Monday, February 14, 2005

Happy Valentines Day: Bottoms UP!

Happy Valentine's Day. I'm sure you're all incredibly happy to be celebrating this completely meaningless holiday, which was invented by capitalists. For most of my life, Valentine's Day has been no big deal. Most of the time, I didn't have a girlfriend, and on those rare occasions when I did, she was hardly worth the time and effort that goes into buying a card. Fortunately, when I got married, I married someone with the same opinion of Valentine's Day that I have, and it's no big deal. For the rest of you poor saps, I found an article here that should be right up your alley.

I know when I was single and it was Valentine's Day, it was time for binge drinking. Come to think of it, it was time for binge drinking a lot more often than that, but the rewards were so much greater on a holiday when even the most independent and strong women are reminded that they need a little love. Add alcohol to the mix, and some might even call it magic.

Here are some highlights from the Drug and Alcohol Study cited above:

-Colorado is an incredibly fun place to live, if you like drugs and alcohol. They rank near the top in binge drinking, alcohol consumption, marijuana, and cocaine use. I wondered why I enjoyed college there so much.
- Utah is an incredibly lame place to live with the lowest drug and alcohol use in the country. The article does point out that 2/3 of the state is Morman, which keeps those numbers down I'm sure, but that might also explain why the other 33% drinks almost constantly.
- The top states for binge drinking: Colorado, Illinois, Iowa, Minnesota, Missouri, Montana, Nebraska, North Dakota, Rhode Island, South Dakota, Vermont and Wisconsin. Keep up the good work!

If you're drinking tonight to celebrate or just so that you can get your ladyfriend less inhibited, don't forget the designated driver and to ensure your genitalia are adequately protected. Some Valentines gifts, like a DUI or the Louisiana Lizard Rash, will keep on giving, unfortunately. Cheers!

1 comment:

Lord Bling said...

Big ups to North Dakota!!! Also leading the nation in teenage pregnancies, DUIs, and cases of frostbite!!!