Dallas, look the fuck out

The Angry Midget is going to be in Dallas this week for a conference. It'll be the first time he and I have been able to hang out since his wedding, so this city had better look the fuck out.


Much alcohol will be consumed.

Many liver cells will be deformed.

Many donkeys will be raped.

Video of the Week -- Zero Punctuation reviews Resident Evil 5

If you can't tell by my posts these last couple of weeks, I'm not in much of a hurry to talk politics. I'm gonna continue that trend with the Video of the Week. Yahtzee is a British video game programmer who lives in Australia, and decided one day to make a funny review of a game (with Flash animation). It was a huge overnight hit, and so he made a couple of others to show that he wasn't a one-hit wonder. Then, online magazine The Escapist bought his show (titled Zero Punctuation, due to how fast he talks). Over the past year or so, it's aged like a fine wine, and here is another winner, just posted today, where he talks about Resident Evil 5 (bear with the ad that runs in the beginning; it's short):



Couldn't agree more. It's a pretty game that has a dated control and inventory scheme, and goddammit if your AI-controlled partner doesn't worthlessly burn through ammo (and try to heal you) at every turn.

Can't wait to see if he reviews MadWorld. It's like The Running Man meets Itchy and Scratchy.

Video of the Week -- the heaviest thing you'll hear all day

Hey everyone. Here's my pick for Video of the Week. It's a music video from a band called Cattle Decapitation. So right there, you probably know what kind of music you're in for. This video is for a track called 'Regret and the Grave.' You can probably tell from the video that they're vegetarians. I'm not, but the irony in the video isn't lost on me.

Cattle Decapitation - New Music - More Music Videos

I'm a big fan of death metal, and no, I can't tell what he's saying in this song, so here is a sample:

"Wolves use their cunning and stalk in the night
We hide like cowards, with machines to magnify our sight
They've only the skills ever evolving to kill
We hide behind the steel and are slaves to our will

You, the consumer now consumed..."

Dubya to write coloring book

Seriously.


The president who doesn't know how to read is writing a book. Look the fuck out.

The Game of Life has a 'gay agenda'?

Ultra-neo-uber-conservative website WorldNetDaily has an article about how The Game of Life on the PC 'pushes same-sex marriage.' Then, in a brilliant journalistic moment, the very first sentence says, 'includes an option for players to choose homosexual marriage and child-rearing as a way of life.' So, 'pushing' and 'allowing choice' are now the same thing?

"Shortly thereafter, the game invites players to choose a spouse, regardless of the potential spouse's sex."

"WND followed the mother's example and played a game as "Jennifer," who chose to marry another woman."

CHOICE. They let people choose who they want to be in the game. Just like you could 'choose' to put two male (or two female) pegs in the front seat of the car in the board game.

And don't get me started on the advertisement worked into the story for a brainwashing book that the website sells. 'From Crayons to Condoms?' REALLY? Yeah, that's why Johnny can't read. In the immortal words of Jon Stewart: Fuck you.

Video of the Week -- How is Jim Cramer not in jail right now?

I'll admit it. Sometimes, when I'm flipping through the channels at night, I occasionally stop on Jim Cramer's Mad Money. The guy's entertaining. It's annoying that he yells every word at the top of his lungs, but he's either really smart about the overall stock market, or has a great short-term memory. Plus, he hits a lot of funny sounding buttons!

Well, it seems that he and Jon Stewart are in a bit of a feud right now. Gotta say, even before watching this video, I was on Stewart's side:

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Basic Cable Personality Clash Skirmish '09

Daily Show Full Episodes
Important Things With Demetri Martin

Political Humor
Economic Crisis

And if you're not on Stewart's side yet, watch this interview with Cramer from 2006:



Yes, you really DID hear him say such things as:

"You can't foment. That's a violation... But you do it anyway because the SEC doesn't understand it."

"When you have six days and your company may be in doubt because you are down, I think it is really important to foment."

"What's important when you are in that hedge fund mode is to not be doing anything that is remotely truthful, because the truth is so against your view. It is important to create a new truth to develop a fiction."

How has this guy stayed out of prison, much less have a popular TV show?

NEWS FLASH: McCain's daughter is not a righty (also not unattractive)

Meghan McCain is for gay marriage, voted for John Kerry in 2004, and just today, she publicly trashes Ann Coulter? No wonder her dad kept her out of the spotlight last year. She may still be a righty, but she's an independent thinker, and that's something I'll always give kudos for.

My scanner still works

Nels asked me to send him some of the pics from the second Bronco Super Bowl party, so I broke out the scanner. I also scanned a bunch of other masterpieces, and they're on Facebook, so if you're a friend of mine there, enjoy. I didn't include a few of the more 'drunk' pictures, since I know FB has plenty of employers on it, as well as others who may not be willing to accept the fact that we all like to throw down from time to time.

Like a good dealer, I'm gonna give you a free taste here:

Postcards from the Edge

Just some random thoughts for the blog since we've kind of fallen off the wagon in regards to current events due to money, drugs, and women. Unfortunately, the money we don't have anymore, the drugs are the lamest of prescription, and the women are now required by law to see us naked. Be that as it may in no certain order:

-Jay Cutler on the trading block in Denver. What a load of horseshit! Sorry he may be the goofiest looking QB in the NFL, but he's more fun to watch than Jake Plummer and is more qualified to run a McDonalds than Matt Cassell will ever be, let alone the quarterback position. I'd rather watch a gunslinger go down swinging than simply running the clock out to get to the next game. So it's in the best interest of McDaniels to remember he's in Mile High and not New England.

-A little over one month since the Obama administration took over and the "Right" wing of the republican party has called it, or is calling for, a failure already. How is this possible? I will give them credit, they have the market cornered when it comes to obstructionism. Get in line or get the fuck out of the way. Just quit voting all together and let the Democrats do what they think is best. If it fails, we'll own it, but when it works, we'll own that too. I will also take to gloating and slapping the babies of Republican mothers in public. I may even break bones and laugh, we'll see.

-Rush Limbaugh is the new leader of the Republican party. While I initially laughed my ass off at the shear thought of this, I find after the Douche-PAC convention this weekend that he certainly must be, but here's the thing about Rush. He's big in his own mind and I believe that the Republicans have allowed a monster to operate unfettered for far too long, and if they lose this next election cycle, I hope his own party has the sense to bury him for good. All human kind may depend on it.

-Bobby Jindal...never has mediocrity been so painful to watch. Like the Daily Show put it, you are the Mr. Rogers of the Republican party, without the range of character. If you are in fact meant to resurrect your party, we'll see you guys in 2024. That should be enough time to get your shit together.

Do not take my post the wrong way, I have no doubt that the Republicans can, and will, bring it in the next mid-term especially if they finally find someone to speak up that isn't a complete fucktard. I look forward to that day. By the way, Steele was in no way a pander towards black people. No one saw that one coming. Governor Gidget really brought the female vote to the Republicans this last cycle so I'm sure that black people are stupid enough to just vote for the party with the "brotha." Good luck shitheads.

-HCP

Video of the Week is early this time

Thanks to The Miles for sending this. It was too good not to share here with you all. Can't describe it ... just watch:

Watch it bitches...here comes the Hollywood Undead

SPREAD THE WORD...I felt a little guilty for not posting for a while, and I especially feel bad for missing the 666th. However, I found this new band and I thought they kicked some ass. Hope you enjoy!

Two videos

In honor of Lord Bling's Failstation:



And another video to commemorate 666 posts. Cheap Trick sings this song to my son like a nursery rhyme:

OUR 666th POST!

YES! This blog has just hit 666 posts! And we'll do it up right in a couple of ways, by posting THESE:





ENTER TO THE REALM OF SATAN!!!

LOL

Here's to 666 more posts!

Andrew 'Slayer' Elhard's 27th Birthday

Today would've been my brother's 27th birthday.


I'm celebrating by listening to a LOT of Slayer, and will do a Black Tooth Grin shot at some point in the day.

Also, I'd like to point out that this is the 665th blog post in this site's history. My brother would've loved that ('The neighbor of the beast!'). So who will be post number 666? There's a 'video of the week' due tomorrow ... but any one of you regular posters can take the 'crown' if you choose!

Bling Bling!

I'm going HERE today, muthafuckas!


They have the Springfield XD45 to rent, and I've wanted to try one for a while now. I'm gonna bust a cap in some paper targets.

"Wit a gat it don't matta if he's smalla or bigga!"

Video of the Week -- Mike Patton

Odds are good that if you grew up in the 80's or 90's, you remember the song 'Epic' from Faith No More. Their bratty frontman, Mike Patton, has gone on to sing in many other projects. Some of the more-famous ones are:

Mr. Bungle
Fantomas
Tomahawk
Dillinger Escape Plan
Peeping Tom

The dude is one of my heroes in the music industry. He continues to push the envelope, and doesn't give a shit about record sales or recognition, and his art is better for it. A good example would be this live Tomahawk video, called 'God Hates a Coward.'



Sometimes weird can be good. Patton is proof of that.

EDIT: I just learned that Patton did the voices for the zombies in the video game Left 4 Dead! Very cool.

Just got my Xbox 360 back!

Good news! I already got my Xbox 360 back from repair! The local center is in Mesquite, which is about 30 minutes from my house, so that helped.

Bad news! I took it out of the box, and found a bunch of black scuff marks all over it!


Did they kick it down a flight of stairs? Do a Doc Marten tap dance on it?

I'm afraid to even plug this fucking thing in.

Video of the Week -- GI Joe PSAs from Fenslerfilms

I've been out of town for work, so the Video of the Week is late. And that's just too fuckin' bad, ain't it? You bitches are lucky you get a video of the week in the first place. When I was a kid, I didn't have no fancy things like internets or videos of the week!

Okay, seriously though, since this is late, I'll make it up to you by posting a few classics from Fenslerfilms. These are some of the famous GI Joe PSAs, redubbed. These have been around for a long time, but a lot of people still haven't seen them. I think you'll like 'em:

Failstation 3 AND FailBox 360

I'm too angry right now to type much, but I at least want to post something about my shitty day with hardware. This afternoon, my PS3 officially stopped working, and I spent an hour on the phone with Sony customer support about it. The Blu-Ray drive will read PS3 games and DVDs, but not Blu-Ray movies. So they're sending me a coffin, but it's gonna cost me $149.99 plus tax.

Then, tonight, I went to play my Xbox 360, and the screen started fritzing out (warped colors, etc.). I bought new component cables, but no good. I tried different inputs on my HDTV, and same result. My PS2 runs through component cables, and both inputs on my TV worked just fine. So I spent 30 minutes on 1-800-4MYXBOX (AKA Microsoft India), and now I have to send my Xbox 360 in for repairs. It's gonna cost me $99.99 plus tax, plus shipping (they don't send coffins for non-RRoDs anymore).

These two events are completely unrelated, and both happened in the same day. It's not the TV, as I have the two units in totally separate rooms.

Right now, Sony and Microsoft can both eat my ass.

Third time's a charm...

It was January 17th, a night like any other, you might think. But you'd be wrong, because this night marked the occurrence of the annual Benson Pub Crawl and Winter Retreat. The Third Annual to be exact. The GDP and the Dow Jones may be growing ever smaller, but the attendance at the annual crawl grew bigger for the second year in a row. Thirty-nine crawlers were actually present when we stepped off from crawl headquarters (following the traditional playing of "Beer" by Psychostick), and more than a dozen additional attendees joined at the first two stops on the crawl. Barley Street Tavern was ignominiously cut from the event mid-crawl, because of an unexpected cover charge. Burke's suffered a similar fate because it was too crowded already, and the addition of 50 or more crawlers would have likely started a riot. How many finished? Well, I stopped counting after I reached 25, so we definitely surpassed last year's mark of 21.

What were the highlights? They started with two young ladies showing up at headquarters sporting t-shirts that bore the image of Leptodactylous, yours truly, on the front. Another highlight was the debut appearance of Jake's on the crawl agenda. It made a very positive impression. They'll definitely be on the list for the 4th Annual. As always, there was the shuffleboard at the Musette. After two years of empty promises, there was an official soundtrack for the pub crawl this year. Maybe not everyone would consider that a highlight, but I certainly did.

A picture says a thousand words, so I'll stop writing and let some of the photos tell the rest of the story. If you missed this year, wallow in your envy and hope that you have better fortune next January...

a good time was had...