Saturday, November 03, 2007

Sportsfan Hell

As CowboyLaw so delicately pointed out, the month of October was perhaps the worst month of my life as a sports fan. Let me summarize:


Let me start with the least painful. I am not a big fan of MLB. You will not be surprised that I like $1 beer night (Thirsty Thursday, for those of you in Omaha) for the AAA Omaha Royals. If you can imagine how bad the MLB Royals are, the Omaha Royals are their minor league team and equally shitty at all things baseball. But, the games are fun or at least an excuse to drink $1 Miller High Life in cans. I was cheering for the Rockies because 1) I used to live in Colorado and 2) I hate the Red Sox. Do I need to elaborate on why the World Series was not enjoyable for me? For the record, Boston sports teams can lick my asshole roughly 12 hours after I eat Indian food. People, like CowboyLaw, who cheer for Boston sports teams having never lived there, can take sloppy seconds.


My Broncos are having a very very mediocre year. We get crushed by the Colts and San Diego, and then turn around and dominate the Steelers. The Broncos schedule is very soft, including 2 games against CowboyLaw's KC Chiefs (another team he cheers for in a city/state where he's never lived). The only thing worse than losing a World Series to Boston is getting beat by the Packers and their painkiller poppin' QB. We could lose every other game this season, but if we can beat the Cheats. It would make being a Bronco fan worth living. Stay tuned.



And now, the really bad news. Going into October, the Nebraska Cornhuskers were 4-1, the only loss to Southern California with one of the top rated recruiting classes in the country. Not to say that September was all puppy dogs and ice cream. We nearly lost to Testicle, I mean Ball State and Wake Forest. The signs were there, but at 4-1, who cares right? October brought not only 4 straight losses, but 3 complete ass-whoopings. Nebraska will be incredibly lucky to win another game this season. We fired our Athletic Director, and it looks like our coaching staff (along with some of their top recruits) will be gone the day after Thanksgiving.

Needless to say, I stick with my teams. The downside to this approach to being a sports fan, is that you have periods of time (like my entire childhood as a Bronco fan and as a Wyoming Cowboys fan) where your teams can't win the big one. Being a fairweather fan like Cowboylaw has the advantage of being able to drop your team like a stolen car with a dead hooker in the trunk if they don't win the Super Bowl. The disadvantage, of course, is that people like me will always be there to remind them that they didn't always like the Red Sux or that the KC Chiefs will never win a Super Bowl while we are alive.

These are dark times for my teams, but the best thing about sports is that there's always next season, and Nebraska will have a new coach, the Broncos will have a great first round draft pick, and the Rockies will have the experience that only a first rate ass kicking can give you.

9 comments:

mdfarmer said...

Ryno,

I witnessed Big Red's 76-39 bitch slapping in person today.

I'm surprised Dr. Tom even allowed Callahan on the bus.

SEVENTY. SIX. POINTS.

Lord Bling said...

Looks like the Jayhawks left a Hot Carl on Nebraska's chest...

Ryan the Angry Midget said...

That's actually making it sound a little sexier than it was. MOST POINTS EVER. 11 TDs in ONE game.

Miles. said...

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/6cf8571b8e

CowboyLaw said...

Now, in my defense, I'm no fairweather fan. Contemplate the championship history in the last 20 years of my favorite teams in various sports: the Chiefs, the Celtics, the Twins, and the St. Louis Blues. Not a lot of winning going on there (in fact, the Twins look like absolute superstars in this company), but I'm still a fan. I will jump on the bandwagon of any team playing the Yankees or the Lakers. That has less to do with being a fan of some particular team, and more to do with hating NY and LA.

Lord Bling said...

Your Celts should be looking nice this season though.

Ryan the Angry Midget said...

And in CowboyLaw's defense, he has been a Celtic fan since back in the day. He's like the only person outside of Boston who actually remembers what happened with Len Bias -
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Len_Bias
He still cries himself to sleep at night sometimes about it.

CowboyLaw said...

Goddamn Len Bias! We traded Danny Ainge (to the Suns) to get his dead ass! Danny Ainge may actually be the best 6th man in history. Thankfully, Danny didn't take it personally.

This year is make-or-break for the Celts. We are either going to be awesome, or there will be no team chemistry, and we will suck big time. No in between.

Lord Bling said...

I remember Len Bias.

'Cocaine's a hell of a drug.'