Monday, April 10, 2006

Does God really speak through Pat Robertson?

I'm not a religious person. In fact, I'm what one would call a 'heathen.' You can believe whatever you want to believe, and that's fine, as long as I can believe what I want to believe. So what do I believe?

I believe that Pat Robertson is fucking insane.

Asking a woman about her sex life cured her asthma? Like Tom Cruise, apparently Pat Robertson knows the history of psychiatry.

If the media is so liberal, why do they keep talking to this dipshit? For the unintentional laughs? True enough, the man has provided some of the most absurd quotes in the history of the English language. They'd be funny, except that there are actually people who watch The 700 Club for reasons other than comedic value. There are those who believe that God speaks through Herr Robertson. Yes, this is the world we live in. According to Pat, God has had some major revelations over the years.



He doesn't think there's anything in the Constitution about the separation of church and state. Maybe he doesn't count the amendments. That's too bad, cuz I kinda like that first one.

He calls for the assassination of political leaders. Apparently, Venezuela is a hotbed of Communist sympathizers and Muslim extremists. The last time the surveillance experts checked, their government is a federal republic, and 96% of their population are Roman Catholic. Oh, and there's that whole 'Thou Shall Not Kill' thing. You'd think God would stick to his own commandments. Or are they like the Constitutional amendments?

He says that Spongebob Squarepants is gay, but where was God all those times when Bugs Bunny dressed in drag, or when he tried to marry Elmer Fudd? They've been re-running those cartoons for decades now.



He says that Tinky-Winky from the Teletubbies is gay, but ...



Okay, he can have that one. The target demographic for the Teletubbies doesn't even know the clinical term for the pee-pee, let alone where God wants them to put it, but I digress.

So I guess God cares a LOT about 'buttsecks.' I'd like him/her/it to start paying attention to some more pertinent issues. Darfur, for instance. How about the countless lives lost over a piece of holy land? Or maybe even Iraq? These problems were created by man, but man seems ill-equipped to solve them. If God really loved all creatures on the Earth, you'd think he'd start working on some of the Earth's biggest problems. Aren't we due for some divine intervention? Maybe God needs to stop competing with the current U.S. President on who can take more vacation time. Or are we all doomed to lie in the bed that our leaders continue to shit in?

3 comments:

Ryan the Angry Midget said...

Jesus loves you, unless you're a fag, right? Isn't that what the bible says? Nevermind that the book of the Bible (Leviticus) that is frequently invoked to condemn my homo friends also says that if your neighbor comes in your yard to borrow a rake, that you should stone his rake-hoarding ass.

People in the US have NO FUCKING perspective. We've just spent millions on vaccine for Bird Flu that only covers the mutation of the virus that you get from screwing chickens, but we can't help out the refugees in Darfur? We could give every child under 18 health care for $15 million/year and we spend that in Iraq in 5 minutes. I'm just glad our government has its ethics to fall back on.

Miles said...

That's some good pain, there Bling. I wonder if God approves of all the bullshit that is done in his name. Killing abortion doctors. Lining pockets of rich oil execs...buying out auto workers...reducing health care benefits...under funding public education...lying about WMD's as a reason to go to war in Iraq...you know that kind of shit.

Pat Robertson and Bill O'Reilly must be lovers, I swear. Both insane, both have a huge following, both looking to make huge sums of money appealing to people's sense of God.

Its people like this that decide to be on the Kansas Board of Education so that they can prohibit the teaching of Evolution and limit sex ed to only teaching Abstenence only. That's like teaching a gun safety class by saying "don't use a gun. We won't show you how it works, how to safely handle one, or even what it looks like, just don't fucking use it."

Maybe Jerry Falwell was right. Maybe these pagan faggot abortionists were the reason the towers fell on 9/11. Or...maybe it was something else.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-8260059923762628848

Lord Bling said...

Good point about the gun safety class. We were given dicks, so we're gonna use them.

Thanks for the link. I'll need to put aside 1 hour, 21 minutes, and 50 seconds to watch that.