Monday, February 21, 2005

Presidential Role Models

Monday mornings are hard enough as it is. To make things even worse, MSN posted this historically-challenged article about career lessons we can learn from US Presidents. I hope tomorrow they post financial lessons from Kenneth Lay of Enron. I am no wonder genius when it comes to history. I'll be honest. I enjoy reading about certain periods in US history, like the Civil War because the Union trampled future-NASCAR fans, but even I am not so dense to buy into this completely shallow bullshit.

Does MSN think people are going to read this and say, "Damn, I almost lied about our 4th Quarter earnings, but because George Washington was honest and honorable, I think I'll admit that we lost our asses."? Come on.

The overall ridiculousness of the article is completely overshadowed by its oversimplification of historical perspective. Abraham Lincoln is cited as being honest and having integrity, but you notice how they don't mention that he suspended Habeas Corpus while he was president to arrest political dissenters? Ronald Reagan is praised in the article for his simple communication and having a positive message. Most people with Alzheimer's disease do have simple communication. Where am I? Who are you? I wonder if part of his positive message was setting up Saddam Hussein and the Taliban with weapons to fight the Soviets and then forgetting all about it?

Quite possibly the most hilarious part of the article:
"Second only to backbone, every president requires a funny bone," observes former senator and presidential candidate Bob Dole.
If Bob knows anything, he understands what it takes to be Presidential. He was beaten by three of the last 4 US Presidents. Dole lost to Reagan in the 1980 primaries, Bush I in the 1988 primaries, and then again to Clinton in 1996. Next time I write an article about losers or US Senators who use Viagra, we'll give old Bob a call.

If you want some real Presidential lessons on life, try these on for size:

- Don't drink and drive. Rely on your parents for jobs. Don't be afraid to run a few companies into the ground if you can profit from it- George W. Bush
- Only screw the interns who swallow - Bill Clinton
- Ignorance is bliss - Ronald Reagan
- My life was like a Greek Tragedy, except instead of deities there were lies - Richard Nixon

In other words contrary to what you would read on MSN, don't take career advice from former presidents, unless you work at Wendy's on the night shift. At that point, anything you do will only lead up.


On the Mark said...

Couldn't agree more. You forgot to add some important ones like:

John F. Kennedy - Fuck em long as the press won't report on it.

Theodore Roosevelt - Kill 'em least until the animal rights activists hear about it.

And on, and on and on.

Great stuff.

Lord Bling said...

Also, let's not forget that the Emacipation Proclamation didn't free a single slave, because it declared that all slaves in the South states were to be freed. But the South had already seceded from the Union, and ignored the order.

Just another one of those popular lies that I wanted to point out.