Monday, November 06, 2006

Middle America Just Got A Lot More Inviting for Gay People

One of the hardest things for me to explain to my gay friends is why they should move to the Midwest. Small dogs freeze to death in Omaha. No beaches to show off a patriotic American flag Speedo. People in drag shows in Omaha look like they just finished Drag racing. All those mean, right-wing evangelicals live here as well. But thanks to Reverand Ted Haggard's admission that he had drug-induced butt sex, I think I can safely say that the Midwest might just be the best place for gay people.

Think of all the potential hook-ups! If Evangelical leaders are giving reacharounds, in addition to sermons about Jesus, Omaha might be the next San Francisco!

The best part of the entire situation is that this wasn't just some bible-beater who had a one-night stand at the Flying J in North Platte, Nebraska (I know you're out there), this was the former President of the mega-self-righteous National Evangelical Association. You know, the ones who are always telling the rest of us what satanic assholes we are. Whether or not you believe in God, this is pretty hilarious.

The best part is that the SUPER GIANT WE'RE SO PIOUS AND EVERYBODY ELSE IS GOING TO HELL MEGA FANDANGO church that he was the head of, that had like 30,000 members, fired him. I guess they must have skipped the part about forgiveness in the Bible. You know, the entire New Testament?


warm_machine said...

It's been a while since I've watched the news and it actually put a smile on my face rather than making me want to exit the human race.

When I heard about this scandal I woke right-the-hell-up and was euphoric the rest of the day! Hell, I'm a bit giddy just thinking about it now.

I just want to say thank you Rev. Haggard, thank you Meth, and thank you closeted-butt-sex for making my day!

Miles said...

This doesn't necessarily mean he's a hypocrite for stumping against gay marriage. Its not like he secretly married gays. Sheesh.

Ryan the Angry Midget said...

You're so right Miles. If they had been married, anal would have been out of the question.