Monday, March 20, 2006

Snow Day!

What's 17 inches and white? The pile of snow that's supposed to be accumulating in my backyard by tomorrow morning, you dirty-minded bastards. Omaha is about to get slammed with some pretty substantial snowfall. Check this out. When the radar map looks as white as Robert Downey Jr.'s coffee table, you know you're in for it.

Mister Bling wrote a few months ago about people in Dallas freaking out about and ice storm. After this weekend, I can tell you that people in Omaha are no more equipped to handle the threat of "severe" weather. The news showed people stocking up on food at local stores, as if somehow one of the undocumented side effects of snowfall is uncontrollable hunger. All one has to do is look at the 5 day outlook, and you realize that by Thursday, temperatures will be in the 50s. I hope people don't starve because of the snow storm.

What's worse is that people drive like blind morons. If I see another Jeep Cherokee or Ford Explorer fly by me, only to end up stuck in the median, I might have to start a seperate website just for those pictures. The only thing having an SUV will do for you is increase the likelihood of global warming and decrease the availability of fossil fuels for the rest of us. Your 2-ton symbol of our dependence on the Middle East for oil is no more safe on snow and ice than a semi-truck full of explosives running into a fireworks stand near a nuclear power plant.

And for what? We'll probably end up getting just over 8" of snow, and it will all be gone in two days because it's March, and snow doesn't hang around in March. If I'm wrong, great, but I still have a 50% chance of being more accurate than the local weather people.

6 comments:

Lord Bling said...

What's almost worse is we had flash floods all over Dallas on Sunday, and on the way to the Texas/NC State game, we saw many cars get flooded while trying to drive through what looked like rivers on the streets. By the AAC, we saw a car under an overpass that was trapped in about four-foot high water, then we made another pass about five mintues later (while trying to find a close parking spot) and ANOTHER CAR got stuck in the same spot. This ain't Oregon Trail, motherfuckers. You can't fjord that bitch.

These types remind me of a line from the 90's thrash band Exhorder:

"Two-thirds of the Earth's population should not even exist / A malignancy, an ugly sore, mankind's but a cyst"

Miles said...

We got hosed. Supposed to get 24", got 3. Its a good thing I'm on Spring Break and planned 2 golf outings. Further proof that God is taking punishment out on us heathen abortionist commie homos.

Oh, and I drive a Honda Accord.

HistoricDundee said...

What's up with cancelling school based on forecasts? I'm not that old (only 30something), but I had to walk/drive to school in the snow. We didn't even get as much snow as predicted.

Ryan the Angry Midget said...

I agree. Kids are getting pretty soft these days.

CowBoyLaw said...

While I'm always agreeable for some SUV bashing, I have to take issue with one thing. In the interests of full disclosure, know that our auxiliary vehicle is a 95 S-10 Blazer, just about the smallest SUV you can buy. And we drive it about 2000 miles a year. But I do drive it when it snows more than 6". While the Midget is correct that 4-wheel drive does nothing on ice, it DOES help you drive through snow IF you know how to actually drive a 4-wheel drive through the snow. Granted, 99% of soccer moms don't. Granted, 99% of flabby account executives don't. But, for those of us who spent our formative years driving in real 4-wheel conditions, the added grip can be utilized. Plus, it's hella-fun to turn off the 4-wheel drive so that the rear wheels provide the power and then see how many back-to-back 90-degree spinouts you can connect while driving down a side street.

Anonymous said...

Exhorder fucking rule :)