Who is Robert Orben, and why is he so quotable?

Every time I log into Gmail, they have some news headline or famous quote at the top of the Inbox. Typically, they try to tie it in to a word in an e-mail you've received, which is a little too Orwellian for my taste. But this morning, it had the following:

Funny Quote of the Day - Robert Orben - "Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected."

I did a double-take. Who the fuck is Robert Orben, and why is he so smart? So I did something I wouldn't normally recommend: I clicked the link. And I was glad I did. Here are some other winners:

"A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success."

"Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian."

"Love is so confusing - you tell a girl she looks great and what's the first thing you do? Turn out the lights!"

"Do your kids a favor - don't have any."

I have to think this guy is related to the Angry Midget. Ryan, do you have a family tree you can post?