Monday, November 26, 2007

Trapped in Wyoming

That banner may say 'I Fly Casper,' but right now, I ain't flyin' shit. My trip home got cancelled due to 'maintenance issues'.

One United employee actually said, 'The plane's broke.' Needless to say, I've had my fill of local 'flavor'. But hey, the Casper airport has free Wi-Fi, which is more than I can say for Minneapolis, and it moves really fast, which is more than I can say for Denver. Then again, I'm one of only three people using the Wi-Fi here right now, so that might be the main reason why it's hauling so much ass.

Hmmmm. Now that I think about it, there IS some local flavor that I like. 90 Schilling would be one of them. I can't get it down in Texas, unless I order it from Arctic Liquor. They do a great job, by the way, so if you're looking for a certain kind of beer that you can't get wherever you live, try that site.

The other local flavor I like here is Taco Motherfucking John's.

The only places in Texas that have them are Air Force bases, and the closest one to me is two hours away. I like Taco John's a lot, but not THAT much. I got to have it for lunch today, so that was nice. Potato Oles are the greatest side in the history of fast-food. In fact, they're so great, you can even make a full meal out of them. I just learned that an order of Super Potato Oles has over 1000 calories, and over 60 grams of fat. Mmmmm. Fat.

So yeah, I'm trapped in Casper. I get to spend another day with my dad, which is cool, but otherwise, I'm pretty much ready to go home. I have a lot of virtual homocide that I'm missing out on right now:

By the way, major props to Warm Machine for keeping an eye on my cats for an extra night.

Saturday, November 24, 2007

Wii are the Champions

I have a funny story to share with you about an experience I had yesterday. As we all know, yesterday was the most evil shopping day of the year. My car needed new tires badly, and Sears had tires on sale. I got off work at 6:30 am and went to Sears, at which point they told me it would be 6 HOURS to get new tires on my car. My wife is out of town, and I don't have any friends who are awake that early to give me a ride, so I decided to browse around some of the stores nearby.

At around 6:55 am, I ended up outside my local EB Games store. While the lines at Best Buy, Target and other stores were miles long, there were five people waiting in line at EB Games. I looked at the sign on the door, and they were scheduled to open at 7 am. So I got in line, thinking that I would check out what they had. I was only in line for a few seconds when I realized why all these people were in line: this store had Nintendo Wii for sale. I was the 6th person in line, but I didn't know how many they would actually have in stock.

When the store opened, the manager announced that they had 10 Nintendo Wii consoles. I knew what I had to do. So for the actual retail price of $249, I purchased a Nintendo Wii, not realizing until later why this was a big deal. Soon after my purchase, I was informed that I had ruined Christmas for every single child in Omaha. Why? Because I purchased a Wii on a whim without any special planning or effort. Some poor child will wake up on Christmas morning without a Wii, while I probably didn't even appreciate what I had.

To anyone who has children, I have a simple message for you: eat shit if you think for one minute that I feel bad about my purchase. Maybe you should be teaching your kids something more than rampant consumeristic greed? Maybe if their parents weren't such whores for capitalism, they'd understand that Christmas isn't about how much crap you get, but family and peace, and all that other shit that the Bush Administration makes it easy to forget.

I am thoroughly enjoying playing with my Wii. And guilt is not part of the equation.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Back to Wyoming

I'm heading back to Wyoming for Thanksgiving weekend .... I don't suppose any of you will be around? If so, post in the comments section.

P.S. The picture above is from Busted Tees. You can buy a shirt of it HERE.

Friday, November 16, 2007

Barroid Bobblehead indicted

Okay guys. I have but one question: Will his home run record get taken off the books, will it get an asterisk (like his 756th homerun ball, thanks to Mark Ecko), or will it be left alone?

And CowboyLaw, what are the odds that he'll do time for this? I know you're not a criminal lawyer, but since you live in that neck of the woods, I'm assuming you've had some interesting water cooler chats...

Monday, November 12, 2007

Husker Fan Feedback

Meet Katy. Dedicated Husker fan.

Sportsfan Redemption

Grimace was very angry this weekend
This weekend finally provided a little relief for what has been a very disappointing fall for sports. As Lord Bling pointed out in his post (with pictures), the Broncos owned the Chiefs at Arrowhead. This is significant, because as CowboyLaw pointed out, the Broncos are not exactly having their best year ever. But we still managed to beat the Cheats. Brings a smile to my face.

I was also present for Nebraska's complete thrashing of Kansas State. No doubt the Huskers are having one of their worst years in recent memory. The important information here is that Kansas State's quarterback initialy committed to Nebraska, only to back out at the last minute. His name is Josh Freeman, and our defense, which has been the worst in the country this season, pwned him. And their primary team color is purple.

Before the game, Kansas State fans were pouring it on, trashing the Huskers for the year we're having. Funny, I didn't see them after we torched their defense for 73 points and 700 yards. Feels good when that happens.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Bush fights the 'bad guys' in Baghdad!

Nice photo op. Doesn't he know that video games are bad for you?

I wonder what game they were playing. I'm guessing it was Call of Duty 4.

This game has cost me a lot of sleep lately. The single-player campaign is really good. It makes you feel like you're starring in an action movie, and the graphics have to be seen to be believed. But for as good as the single-player is, the multi-player mode is downright phenomenal.

Thursday, November 08, 2007

Who made who?

Or should I say, 'Who paid off who?'

Is Robertson aware that Giuliani is pro-choice and pro-gay-marriage? And if so, is he just betting on who he thinks will win the nomination, and is making an attempt to gain some favor with him?


Wednesday, November 07, 2007


So, one of the reasons I've been a bit less active on the Blog as of late is that I've been more involved in Yelp. There's no real reason for me to explain what Yelp is. You either know about it, or you can educate yourself by cruising through the website. I like the concept, and I've found Yelp to be very useful, esp. in SF. The Midge will probably find it less helpful in Omaha, because its utility depends entirely on how many people there are in a given city actively contributing. Anyway, I've added a blog feature in the left margin so you can access my most recent pithy comments with just a click. Thus you can experience the blending of my two great web passions. Other than porn. And Mexican wang drugs.

Saturday, November 03, 2007

A pic of my brother

Wow. Just, wow.

When my brother came to pick me up at the airport yesterday, I thought it was Matisyahu preparing for the next BumFights DVD. So I had to take a pic and give it the special text treatment:

The Blog is Three Today

Happy 3rd Birthday Douchebag!

It's a celebration bitches! The blog is three years old today. I can't believe that three years ago today, it was the eve of the 2004 Presidential Election. I was living in Seattle, and hoping we wouldn't elect a moron as our President. A lot has changed in three years, but I still wish we wouldn't have elected that shitbag as President. At least now, we only have a year left.

Sportsfan Hell

As CowboyLaw so delicately pointed out, the month of October was perhaps the worst month of my life as a sports fan. Let me summarize:

Let me start with the least painful. I am not a big fan of MLB. You will not be surprised that I like $1 beer night (Thirsty Thursday, for those of you in Omaha) for the AAA Omaha Royals. If you can imagine how bad the MLB Royals are, the Omaha Royals are their minor league team and equally shitty at all things baseball. But, the games are fun or at least an excuse to drink $1 Miller High Life in cans. I was cheering for the Rockies because 1) I used to live in Colorado and 2) I hate the Red Sox. Do I need to elaborate on why the World Series was not enjoyable for me? For the record, Boston sports teams can lick my asshole roughly 12 hours after I eat Indian food. People, like CowboyLaw, who cheer for Boston sports teams having never lived there, can take sloppy seconds.

My Broncos are having a very very mediocre year. We get crushed by the Colts and San Diego, and then turn around and dominate the Steelers. The Broncos schedule is very soft, including 2 games against CowboyLaw's KC Chiefs (another team he cheers for in a city/state where he's never lived). The only thing worse than losing a World Series to Boston is getting beat by the Packers and their painkiller poppin' QB. We could lose every other game this season, but if we can beat the Cheats. It would make being a Bronco fan worth living. Stay tuned.

And now, the really bad news. Going into October, the Nebraska Cornhuskers were 4-1, the only loss to Southern California with one of the top rated recruiting classes in the country. Not to say that September was all puppy dogs and ice cream. We nearly lost to Testicle, I mean Ball State and Wake Forest. The signs were there, but at 4-1, who cares right? October brought not only 4 straight losses, but 3 complete ass-whoopings. Nebraska will be incredibly lucky to win another game this season. We fired our Athletic Director, and it looks like our coaching staff (along with some of their top recruits) will be gone the day after Thanksgiving.

Needless to say, I stick with my teams. The downside to this approach to being a sports fan, is that you have periods of time (like my entire childhood as a Bronco fan and as a Wyoming Cowboys fan) where your teams can't win the big one. Being a fairweather fan like Cowboylaw has the advantage of being able to drop your team like a stolen car with a dead hooker in the trunk if they don't win the Super Bowl. The disadvantage, of course, is that people like me will always be there to remind them that they didn't always like the Red Sux or that the KC Chiefs will never win a Super Bowl while we are alive.

These are dark times for my teams, but the best thing about sports is that there's always next season, and Nebraska will have a new coach, the Broncos will have a great first round draft pick, and the Rockies will have the experience that only a first rate ass kicking can give you.

On the Road

And no, not Jack Kerouac. I had a death in the family, so I've gone back home to be with them. Fortunately, I bought a laptop about a month ago, and my parents have wi-fi, so I'm not as out of touch as I usually am. I'll probably post more at some point this weekend, but I thought right now that I'd take a minute and give you an idea of just how small my hometown is.

This is the entrance to the airport:


Oh, and in a text message this morning, Miles reminded me that it's Caturday, so Happy Caturday, motherfuckers.