Sunday, July 02, 2006
Women Looking to Assert Your Individuality: Try a Butt Crack Tattoo
Okay, I hate to look like I'm copying the Midget, but I had an experience almost exactly like his, and I just had to share it. The other day, I saw a woman who appeared to have some kind of tattoo at the top of the crack of her ass. I was so stunned I had to take the above picture of it with my handy camera phone. I have to say that I have never seen any woman sporting a tattoo over the top of the crack of her ass. I was instantly intrigued. Here was a woman of sophistication. Intelligence. Individuality. An independent thinker. Not the sort of person to jump on some sort of bandwagon.
Now, I know what some of you are thinking: it's going to be very distracting when we're having sex. You're absolutely wrong. There is no way in hell that you're going to find yourself obsessively staring at that tattoo during what should be an intimate moment. And I know some of you are also thinking that, once the woman in question hits 40 or 50, the tattoo is not going to look so hot. But, you're totally missing the point: why think about the future? Why wonder if you'll look ridiculous in the nursing home with 22 facial piercings and those awesome tribal ear-loops? The point is, you look totally killer NOW!
I hate to have to get into this, but in the interests of fairness, I also need to head-off another mistaken assumption you may be having. You may think that a woman sporting such a tattoo may be of questionable sexual morals. You couldn't be more wrong. Having seen the woman myself, I can tell you without a doubt that she was saving herself for marriage. She would be totally unacquainted with concepts such as fingercuffs, trains, and the Cleveland Steamer. She definitely does not go all the way on the first date. No, you'll have to meet her parents, pass a credit check, and have a good job with prospects before you two will have sex. And even then, it will be subdued, safe sex utilizing only the missionary position. She definitely will not blow you in the restroom of a truck stop. So don't even think about asking.
Posted by Ben Patrick at 2:34 PM