Sunday, December 21, 2008

Ryan's List of Worst Christmas Gifts

The end of the year is usually when the contributors put together lists of best albums, best movies, favorite pornos, etc. of the past 12 months. Being that I am completely out of contact with anything new and cool (I still haven't seen The Dark Knight, Burn After Reading or Tropic Thunder), I didn't really feel all that qualified to put anything like that together. What I do know quite a bit about is what I don't want for Christmas.

Thomas Kincade "Painter of Light" Desk Calendar - I was in a store today and saw this item. Immediately, I felt like punching someone. Nevermind that the "Painter of Crap" has been repeatedly investigated for fraud, but every piece of his artwork is the same recycled dog shit as the last. If you like Thomas Kincade's "art", you should really try going to an art museum sometime, so that you can see what actual paintings look like. Here's a hint, they're not painted by machines in Taiwan.

More discussion about "The War on Christmas" - Do you know what Santa Claus and an oppressed Christian living in the United States have in common? Neither one really exists. (Sorry kids who are reading this for the first time. Your Christian folks lied to you. Ask them why they celebrate pagan holidays too.) People who honestly believe that there is a war on Christmas just don't feel happy at the end of the day unless they think the entire country is out to steal their beloved holiday. You know what the real War on Christmas is? Commercialization, not the random athiest who objects to a nativity scene. What are you doing about commercialization, the only real threat to Christmas? Joining right in.

A book by Ann Coulter or Sean Hannity - The only bad thing about an Obama Presidency that I've come up with so far is that these two nutjobs will have plenty to complain about, besides the War on Christmas, for at least the next 4 years. You don't have to agree with me politically at all, but at least stop buying books penned by some of the most politically simplistic minds of our time. There's plenty of conservative political non-fiction out there, why do people continue to buy this tripe?

Do yourself a favor and don't get any of these things for a loved-one this year.


Lord Bling said...

Add the ShamWow and the Slap Chop to this list...

HCP said...

So...should I NOT send you that book I got you by George Will?