Thursday, October 19, 2006

True Facts about Chuck Norris

If at first you don’t succeed, your name is not Chuck Norris.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.

CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.

Time waits for no man, unless that man is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he never cries.

Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.

A Handicapped parking sign is actually a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will become handicapped if you park there.

If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? All of it.

Everything King Midas touches turns to gold. Everything Chuck Norris touches turns up dead.

Chuck Norris' penis has a Hemi.

If a tree falls in the forest, and no one is around, Chuck Norris still hears it.

The drummer for Def Leppard once asked Chuck Norris what time it was.

Chuck Norris is not Irish. His hair is soaked in the blood of his victims.

A lesbian is a woman who has never met Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't say "who's your daddy", because he knows the answer.

Most people fear the Reaper. Chuck Norris considers him "a promising rookie."
Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his mother's uterus.

Chuck Norris' first job was as a paperboy. There were no survivors.

Chuck Norris is the only person to have beaten Ray Charles in a staring contest.

If Chuck Norris ever has sex with a man, it won't be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women.

The Bible was originally titled "Chuck Norris and Friends."

1 comment:

miles said...

Chuck Norris never gives head. He takes it.