Thursday, July 19, 2007

The Silver Ring Thing



A court in England ruled this week that a little girl couldn't wear her silver ring that signifies that she will be waiting until marriage to have sex in school. This ruling no doubt disappointed her male classmates, who were likely setting up a pool to prognoticate how many STDs this lass has by the time she leaves primary school. Really, you say? Shouldn't all 8 year-old kids promise their vaginas to Jesus until they walk down the aisle?

And as our 95% posting from last December points out, the vast majority of people do not wait until they meet that special someone that they have a 50% probability of divorcing before taking the skin boat to tuna town.

The only thing scientific that we can say about viginity pledges is that they do not keep people from having premarital sex. The 95% figure has been stable for a very, very long time. Rather, the only thing that virginity pledges accomplish is to make it more likely for those idealistic little bastards to engage in high risk sexual behavior, such as unprotected sex, oral sex or anal sex, since we all know that a lady is still considered a virgin by Jesus, no matter how many times she's taken a spicy beef injection up the backroad. If you think I'm kidding, click here to see the study that came out in the Journal of Adolescent Health in 2005.

Now, I am not bagging on people who want to wait to have sex until they are married. I feel sorry for people who wait, because I think sex is a healthy thing that you should have when you're ready. Hopefully once we get all these fundies out of the White House, people will stop trying to treat premarital sex like vaginal terrorism, and realize that we all need to lighten up and get laid.

4 comments:

Lord Bling said...

I've said it before and I'll say it again. 'Who buys a car without test-driving it first?'

ptg said...

Its just a stupid fad. Like wearing a tiki in the early 60's. They were the 'latest west coast craze' and I had one. There actually were adults that thought tikis were 'evil', so they were banned from school.

I didn't complain and my parents didn't sue anyone over the ban. I figured that stopping me from doing as I pleased was the purpose of school.

CowboyLaw said...

I think I can sum up the court's ruling:

Do what you want, but don't be a stuck up bitch about it.

To that, I will add the following:

You are welcome to do whatever you want to do with your penis, vagina and anus, but I don't want to hear about it.

Caveat: if you're particularly good looking, and decide to film what you do with your vagina and/or anus, I may buy the film. But I still don't want to talk to you about it.

Caveat the second: if what you decide to do with your penis, vagina and/or anus involves a goat, and you decide to film it, GPA might buy the film. She may also want to talk to you about it. I still won't want to talk to you about it.

CampBlood said...

Dear Vaginas 4 Jesus Enthusiast,

Staple it shut, seal it with duct-tape, or close it with super glue... I don't care. Do what you want, just don't be so fucking smug about it all. It's all fine & dandy that you want an unbroken hymen on your wedding night (which BTW won't be all the fun you're expecting since you're little snooch won't be broken in yet)and deliver all your virginity to your new owner/husband. But don't get uppity with the rest of us who do not feel guilty or ashamed of having sex before, during, or after marriage (which will probably be your case in the end.) Hell, I'm not even allowed to get married, so I got on with the fucking ASAP. I'm with Bling on test driving. I can't imagine the thought of waiting until my wedding night just to find out that what you've waited this whole time is boring, deformed, disproportionate, or wart covered. "Honey, I've got a special honeymoon surprise for you. Just think of it like drinking a milkshake from a Krazy-Straw!"