Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Recognize the game, crackas.

In this time of giving, I think we at this website are long overdue in giving a true genius the proper respect he deserves. That genius is none other than Dolemite. He fought the man. He pulled all the honeys. He had a dozen kung-fu hookers working for him. He put a Hush Puppy up the ass of any cracka who got in his way.

It's a little-known fact, but he was also a pioneer. Back in the earlier days of the internets, when someone wanted to know what a 'blumpkin' was, Dolemite hooked them up. His official website has an 'Ebonics Primer,' which predated Urban Dictionary with years to spare. Jive slang, sex terminology, it didn't matter. All that info was on his website, so all of us rat-soup eatin' honky muthafuckas could get a clue.

I know from experience that his hate for 'the man' wasn't an act. I met him at a VSDA trade show a few years back, and got a picture with him. He wasn't too happy to be posing with a white man, to say the very least. He did it though, probably because he thought I worked for some powerful company. If he'd have known I was a buyer for a business as crappy as Hastings at that time, I'd probably still be shitting Hush Puppies. Just look at what he did to these whiteys...

Now, if you've seen The Human Tornado, you might try to point out that he had sex with a white woman. True, but it was the sheriff's wife, so it was just another way to stick it to the man. Plus, when the sheriff broke down the bedroom door, and she tried to act innocent, he dropped this classic line: "Bitch, are you fo' real?" If you haven't seen The Human Tornado, for some stupid reason, then check out this good shit. There. No more stupid reasons.

And as if you need any more convincing, marinate on this: he even had an NES game made about him.

Big ups to you, Dolemite. Regardless of the color of our skin, we recognize game.

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