Friday, August 18, 2006

Snakes in a Marketing Meeting

I never put anything past the Hollywood marketing machine. In a world full of heartless, soulless, corporate suckers of Satan's cock, the marketing 'people' who work for the major film studios take the cake. If you don't believe me, just click here. The people responsible for this upcoming celluloid abortion need to fall in a well and die.

When I first heard about 'Snakes on a Plane,' it was through a blog post from some Hollywood screenwriting gun-for-hire who turned down a chance to do a rewrite on the script. The post was rather funny at the time, because it was the first time I'd heard about the film, and the jokes he made about the name of the film were fresh.

That post was written exactly a year ago. Since then, ads for this film have been everywhere. Pat Robertson couldn't have shoved Terry Schaivo's feeding tube down her throat any harder than we've had this film shoved down ours. Originally, I had a strong desire to watch the movie, but after seeing all of the marketing behind it, that feeling dissipated into a subtle indifference. The late, great Bill Hicks had an opinion about marketing, and I could never, ever top it, so here's the link, if you're unfamiliar.

However, once in a while, someone in a marketing meeting comes up with a good idea. And this film had someone good working on it, as evidenced here. It's not every day someone gets a call from Samuel L. 'The One That Says Bad Motherfucker' Jackson. Well, at least it wasn't every day, until now, where you could feasibly get a call from him every five minutes or so. Nothing says 'Hollywood marketing machine' like some good old-fashioned overkill!

So, my plan with 'Snakes on a Plane' turned into 'wait until I can see it for free,' as usual. But when I learned that I could see it the night before its official release, and for free, that changed. 'Before release' and 'free' in the same sentence? Well, there isn't much I won't see under those conditions. So I went to see it last night.

Did it live up to the manufactured hype? Well, of course it didn't. Did I laugh? Yeah, I did. The beers I had probably helped, but that's the whole point of a film like this. Don't even think of going into the theater sober. Now, I'm not gonna waste your time discussing the intricate nuances of the plot, or the varying depth of the performances, or the subtle movements of the camera. I can sum all of those things up by saying, 'No, no, and no.' But if you liked Deep Blue Sea, you'll like this. Only difference is, I never felt like anyone in Deep Blue Sea was winking at me while delivering their shitty dialogue.

One last question. Was Mr. Roberts allowed to fly with that thing?

6 comments:

Miles said...

72% on the tomatometer.

/credibility

Lord Bling said...

You've got to be kidding me.

They didn't screen this for critics, so almost all of the reviews on RottenTomatoes.com today are FANBOY sites. And as professional critics start coming in, the score will start to decline (it's at 64% as I type this). Not that professional critics are right, but I'll trust them over fanboys 99% of the time.

Don't make me bring the film knowledge, noob.

Ryan the Angry Midget said...

If Lord Bling knows anything, he knows film like the blood vessels in his dick. I am disappointed to hear that the film sucked as I had Sam Jackson call nearly every single person I knew last week to tell them to see Snakes.

It's kind of ironic that people have been praising the marketing for this film so heavily, since obviously the film is a smokin' turd.

CowboyLaw said...

Actually, I might go to see this one. GPA dragged me to see Talledega Nights, and it had some funny moments in it. It's all a matter of understanding what you're signing up for. Last night, I caught a fair portion of Sideways. That movie ain't for everyone, and you have to understand what you're getting into when you sit down to watch it. Same thing for Talledega Nights. Same thing, I suspect, for SoaP. There's nothing wrong with stupid, ironic humor. It's the same thing that's kept me going back to see issue after issue of the Scary Movie franchise: sometimes, a thing is so bad, it's really good. When the thing is bad intentionally, and knows it, that adds an entire layer of humor on top of the ironic humor of being horrible. Best example: Kato in the Pink Panther series. The character is nothing more than a composite of every single racial stereotype you can imagine. BUT, the writers, producers and actors know that, and so they throw you a scene, now and then, when you can almost see them wink at you about the character, as if to say "This is horrible, isn't it? Awesome!"

Miles said...

Cream of the crop is checking in at a respectable 58%, although the only number that really counts is rather subpar: $15M last weekend. Still, its no "Descent".

Lord Bling said...

Okay, so who here actually saw this thing last weekend? I'm not saying it sucked, but as a genius once said, 'Don't believe the hype.'