Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Lite Brite Terrorism

I recently became a fan of the Adult Swim show 'Aqua Teen Hunger Force.' I'd seen a few episodes here and there, and liked it, but not until after I bought the first four seasons on DVD did I truly appreciate the show's random yet subversive style. If you haven't gotten on-board with them, here's a good place to start:

So, the Mooninites are pretty much the breakout stars of the show. At least, that's what those who are marketing the upcoming feature film think. And it was a good idea to market the film around them, except for some fuckfaces in Boston who had to ruin it for all of us.

Blinking lights. I don't know if Boston is full of idiots or epileptics. So should we ban blinking lights now? The Massachusetts Attorney General was quoted tonight as saying, "It had a very sinister appearance. It had a battery behind it, and wires." Well, jumpin' Jesus on a pogo stick. Maybe we should ban batteries too. Would that mean the terrorists won? I guess they aren't the only ones who hate our freedoms.

In typical marketing fashion, those behind the campaign buckled like a belt and apologized. And yet, according to the mayor of Boston, the apology isn't enough. He's thinking of sueing Turner Broadcasting for the 'hundreds of thousands of dollars' the city lost in chasing a bomb scare. "I just think this is outrageous, what they've done ... It's all about corporate greed." Until he takes down every billboard in Boston, that statement is completely hypocritical. Besides, Turner Broadcasting didn't call in the bomb threat, one of his fuckwad constituents did. Sue that person, and good luck getting six figures out of him or her. Come to think of it, how much does a bomb squad worker make in a shift anyway?

I'm guessing that this story will disappear in a couple of days, then reappear as a sidebar once the movie hits theaters. Well, I think it's more important than that. This country is full of complete fucking idiots, and for once, I'm not specifically talking about the 27% who still approve of the job our President is doing. We owe it to ourselves as a nation to band together, reach across party lines, and immortalize this moment, if only to remind ourselves just how stupid some people are. So, I made this:

Print and post this wherever you're surrounded by people who are incapable of forming an intelligent thought (work, bars, airports, stadiums, churches, jury deliberation rooms, monster-truck rallies, the White House, et. al.).

Never forget.

1 comment:

Ryan the Angry Midget said...

My favorite part is out of like 9 cities that had these posted, only the chowdah-heads from Boston thought it was a terrorist attack.

Civic leaders in Boston used this fact to praise the Boston authorities for picking up on this, but I would remind them that a critical element of preventing terrorism is to be able to tell the difference between a terrorist attack and Adult Swim.

Go give Tom Brady a reacharound while fantasizing about Larry Bird!