Tuesday, December 14, 2004

Defending the Cowboys


For those of you who don't know, I grew up in the great state of Wyoming. Home of the Wyoming Cowboys. Not just the gentlemen who chase cattle all over hell and back to have sex with them, but a group of athletes, who I will support without hesitation until I donate my body the science as a ballistics dummy.

That being said, you can understand how disappointed I was to read this article in the Daily Bruin, the student newspaper for UCLA. UCLA has to face the Cowboys in the Las Vegas Bowl on December 23rd. Gilbert, the guy who wrote the article, received the following retort via email: (You too can send him your own comments also at gquinonez@media.ucla.edu It's quite cathartic.)

Gilbert,

I wanted to point out a couple things about your article (Wyoming match-up raises the question: Why? 12/9/2004) from the Daily Bruin. As a Wyoming native, there were a couple points I felt had to be made. First of all, nice picture. I can tell from your picture that the Daily Bruin decides who gets to be Senior Staff by having a pie eating contest, and you obviously pulled through on that one. Nice work.

As far as the UCLA Bruins football team goes, it's great that you're talking about the BCS in your article. I'm sure most students at UCLA have never even heard of the Bowl Championship Series, since UCLA has never won enough games to play in a BCS bowl game. Then again, maybe some of the USC students from nearby have let you all in on how it works.

You have every right to be proud of the Bruins and their chances against the Cowboys. After all, UCLA had a breakout season at with 6 wins and 5 losses. You must be particularly proud of the fact that all 6 wins came against teams with losing records. The Bruins have yet to beat an opponent this season with a winning record, let alone a single one that is going to a bowl game. No wonder you're excited to play the Cowboys. This is your big chance to prove that 2004 was your year (to finish 6-5 in the worst of the major conferences).

I bet those BCS scenarios get incredibly complicated for teams with 6-5 records like the Bruins. The Cowboys have a 6-5 record too, but Cowboy fans, despite what you would believe, are smart and realistic. We don't talk about the BCS because it doesn't affect us. If Oklahoma, USC, Auburn, Texas, Cal, Utah, Boise State, and Louisville all died in a giant 8 plane collision, UCLA would still only be playing in the Tangerine Bowl.

I can already hear you saying "But Ryan, if Cal beat Southern Miss more convincingly blah blah blah blah". Try winning your games jerkoff. You wouldn't be facing Wyoming if you have beat a single team this season with a winning record. It's not Wyoming's fault that UCLA couldn't hang in an incredibly mediocre Pac 10 conference. UCLA only beat 1-10 Washington by 6 points, and trailed 24-7 in the 2nd Quarter. And you're talking about the BCS as it affects UCLA's bowl invitation? I think losing 5 games probably had more to do with the fact that you're playing Wyoming, than the BCS snubbing of Cal, but what do I know, I grew up in Wyoming, after all.

Fans in the Pac 10 may not want to admit it, but Cal slipped past Texas in the BCS because the Big 12 is a better conference. In the three games between the Big 12 and Pac 10 this year, the Big 12 is 3-0, including your Bruins getting torched by Oklahoma State at home in their opening game.

Your negative comments about Wyoming as a state are comical. You elected the Terminator as your Governor, and you want to make fun of Wyoming for having a small population? In California, you have the largest population of any state, and you still couldn't prevent Kindergarten Cop from becoming your Governor. If that's what having tons of neighbors gives you, I'll stick to my wide open spaces, thank you very much. The solution to your billion dollar state budget crisis: Total(ly expensive) Recall (of Gray Davis). Good luck with that. Additionally, if you're any indication of what kind of people California has to offer, I'm guessing it's a pretty miserable place to live.

I'm looking forward to a good game on December 23rd, and the Cowboys will kick ass. Why you ask? Because they actually have something to play for. While to UCLA football players are busy preparing themselves for the pie eating contest that obviously got you your job, the Cowboys are going to make you eat an extra serving of humble pie at that All-You-Can-Eat Buffet you get kicked out of every second Thursday night (Homemade Pie night).

Warmest Regards from the Cowboy State,

Ryan McCreery

4 comments:

echo_doctor said...

Ouch. You have to keep us posted if he publishes that letter, and what his response is. I'm sure it'll contain a two-word retort ending in "you."

Anonymous said...

Wyoming. What a totally lame state. Totally lame.

echo_doctor said...

Uh-huh. And where you you from...Arkansas?

CowboyLaw said...

Update as of 12/23/04, 10:00 p.m., CDST:

Cowboys 10, UCLA 0.

Further updates: someone in LA just did a drive-by. Gilbert is working on his second slice of pie, this time, a banana creme. Someone in LA just bought a hit of crack. The Governator just felt up an intern. Yes, LA is definitely a better place to live.....Gilbert finished his piece of pie.