Undecided voters are like that girl you dated in college who couldn't decide between Denny's and Applebee's

With the clock ticking down to the Presidential election in November, I continue to be amazed about the percentage of voters who are undecided about their choice for who will be the next leader of our country. Granted, it's like 4-5% in the latest polls, but to me that means that 4-5% of people they polled can't wipe their own asses.

I personally think if you are undecided in this election that you're either dead or an idiot. I don't want to hear a bunch of bullshit about how neither candidate is particularly a good choice. That's the very definition of a cop out. When have we had a presidential election during our lives that hasn't been a choice between a giant douche and a turd sandwich? Quit pretending that the way our political system works would result in anything other than two really rich political insiders being the candidates. We all recognize this fact, some of us just recognize that intelligent people can still make an informed decision about who would do the best job. And I think Obama is probably the best candidate we've had since Clinton, but I'm a commie pinko liberal, so take that for what it's worth.

This election, in particular, makes me even more irate that some people can't seem to decide. For the first time ever, you have two candidates that are pro-choice and pro-stem cell research, so unless you're going to right in Ron Paul or something equally idiotic, quit trying to tell me that because Palin is McCain's running mate that you're still voting against abortion when you vote for McCain. Conservatives are really showing that abortion is just a wedge issue that they've used to their advantages to gain support from naive voters who don't realize that who they elect for President has no bearing whatsoever on whether or not a woman can choose to have an abortion. In case you haven't noticed, we've had the most pro-life administration (at least when it comes to domestically-conceived fetuses and not children who live in Iraq), and abortion is still as legal as ever. Those of you who really care about abortion have been had. Bamboozled. Stop using it as your candidate litmus test.

Instead look at the economy. John McCain's campaign manager was on the payroll for Freddie Mac until August. You know, one of the giant mortgage companies involved in the current economic crisis right? I'm not sure how McCain has any credibility on the economy. And his running mate has been playing way too much Command and Conquer: Red Alert, believing that Russia is our next largest enemy, to notice the economic crisis. Apparently, Palin actually believes that Alaska's proximity to Russia = foreign policy experience. That's like saying because I work in a hospital that does surgery that I have surgical experience. Let me tell you that you do not want me operating on you.

Issues that would help people to become decided abound. At this point, if you haven't decided, the only message that you're sending is that you're not smart enough to evaluate the issues.