Harriet Myers ... Katherine Harris ... Sarah Palin?

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F.oxtrot U.incorn C.harlie K.ilo

So here we are once again!! Another fucking year gone by, and guess what, it's time for the Rocky Mountain Showdown. Now I understand that I am the only person on this website that probably gives two shits about this game, but I'm fucking pumped up for the ass kicking that my Rams are going to give the Buffs this Sunday. I'm so excited that I'm going to grill up some buffalo burgers just to celebrate while I watch the ass pounding that will ensue. GO RAMS!!!!

-ps: In an effort to fully disclose, I'm sure that this will be a tight game all the way to the end, and I am also fully aware that I have left my self completely open for ridicule after the game; however if you can't show love for your team, who can you show love for? At least I'm not a Kansas Shitty Queefs fan, right?

At this very moment you are a male human being

I haven't posted much lately, but work has kept me traveling quite a bit this past month. I'll get a real update on here at some point this weekend. But in the meantime, I thought I'd post something I know most of you will appreciate.

Baseball and Border Patrol

So I'm watching the Cubs / Marlins baseball game on WGN, and I see an ad on the outfield wall for recruitment into the Border Patrol. Granted, it was in Florida, but still, I thought it was a little odd to see at a ballpark. It's in not only one, but two separate spots on the outfield wall (just outside the foul poles in left and right field). My Cubs weren't doing too well, so I thought I'd kill some time and go check out the website.


First off, we're greeted with enormous pictures of a black man and two Hispanics. Apparently, these large and imposing pictures are meant to cause panic (Sorry HCP, but I couldn't resist). Then, beneath these huge craniums is some jingoism about who they're wanting to hire. They want people who value freedom, but know there is a price. What is that price? A buck-oh-five? Then it says, "You want to put on the uniform and serve your country." THE uniform? People working at Taco Bell put on uniforms too, and they have more style than these:


I'm sure some marketing schmuck at Crayola would argue with me about this, but I'm sorry, those are BROWN. Is it Mexican camouflage? And tell me the overall design of this uniform doesn't look a little .... well, shall we say 'historic?'


Okay, maybe I'm stretching just a little. But none of this could've prepared me for what was hiding in the top right corner of the site:


Apparently, the Border Patrol is looking to hire an additional 6,000 jackbooted thugs ... ERRRR, 'Agents' by the end of 2008. And where better to look for the ideal 'Agent' than NASCAR? They even sponsored a car. I guess when you're trying to fill 6,000 extra positions, handing out flyers at Klan rallies isn't gonna cut the mustard. They're also actively encouraging women and minorities to join. Basically, they don't care what color or gender you are. If you like to beat up brown people, THIS is the job for you!

It also says that 'Agents' can make up to $70,000 annually by their third year. Well, good golly gee willikers. When I weigh the pros and cons of a new occupation, the first question I always ask myself is, 'Self, how much money will you be making in three years?' So, I have a proposal for one of our friends. The Angry Midget has a couple of years left of college before he can join the work force, so I'm suggesting that he skip those last two years and start contributing to society now. Besides, Ryan, do you really want to spend the next two years working on some boring thesis, or do you wanna start cracking some skulls today?

The U.S. Border Patrol. We Treat You Like a King!

Hispanic Causin' Panic?

Step 1: Click link.
Step 2: Put your junk in that box.
Step 3: ?????
Step 4: PROFIT!

Swimming must be REALLY easy, Michael Phelps

I don't know what you do for a living, but with all the Olympic hype about Michael Phelps lately, I've been thinking about taking up a career in swimming. If one guy can win 11 gold medals over two Olympics, the competition must not be that strong. Maybe what Michael Phelps needs, aside from cosmetic surgery on his ears, is some competition.

I like to swim, although I've never tried to do it quickly. I've done a lot of swimming in my life, though. For example, there was a summer a few years ago where all I did was sit in a swimming pool and drink beer for about 3 months. I'm basically like a fish, only I'm human. I might have to shave my chest afro to reduce drag, but how much more would it mean if I won a gold medal WITHOUT shaving my chest hair?

Watch out Michael Phelps. Next time you throw on your Speedo and head out to the pool, watch for the Angry Midget. I'll be the hairy one swimming in front of you the whole way.

Lord Bling????

1)Click title.
2)Laugh ass off.

Rain delayed...

Why the fuck do we in America continue to let the craziest among us lead the way? This guy is no Einstein, and as far as I can tell, he just gets paid to run around and be a douche bag at different events around the country. If you "You Tube" this sap, he has about 100 different PSA's that add nothing to public discourse except divisiveness and hatred. I understand our first amendment right to say whatever dangles off the end of our tongues, but sweet Christ there are people that listen to this fuck!! Anyways, here's the video. I'll let you decide who's the crazy person in this ad.
I say, "let it rain bitches because the hammer is about to fall!"