Monday, April 03, 2006

Laura Bush is at my work today

When I arrived at work this morning, after a weekend of yard work and the Rollergirls marathon on A&E, there was an email in my inbox with the subject line: Laura Bush visit. I opened the message, purely because I wanted to make sure I wouldn't get shot by the Secret Service while driving through the parking lot in my car with the Bush Cheats 2000 sticker on the back. The facility where I work serves children, so it's quite a good photo op for the first lady or anyone looking for an opporuntity to appear as though they care about the nation's children.

The part of the email that made me laugh was the following:

Due to security restrictions, we have been informed that only 50 employees from ****** may attend today’s event with First Lady Laura Bush at *******.

Therefore, if you would like to attend today’s event and your manager has approved your absence, please email (slave to upper management) and submit your name to her. She will then compile a list of names according to the time she receives your email. Given the limited number of spaces available, we are sorry that we cannot guarantee that all who request will be able to attend. Everyone must be seated by 3:30 pm and must present their ID for admission.

I am sure you're all waiting for the funny part, but let me give you some background that may assist you in finding the humor in this. Despite the fact that I live in one of the reddest of the Red States (Nebraska), my place of employment is decidedly blue. I think you would be more likely to find 50 people who work here on the FBI watchlist, than 50 people who would want to see Laura Bush talk, even if the subject matter was limited to "What my daughters do in the shower." I am trying to get an answer as to how many people actually responded to the email without trying to seem like a security threat, and if I find out I will post it here. The over/under at this point is 24.

I must say that I do respect Laura Bush a little bit more than I respect her husband. Laura was apparently a teacher, which in my opinion, is the most underappreciated job in the world. It didn't positively affect her husband's ability to form a sound education policy, but at least it's possible that she's done some good in her life. She also had to put up with that Cowboy Asshole that we call George during "The Tequila Years" (officially 1977 - 2000) before he found Jesus.

Unfortunately, I have more important things to do at 3:30 today, like write on this website and throw darts at coworkers, or I would be available to hear Laura talk about whatever she's going to talk about. We'll see if it makes the 6:00 news.


Anonymous said...

Very nice! I found a place where you can
make some nice extra cash secret shopping. Just go to the site below
and put in your zip to see what's available in your area.
I made over $900 last month having fun!
make extra money

Ryan the Angry Midget said...

I always wondered what the First Lady got paid.

Lord Bling said...

Makes me think of Henry Rollins: "Laura Bush always has that frozen look of horror on her face. It says to me, 'I'm on a LOT of medication.'"

CowboyLaw said...

I have a hard time respecting Laura simply because, if she was a decent human, she'd ride her husband's ass until he shaped up. The Midget's wifey wouldn't put up with all the shit Laura's put up with because she's too smart.

Or, if you want to get all Biblical, say this: "The Light can have no association with the Darkness." Which, as far as I can tell, means that good people aren't allowed to hang out with lying, thieving assholes. And if you do hang out with/stay married to a lying, thieving asshole, you must not be all that great a person.

Lord Bling said...

The Midget's wife seemed to me to be a very smart person. In fact, something was off. She seemed a little TOO smart to be entering into a contract of marriage with someone like Ryan. He had to be lying to her about something: "I don't drink that much," or "I make a good salary," or "My penis is bigger than three inches." You know, something to make him seem 'desireable' to the opposite sex.