Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Don't make me bring up Amarillo

First of all, let me say that Lord Bling's response to my earlier statements about his relocation to Texas were spot on. We did actually live in a shitty cow town called Greeley, and not in Denver. People who live in Omaha tend to get a little defensive about their fair city, mainly because every single person outside of Omaha asks the question " Why do you live in Omaha ?" It gets old, but on the other hand, I don't have to worry about people from California coming in and buying up all the houses around me either. Dallas would be a fantastic city, if it weren't completely full of Texans.

In the comments, Mr. Bling brought this gem to the surface, and still licking my wounds from his earlier retort, I decided to dive in and take it on. The commentary in question was posted by this guy: Father Jonathan Morris of the Fox News Channel, one of the most fair and balanced new organizations in all the land. Seriously. They say so, which means it must be true.

Father Morris admits that he's friends with Mel Gibson, so I know right from the start, he's going to be completely fair and balanced in his assessment Mel's anti-semitic drunk driving arrest this last weekend. Check out The Smoking Gun for mug shots, documents, etc. If you read Father Morris's regular contributions to the Fox News website, which I don't, you'll notice a theme: Forgiveness and the Sex Industry at the World Cup. Think I'm kidding? Check out his archives here. He did a 4 part report on the Sex Industry in the World Cup last month. For some reason, he's really interested in that. Hmmmmm......

Anyway, Father Morris essentially says "Trust me! I'm a Catholic Priest. See my collar? I wouldn't lie to you! Mel Gibson is absolutely not anti-semitic. Where are those little boys going?". Still feeling stung by the reality that I own property in Omaha, I sent Father Morris the following email. I hope you enjoy the pun I inserted in the opening line. I will post any replies that I might receive from him in a future post.


Father Jonathan,

Forgive me, but it's not exactly reassuring to read the opinion of one of Mel Gibson's friends regarding his recent drunk driving incident and anti-semitic comments made towards a police officer during his arrest. I think Mel Gibson's comments speak for themselves, and the old saying goes "in vino veritas" or "in wine there is truth."

I commend your loyalty to Mel, but if a person is not anti-semitic to begin with, I find it highly unlikely that he would just throw out some random comments about hating Jews. His comments were obviously based on some underlying feelings about this particular religious group. There's nothing special about tequila that makes a person spout hate against Jews.

More importantly, I feel like a larger issue is being lost here: Mel was DRUNK DRIVING with an open bottle of tequila in his car. While defending him against anti-semitic comments is one thing, he could have killed someone or several someones, a point that you didn't even mention in your defense. I think when you're finished defending him publicly, you should find your friend Mel some help, before he goes out and runs into a family of 4 in his luxury vehicle.

Respectfully,

Ryan

5 comments:

Lord Bling said...

Yeah, I lived in Amarillo for a few years. What can I say? I needed the money. Hastings was the minor-leagues for buyers, and I paid my dues, and I'm better off for it.

Nebraskans are only mildly better than Texans. Again, I refer you to the election results in 2004.

Brandon said...

I have to completely disagree with you Ryan, on one point. When my uncles Julio, Rodrigo and I get together and ingest an entire bottle of teguila together, next to shooting our pistolas in the air, and at stray cats and dogs, we like to take to the streets of Juarez in a drunkin', jew hating rampage. We search out these "people" and let them know what we really think of them. Just thought I would throw that two cents into the mix.

-Brandon
ps-Greeley is really what the rest of America is coming to.

Ryan the Angry Midget said...

Greeley is a unique little town isn't it?

Brandon said...

If by unique you mean it eerily reminds you of Dante's tenth ring of hell, then I completely agree with you.

Lord Bling said...

Why do you still live there dude? Don't make me burn a lower-case 't' in your yard, for 'time to leave'!!!