not even worth a rental. Uwe Boll might have made a better film. And WOW, did it hurt me to type that.

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