Wednesday, December 20, 2006

95%

Imagine if a president won an election with 95 percent of the popular vote. Now THAT would be some 'political capital' to spend in Washington. I mean, talk about a majority:

NINETY-FIVE PERCENT.

So, can we stop spending 'hundreds of millions of dollars' for the other five percent? No amount of money spent on abstinence 'education' is going to change people's hormones. Bible-thumper: 'Hey there little Timmy, God loves you.' Timmy: 'Yeah, but not as much as I love poon.'

Any hour now, we're going to see Tony Snow at the White House podium, answering a question about this poll, saying, "Well, a portion of those surveyed were homosexual, and since we won't let them get married, that inflated the results."

No wonder the terrorists 'hate our freedom.' They get their dicks cut off for just thinking about pre-marital sex, and we're running around like Caligula on a spring break bender.

5 comments:

NIN said...

Jessica Simpson and Britney Spears must be a part of that 5% minority...

Ryan the Angry Midget said...

Gives a whole new perspective to that whole teaching abstinence thing too. In other words, you can teach people to abstain from sex until their married, but they're still going to fuck each other anyway. The same group did a study that found that while teaching abstinenance makes people wait longer to have sex for the first time, they are significantly less likely to practice safe sex, than people who have been taught to use safe sex practices.

I feel bad for the 5% club personally. Premarital sex is a lot of fun.

Lord Bling said...

Not having premarital sex isn't fair to either person in the relationship. You're supposed to commit to someone for your entire life, before you know what they're like in bed? What if your partner doesn't like giving head? Only likes the missionary position? That's like buying a Ferrari, taking it home, and realizing it has a Geo Metro engine under the hood.

CowboyLaw said...

As a comedian once said, premarital sex is necessary to identify two types of people, who otherwise blend innocently in with the rest of us:

(1) those who can only get aroused when their partner dances counterclockwise around the coffee table while wearing a grass skirt and chanting from the Torah to the tune of "Girl from Ipanema" [in short, freaks]; and

(2) people who scream swear words every time they orgasm.

Without the valuable screening tool that is premarital sex, we might end up marrying one of these people. Perish the thought!

miles said...

Did they survey NIN multiple times to make up the extra 5%? That could be skewing the data even more.