Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail 2008

As I write this, I am sitting in the vortex that is fast becoming Colorado's second most "liberal" city. This may be due to the fact that the city planners, and city council, actually use tax money for it's intended purposes:1)make the city a better place to live for all 2)use the money to fund infrastructure, among a laundry list of other reasons. However, this is all for another post.

My real intention is to ask my fellow bloggers a pressing question. Why is the debt of Hillary Clinton become a national problem for 1)Barack Obama and his supporters and 2)the rest of the democrat party, along with democrat leaning independents? I find it fascinating that the idea of party unity, come November, rests on the shoulders of Obama and his supporters. Isn't that the job of Hillary Clinton to bring party unity? Obama was gracious and magnanimous throughout her entire campaign, only to be ridiculed as condescending and sexist. It isn't the fault of Obama that she lost, this was hers to lose.

She walked into this campaign season assured a lightning quick victory to the presidential nomination only to find out that what she was really holding was a 500 pound greased pig ready for change. This is not the fault of the electorate, or Obama, it is her's and Bill's burden to bare alone. And only at a time when gas is at, or near, $4 a gallon, groceries prices are going up and a 4 year degree might qualify you to run the fucking Tilt-o-Whirl, would people worth upwards of $100 million dollars ask the people of America to bail THEM out. What the hell is happening here? Bubba have to start paying for those blow jobs? These people have been put into a position of phenomenal wealth, and earning power, by the people of America. And I'm going to say it, we owe them nothing now. She stayed in too long and over extended her budget. Not my fault, hers!

Let's look at this from a football perspective. It was relatively obvious after Texas and Ohio that she stood a snowballs chance in hell of coming away with a big enough margin of victory in the following contests to win the nomination and she stayed in anyways. Not only did she stay in, but she continued to spend money, that we now know, she didn't have to begin with. When a football team is getting it handed to them in the 3rd or 4th quarter, what does any coach worth his whistle do? He puts in his back ups and gives "lesser" players the opportunity to play ball because he knows that risking his starters only hurts him, and his team, in the long run.

So why did she not stop spending? Hubris? I refuse the notion that she didn't know, or refused to believe, what was seemingly inevitable. So, that leaves ego and I believe that the 90's gave both Bill and Hill plenty of that. Not the electorate as a whole, not her want to be a good public servant, but the chance to stay in the spotlight a little longer was her driving factor, and that I WILL NOT PAY FOR!

Thank you Hillary and Bill for your public service, but as for me, my money is staying right where it belongs...the gas station.

-Via con Dios,

HCP

McCain's energy plan seems like it would totally suck

I wasn't exactly expecting a home run on energy from a Republican, but McCain isn't exactly impressing me or anyone else here, which is why he's already lagging in the polls. I will say that we shouldn't get all get infected with micropollarrhea, where we shit our pants each time a new polls is released between now and November, but McCain's lack of imagination on his policies might mean that the shine is wearing off this particular turd.

Strategy number one: force auto companies to produce cars that run on flex fuel. Currently a number of automakers already offer flex fuel vehicles, and making it so a car can run on either ethanol or gas doesn't really lessen our dependence on oil appreciably. McCain can't even tell us how much switching would reduce our consumption, which is what really needs to happen to reduce oil prices.

Strategy number two: The Clean Car Challenge. Sounds so fucking awesome. What this really means is that he is willing to offer a $5000 tax credit for people that buy a zero emissions vehicle. Again, not lessening our oil consumption. Plus, greenhouse gases from transportation as a whole, which doesn't reflect the sole contribution of passenger cars, only accounts for 14% of greenhouse gas emissions at this point. The impact, despite the completely kick ass name, would be minimal.

Strategy three: The big prize. McCain must not have ever studied economics in his life. He is willing to offer a $300 million prize to the company that can develop a battery for an electric car. You don't get the prize until after you build the battery, but this type of thing shows what a complete idiot McCain really is. You don't need to offer a $300 million prize to support this type of innovation because the company that is able to do this would make $300 million in the first 5 seconds of announcing that they had this technology. While $300 million sounds like a lot of money to you and me, it's nothing to the folks who are working on this problem. Although it might be nice for them to have money to fight opposition from big oil on electric cars, but they can't get the prize until after they invent the battery. Too bad.

These policies are only a taste of what McCain has in store for us. What next? Foreign policy plans for domestic issues? Universal healthcare for pets? I can't wait!

Shattered concrete and live music

I need a vacation.

You may not guess it, but selling video games is a lot of hard work. Plus, the foundation repair is still going on, and it's a huge cause of stress. People are in my backyard drilling nine-foot holes into the ground, and it's hard to concentrate, let alone make sales calls. Of course, one could make a joke about how most of the music I listen to isn't all that different from jackhammers breaking up concrete, so there you go. As for my driveway, it's full of dirt and concrete, so we can't park our cars in the garage at night. Plus, they're not done in the master bedroom yet, so we're still having to sleep in the guest bedroom. When you've spent six years sharing a king-sized bed, and have to go down to a full-size, it's very disorienting. I can't even roll over in my sleep without waking one of us up. I haven't had a decent night's sleep in a week and a half, and it's gonna be almost another week before they're done. So, I'm ready to cut loose a little.

It's been a while since we last got out of town for a vacation. My girlfriend and I went to my dad's in Wyoming last Thanksgiving, but I doubt she considered that a vacation, as she hates cold weather, and it was my family and not hers. Plus, it's Wyoming. I love my dad, but I wish he'd move to Denver. :) So, we decided we were both overdue for a trip on 'neutral ground,' so to speak. So we thought, 'Why not go to Lollapalooza in Chicago in August?'


Of course, the biggest reason for this decision is that the Toadies are headlining the MySpace stage on Saturday, August 2nd. If you didn't catch my previous blog post about the Toadies, I have an old friend who is now their bass player, which kicks all sorts of ass. He used to play bass with punk bands like Hagfish and Only Crime, but had gone back to a desk job. That just wasn't his style, so I was ecstatic for him when he got this gig. We'd both been fans of the Toadies for a long time, so for him to be a member of the band now is too cool. The one regret I have about Lollapalooza is that Radiohead is playing on Friday, and I probably won't get to see them. They're on the short list of bands I want to see before I die, and I didn't get to see them when they came through in May. The good news though, is right after the Toadies play their set, we're all gonna run over to see Rage Against the Machine, so that'll be fun. But the trip won't be all about live music. I'm also planning on seeing a Cubs game that Sunday. I grew up a Cubs fan, and have been to Wrigley once, but swore I'd make it back again. If you're ever in Chicago and want to have some fun, take the train to Wrigleyville on a day when there's a Cub home game. You don't have to be a baseball fan to have a blast. My girlfriend can't stand baseball, but she had just as much fun afterwards in their bars as I did.

Anyone else gonna be at Lollapalooza on August 2nd? If so, post a comment and we can plan on getting together to have some $14 beers...

Grand Theft Auto IV -- Game Stat Update

I beat the story mode in Grand Theft Auto IV last week, and have since gone back and finished the Assassin and Courier missions. I still plan on finishing all of the Stunt Jumps and Brucie races, but I doubt I'll try to find all 200 of the 'Flying Rats'. That's gonna take a lot of exploration, and I doubt I'll ever get THAT bored in the game. But in the meantime, I thought I'd post some of my current game stats, for the two of you who care...

GENERAL
Game Progress -- 78.00%
Missions Passed -- 94
Missions Failed -- 34
Current Money -- $535,325
Times Busted -- 0
Times Died -- 20
People Killed -- 920
Playing Time -- 49:29:14
Longest Non-stop Game -- 04:09:34
Days Passed -- 103
Favorite Radio Station -- Liberty City Hardcore

CRIMES
Cars Stolen -- 284
Longest Cop Chase Time -- 10:01
People Run Down -- 500
Fires Started -- 93
Criminals Killed -- 86

VEHICLES
Miles on Foot -- 56.85
Miles by Car -- 606.47
Longest Bike Wheelie -- 1,668.62 ft
Farthest Jump Distance -- 397.23 ft
Air Launches -- 1,606

MONEY
Spent Buying Clothes -- $1,830
Spent on Prostitutes -- $520
Spent on Health Care -- $117,071
Spent in Gun Shop -- $317,535
Spent on Dates -- $700

PLAYER
Times Got Drunk -- 11
Longest Free Fall -- 147.26 ft

COMBAT
Bullets Fired -- 13,571
Killed by Headshots -- 459
Vehicles Blown Up -- 96
Kills with Carbine Rifle -- 239
Kills with Combat Sniper -- 130
Kills with RPG -- 61

SCORE
Pool Played Time -- 01:01:55
Bowling High Score -- 254
Favorite Activity -- Drinking
Pigeons Exterminated -- 18
Random Characters Met -- 9

MISC
Time Spent on Internet -- 01:23:08
Emails received -- 62
Time Spent Calling -- 01:27:39
Total Dates -- 20
Scored with Girl -- 10
Girls Dumped -- 4
Prostitute Visits -- 7
Tramps Given Money To -- 2

ACHIEVEMENTS (XBOX 360)
33 out of 50
585 Gamerscore

If you've been playing, I'd love to see some of your stats. Everyone plays the game differently. Maybe you've made it your goal to only drive on sidewalks, so perhaps you've run down twice as many people as me? Or maybe you've spent more money on prostitutes (but got it all back)?

White trash strikes it rich(er) through procreation

Who knew jizz could be worth so much?


This inbred one-hit wonder throws his baby batter around, and 15 years later, he's worth more money than he ever made on his own. But OH NOES! Here comes the scandal!

This morning, CNN thinks 'Billy Ray Cyrus reacts to Miley's Vanity Fair photos' is front-page news. He 'reacts.' To semi-clothed pictures. That were taken a month ago.

And what a dad he is! How did the pictures get taken? Let's let Achy-Breaky explain it:

"I wasn't there at the time. (Miley's) publicist was there, and everyone seemed in control," he said. "I didn't know they (were) gonna strip her down and wrap her with a blanket."

Someone get this guy one of THESE!


Is that what it's like in Hollywood? Publicists are surrogate parents? Plus, it was Annie FUCKING Leibovitz. If Mullet Man would've done a quick Google Image Search of her name, he would've seen a LOT of celebrity skin. John Lennon. Demi Moore. Scarlett Johansson and Keira Knightley. Seriously. Where the fuck has this guy been in the last 30 years? I know they have wi-fi in California. Hell, even his nephew has wi-fi on his porch:


That is to say, he would've found the images on Google if he could've spelled 'Liebovitz.' How in the world is this guy supposed to comment on fashion?

Foundation repair SUCKS

As I type this, people are drilling through the concrete slab in my master bedroom. My girlfriend and I had to move into the guest bedroom for the next 10 days or so, while they install three piers in the bedroom (and about 19 around the outside of the house, including six on our back patio). The cats are freaking the fuck out because they've been displaced, and now they hear a constant jackhammer coming from their safe haven.

The soil in Dallas SUCKS.

John McCain has beer on the brain

Either he wants to veto beer, or he likes beer so much that it worked its way into a Freudian slip during a speech. Will he be drunk when he vetos bills? I can already see the campaign slogans this summer: THE GOP -- FOUR MORE BEERS!

Oh well. It's not like we haven't spent the last seven-plus years with an alcoholic cokehead...

Flawed Logic

I woke up today to the news that Barak Obama is the presumptive Democratic nominee, which resulted in tons of speculation that Hillary Clinton may go from being Obama's punching bag to his right-hand bag, as his VP. At this point, insiders are trying to work deals behind the scenes, but who knows who will eventually be Obama's running mate. Hopefully, Obama will take his time and pick the right person. I haven't decided yet whether I think Hillary would be a good VP or not.

The media seems to be suggesting that picking Clinton is a win-win situation for Democrats, but I'm not sure that all Clinton supporters will trade in their "Bill Clinton for First Lady" t-shirts for "One you vote Barak, you'll never go back". Personally, I've been sporting my two favorite Dick Cheney shirts.


My point is that it's easy to fall into the logical trap that every other voter out there approaches this situation the same way we would. I would vote for a steaming pile of dog shit before I would vote for John McCain. For me, the decision has been made. Another group of Dems that were supporting Clinton will probably support Obama. Although the polls that will really tell us something are only being conducted as I type this, we know from our friends at Polling Report that the data suggest that before Clinton conceded, about 60% of Clinton supporters would switch to Obama without her being the running mate. In the coming days, we'll see if Obama's poll numbers increase. You know Obama's people are watching those polls like hawks.

My prediction is that if Obama opens up a huge lead without naming Clinton as his VP, he'll take his time. If Obama's numbers don't change a lot, I think he'll scoop Clinton up and be off to the races. Right now, McCain and Obama are polling within the margin of error of each other, so the poll numbers are going to tell us a lot over the next few days. I think 5% is the magic number: Obama leads McCain by more than that, Clinton is out. Obama stays in a virtual tie, say hello to VP Clinton.

Obama the Clincher

I don't have much to add to the whole Obama conversation right now, and this picture says it better than I ever could:


I do have to say though, I'm really glad this primary season is FINALLY over. So, should Hillary be his running mate? A friend of mine who's currently working in Sweden posted on his blog that Al Gore should be his running mate. I think both bring a lot to the table. Your thoughts?

Dolemite is BACK

Guess what, crackas? Dolemite is back!


In case you weren't with us in late 2005, here's a recap: I love Dolemite movies. I owe it to The Angry Midget. He opened my eyes to the genius of Rudy Ray Moore. The man was ahead of his time. And now, he's back, proving to the man that you can't keep a good muthafucka down. And, punk crackas can't keep his Hush Puppys out their muthafuckin' asses.

Marinate on this trailer, fools:



I have no idea when it releases, but as soon as I do, it's on. Midge, I don't care how many pages you have left in your doctoral thesis. We're meeting half-way between Omaha and Dallas to watch this thing.