Monday Annoyances

It's Monday and I am feeling particularly annoyed today. Here is a list of what's getting on my nerves this morning (and it's only 9:00).

1) People in SUVs who drive like the retarded elderly - It snowed about 4 inches here last night. No big deal, right? It wouldn't have been if every moron in a Jeep Cherokee or Ford Exporaditionscape weren't afraid to actually use their vehicle for its explicit purpose. Let's face it, most of these soccer-mom, SUV-driving suburbanites aren't going off-roading or even using that 4-wheel drive all that often. When it snows, you have an opportunity to make those of us who drive Honda Civics look foolish, and to make up for the fact that we're going to have to invade Iran just to supply you with fuel for the next month and a half. Instead, you crawl along the road like a paraplegic hockey player, or as though your car will explode if you go above 15 miles per hour.

2) President Bush and all his cronies - I'm sure you're all surprised by this one. President Bush released his $2.5 trillion budget plan today, saying it's one of the most restrictive in terms of spending in history. Vice President and dick, Dick Cheney was quoted as saying "This is the tightest budget that has been submitted since we got here." Really? That wouldn't be too difficult, considering the growth in the federal budget deficit since they've been in the White House.

The most annoying thing is that the budget does look great in terms of spending, but that's because it doesn't include ad hoc spending for the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, and the Social Security Plan (a.k.a.- Bush anally intrudes the elderly II, Part I was privatizing Medicaid prescription drug benefits). That's the equivalent of me saying that my comprehensive financial budget is fiscally conservative, if I leave out what I spend on coke and whores.

In essentially the same breath where Cheney said they were submitting an incredibly fiscally conservative budget, he goes on to say that the administration will need trillions to support their Social Security plan over the next 10 years. That's funny, I wonder if we pumped those trillions of dollars into the existing Social Security program now and over the next 10 years, and invested it in Treasury Bonds, if we could save the existing system? But, that would be way too simple, and those folks at Goldman Sachs and Bank of America that paid about $250,000 each for Bush's inauguration would be very, very unhappy.

3) Gavin DeGraw and his song, "I Don't Want to Be." (Artist's website) If your car has a radio inside, regardless of what station you have it on, you have heard this song about 500,000 times, and that's just over the last weekend. I have nothing against the artist or his obviously catchy song. To me, this song and its constant airplay symbolize everything that is wrong with radio. Take one song from an artist, and play the holy living fuck out of it, until SUV-driving soccer moms are singing it to their kids in public. Radio is not music anymore, it's marketing, and sadly, I am just now coming to terms the fact that Clear Channel Communications has infested the entire universe, like gonorrhea through my dorms freshman year.

4) New England Patriots Fans - Yeah yeah yeah. Your team and their drunk owner, Robert Kraft, have won yet another Super Bowl. Congratulations. Let me name my first kid Tom Brady. While I don't hate the Patriots team, as I did the Dallas Cowboys during their "dynasty", the fans have started to get on my nerves.

In trying to avoid hearing "I Don't Want to Be" for the 50th time during my 5 minute commute this morning, I was listening to Sports Talk Radio, and these Patriot fans are gloating and talking about making love to the coach and blah blah blah. It's football. We all paid $14.6 billion for your traffic project where all the tunnels leak. You were all so much nicer when your teams were losing. If you weren't all Democrats, I might start advocating for mandatory sterilization.

5) Analysis of Super Bowl Commercials - This is something that has gone from "Did you see that commercial where the monkey humps a cantaloupe?" to "Let's waste time and energy analyzing the hell out of commercials, when we should be questioning what the hell the President is doing with all of our money." Shouldn't we focus on making TV interesting again before spending millions of dollars per second on making the commercials cute and funny?

The only funny commercial that I saw was the series by CareerBuilder.com where the guy works with an office full of chimpanzees. Why not make a show around that? You're paying Paris Hilton to act stupid and lazy and she gets her own show. Why not take that money and hire a bunch of monkeys to make a show that would be 100,000 times more interesting than Skanks Invade Rural America?

And those are just the things that have annoyed me so far. I haven't even started talking to my co-workers yet....