Friday, January 07, 2005

Idiot Box

The NFL Playoffs start this weekend, and since predicting Wyoming's dismantling of UCLA in the Las Vegas Bowl, I figured it would only be fair to share my skills for predicting the outcome of sporting events with those of you who actually read this website. I am picking the Steelers over the Seahawks in the Super Bowl. Call your bookie and put your retirement on this one. Hate Mail Volume 2 will also be posted at the beginning of next week.

This time of year also marks the one-year anniversary of the Super Bowl Surprise featuring Janet Jackson and her right nipple. Mister Bling sent me a link from The Smoking Gun that includes some of the complaints received by the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) regarding the broadcast. If those aren't quality enough for you, The Smoking Gun also has a group of similar complaints about an episode of Oprah, where Oprah discussed teen sexuality, including how to toss someone's salad. As if we needed Oprah's advice on how to lick someone's anus.

As you can see from reading the complaints (I particularly enjoyed the one from the person who was a member of the Citizens against Unclean Network Trash), people really have a ton of moral outrage for what they see on TV. This guy is suing Fear Factor for making him and another person in his home vomit while they watched an episode where contestants ate dead rats. I wish I could sue every bartender that has served me drinks that eventually made me puke.

Aside from the obvious entertainment value of some of these complaints, the message here is that a large number of people are pissed off about what they see on TV, so much so, that we're willing to write a letter to complain to the FCC about it, when someone shows us their nipple or eats a dead rat or describes a sex act. The last time I checked, we've all got nipples (I've even met a few people with more than just the customary two), we're all products of a sex act (except George Bush, who was conceived during a crude oil wrestling match between Dick Cheney and Carl Rove) and Fear Factor has a segment every single week where contestants have to eat something disgusting. Despite the predictability of it all, people continue to voice their outrage.

Seriously, I want to know where the public outrage is for the increasing number of US casualties and already staggering numbers of Iraqi civilian casualties? This is something that we see every day on the news, and no one really seems to care what the justification is behind all this carnage. Some of the most touching complaints to the FCC were from parents who were concerned that their children were being exposed to sexual subject matter that was inappropriate, and yet, these same families seem to show no similar outrage for the massive killing that's going on as a result of our President's hubris that is highlighted on the news each night. This parent was incredibly upset because she was going to have to explain oral sex and tossing salad to her children who viewed Oprah, but I would like to hear her explain to anyone, let alone her children, why we continue to occupy Iraq at the cost of thousands of human lives on both sides of the conflict. I have yet to hear a good explanation.

Do you think the Tsunami victims would care about seeing Janet Jackson's nipple or hearing Oprah give oral sex tips? Our President pledged a mere $35 million to the Tsunami relief efforts ($5 million less than his proposed inauguration gala). According to this site, the average cable bill is about $50/month and rising. If you're so damned outraged about what's on TV, take the money you're paying for cable just for this month, and give it to the Tsunami victims. This way your kids won't grow up to be in porno movies because they saw how to give a BJ on Oprah, and people in Asia will be able to eat and have clean water. See how taking action with your ridiculous cable television problem can help someone else in a very real way?

We spend so much time and energy worrying about what's on TV, that we completely lose perspective about REAL PROBLEMS. If you don't like what's on Fear Factor or Oprah, change the channel. It seems like the 700 Club is on 24 hours these days. And it's not like you're sitting there watching an Oprah episode about remodeling your kitchen, and then all of the sudden, in between why Sub Zero makes the best refrigerators and why composite sinks are better than cast iron, Oprah just throws out how to give a great blow job. The entire episode was about sex. Fear Factor is a stupid show, where EVERY WEEK they eat something gross. They ought to rename Fear Factor to Fall, Get Wet, Eat Shit, and Lose. If you have a weak stomach, they're showing Golden Girls reruns on the WB. Ok, maybe that's not the best suggestion for those with weak stomachs, but you get my drift.

Can you think of the collective good we could achieve if these morons quit watching so much TV or even donated one month of cable subscription to UNICEF or The Red Cross? Stop acting like your TV owns your mind and that of your entire family. If people didn't tune in to watch sex on TV, they would find something else to try to get you to tune in. There's a reason that Desperate Housewives is one of the top rated shows on TV, and it's not for the riveting, intelligent dialogue. People who complain about what's on TV should remember how lucky they are to have electricity, a safe place to watch TV, enough money to afford cable, and a government that hasn't yet seized control of all media. If you think about all that, it makes you realize how lucky we all are to be ABLE to complain about what's on TV. There are people all over the world who don't have food or water right now, and you're complaining about your damned TV?

If you don't like what I've written, I included a link in the title of this posting to the FCC website so that you can write and complain.


echo_doctor said...

You've hit on a particularly touchy issue for me. I'm more than sick of the self-righteous whiners who continue to complain about things they (or their children) see on TV that they find inappropriate. I just don't understand why they continue to make themselves out to be victims of some evil media cult that's trying to destroy their families through their TVs. It's simple, and maybe Dr. Phil should do an episode on the topic: "You have the power to control and monitor what your children watch. You have the power to get your lazy ass off the couch (or lean 45 degrees to the left and pick up the f*&king remote) and CHANGE THE CHANNEL." I'm in no way endorsing Dr. Phil with that statement, btw, because I can't stand that guy. You want to know why people complain about TV shows instead of what's happening in Iraq? Because it's easier. People want to feel like they're doing something to better society. But it's easier to sit at your computer in the privacy of your home, compose a letter about anus licking and nipples, then send the letter to the FCC, than it is to be involved in local political groups, for example. "Well, I've done my good deed for the day. I think I'll channel surf and look for something else to complain about in my next letter. I think South Park is on tonight - that's always a good source of politically incorrect jokes." The point is, I'm tired of these people complaining because they made the stupid decision to watch something that they didn't like. When are they going to take responsibility for themselves and stop playing the helpless victim? I was dumb enough to watch a few episodes of The Simple Life and the Anna Nicole show, but I didn't write to the FCC complaining that I wanted those 2 hours of my life back and the shows cancelled.

echo_doctor said...

Oh yeah, and does anyone know what they're doing at the Super Bowl halftime this year? Scripture readings, perhaps?

Ryan the Angry Midget said...

I heard halftime this year is going to be a handjob for the President from Donald Rumsfeld.