Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Hold on to the Night

Occasionally, I stumble across something on the internet that is more disturbing than anything I could possibly concoct to put on this site. Something sinister, that represents all that is evil in the world. Today, it was The Richard Marx Fan Club Website. On one hand, it makes me feel better to know that there are webpages out there that suck worse than mine. On the other hand, it seriously gives me chills to think that someone thinks highly enough of this guy's music to create a webpage in homage to it.

At first, I thought it had to be a joke. I was pretty sure that President Reagan ordered all people with Richard Marx haircuts, albums or strong physical likenesses to be rounded up and set free in Utah. Obviously, the dark day is upon us, and Utah finally has access to the internet. Watch for a flurry of Mormon and anti-alcohol/pro-polygamy websites coming soon.

One of many frightening pieces of information you can access on this tribute to the gayest musician of all time is that he's still on tour! Currently, Richard Marx is subjecting the people of Germany to a live Repeat Offender (Marx's 1989 smash hit album, in that, I would like to smash and hit every copy) medley which includes Right Here Waiting, Children of the Night, and Too Late to Say Goodbye. The make matters worse, the Richard Marx "Can you believe this guy hasn't been stoned by an angry mob yet" Tour 2005 is coming to California.

If you need a good laugh, check out some classic quotes from the man himself under the Discography section. Under section for Repeat Offender, Richard explains how he avoided the sophomore jinx experienced by many musicians by holding out good material from his first album, something I have suspected for quite some time. His 2004 album, My Own Best Enemy, is still listed as forthcoming, which gives me hope that maybe it wasn't released.

A frenzied search of Amazon.com indicates that like one of my ex-girlfriend's from college, My Own Best Enemy was released last year, although not from jail. The top selling result under Richard Marx for Amazon.com is something far more sinister than even Richard Marx by himself: an album with a duet between Kenny G and Richard Marx. Unfortunately, the song is not called "Gay Musicians with Equally Disgusting hair styles Sing about a Turd Sandwich". That would be cool and appropriate.

The moral of this story is that like spending a day in Utah, you can always run into someone or something that will make you feel good about yourself (or your lousy blog) on the internet.

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